ADHD at 53? This is me.

Grab a beverage and take a seat, I’m going long.

I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year. The world makes so much more sense to me now…I make more sense to me now. People who have ADHD have differences in both brain structure and levels of neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and dopamine. It’s treatable, but not curable. Since it can’t be seen like a broken arm, for example, people think ADHD is not a “real” condition. And even if people do believe it’s real – they often equate it to a 10-year-old boy who can’t sit still.

I’m here to tell you that there is no amount of trying harder, therapy or fish oil that fixes an ADHD brain.

I know that ADHD brings me some strengths professionally – I’m decisive, fast to act, think outside the box, strategic, creative, constantly learning and evolving, bringing new approaches - and probably one of my biggest strengths: I have an ability to see patterns and how they might impact my organization and industry before others. This is the positive stuff...the easy part. I can do this stuff all day.

?On the other hand, the challenges are, well, challenging. Scheduling is ridiculously hard for me. I work across many time zones and always must triple and quadruple check that my meetings are set up correctly. If I’m scheduling something complex, I ask my husband to double check it. I now understand that I process very quickly – and it’s hard for others to take in. A mentor told me that impatience can come across as disrespect. I am most definitely impatient, but it is horrifying that it can come across as disrespectful. I have a ton of ideas, and poor impulse control means that I share them too often. Complex spreadsheets and pivot tables make my head hurt. I’m excellent at initiating things, and not as great at finishing things. That’s a start…

Studies show people with ADHD try as much as ten times harder than neurotypical people do in the workplace. Men are 4x more likely to be diagnosed than women. There's an unconscious bias that females "don't get ADHD." (And an even worse bias around women - we don't have ADHD, we are “emotional.”)

I'm lucky that I am high-functioning. Medication has helped me tremendously, and I’m listening to every podcast and book on adult female ADHD I can get my hands on. If I’m being honest (which I am) understanding my ADHD and how I’m perceived has exposed a lot of shame/embarrassment. Sometimes I’m not physically able to “just slow down,” or to control my impulse to share ideas, or even to contain my excitement or frustration. I analyze the crap out of almost every conversation and am always ready to make whatever happened (or didn’t happen) my fault. I understand why I crave high-adrenaline sports like climbing and canyoneering.

This is who I am. This is how I’m made. Sometimes I shine. More often I want to hide.

I’m blessed to have a job I love, working with incredible and talented partners around the globe. I have the most amazing husband and child on the planet, and great professional and personal communities. When I shared my diagnosis with our CEO, he suggested that if I am comfortable, there could be value in educating the organization via one of our employee resource groups. That felt like great support. I just may do that…if I can manage to schedule it.

If you you are struggling with ADHD or any invisible or visible illness, please hear me: I’ve got your back. I won’t judge. I won’t ask you to be different. I trust you’re doing your best, just like I am...we’ve got this.

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