Addressing Toxic Behaviour in the Workplace....Including When it's You.

How often do you take the time to truly reflect on yourself, your behaviour and your actions?

How well do you take on board or look directly at the parts of yourself that aren’t so favourable?

I was listening to a great podcast this week between Jay Shetty and Robert Greene and they explore human traits and what is a quality that represents strong character. They identified one quality is the ability of a person to take criticism well and to view it from a balanced perspective (This is the podcast, it's a great listen: https://youtu.be/nXs4UABX4Kc?si=giCbvqXouF_8UQvj).

This resonated with me on such a deep level. We each have moments where we aren’t showing up in the ideal way for our relationships, our roles at work or for our teams that we are responsible for.

If you are not in a healthy frame of mind, receiving feedback—especially when it highlights areas of your behaviour that need improvement—can feel like a personal attack, triggering defensiveness. Instead of viewing it as an opportunity for growth, it’s easy to become resistant and dismissive.

However, when we approach feedback with a balanced mindset, we can step back and consider it objectively, understanding that it's not about our worth as individuals but about how we can improve and strengthen our relationships and contributions.

This shift in perspective is crucial for personal development and the health of our interactions with others. We each have moments when we are the toxic person in the company culture, but it’s what you do with that knowledge that counts.

Toxic behaviour doesn’t always look like outright nastiness, gossiping, or intentionally destructive actions. It isn't necessarily someone being overtly cruel or manipulative. Toxic behaviour can be more subtle—like consistently being tired, impatient, or bringing negative energy into a space. It’s the mood or attitude that drags others down, creating a ripple effect that impacts the environment and those around you. ?

Toxic doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s not about being malicious or deliberately harmful. Instead, it often happens when we’re in a low phase or stuck in negative patterns that no longer serve us or others. It can manifest in small ways, such as chronic irritability, passive-aggressive comments, or simply withdrawing from engagement.

I’ve been this person before, and I believe we all have moments where we unintentionally become the source of negativity. I’ve seen others fall into this pattern too, often unaware of the impact they’re having, or reluctant to admit it because it’s hard to confront those less favourable parts of ourselves. I’ve also seen organisations tolerate toxic behaviours from leaders, choosing to ignore them because it feels like the easier option in the short term.

But here’s the truth: these problems don’t resolve themselves without effort and left unaddressed, substantial issues can arise. They need to be addressed with compassion and support, recognising that toxic behaviour doesn’t make someone a ‘bad’ person. As human beings, we experience fluctuations in our emotions, habits, and reactions. ?

It’s our responsibility to support one another, whether it’s a friend, a colleague, or someone on your leadership team. Create a space for open conversations—check in with the person, ask if they are under any external pressure, and see if they are open to receiving feedback on how they’re showing up.

This approach encourages growth and builds healthier relationships both personally and professionally. Ask if they are open to taking on board feedback about how they are showing up currently, If they are receptive, approach the conversation with empathy and clarity, avoiding any accusatory tone.

By offering support and focusing on solutions, rather than simply highlighting problems, you create an environment where growth is possible. ?

The aim isn't to assign blame, but to encourage self-awareness and improvement. Reflecting on your own behaviour regularly and accepting constructive criticism with an open mind is a powerful tool for personal and professional development. ?

Here are a few recommendations to help navigate these conversations and encourage positive change: ?

1. Cultivate a Feedback-Friendly Culture: Encourage open and honest communication within your teams, making it clear that feedback is a two-way process. Regular check-ins and performance reviews can help normalise the practice and reduce defensiveness. ?

2. Prioritise Self-Reflection: Make time to reflect on your own behaviour and responses to feedback. Consider what triggers defensiveness and how you can work on improving. Developing this habit will enable you to better understand and manage emotional reactions. ?

3. Seek Professional Support: Whether addressing challenging behaviour or aiming for personal growth, professional coaching or counselling can provide valuable insights. A qualified coach can help individuals reflect on their actions, understand their impact, and develop healthier, more effective responses to feedback and stress. ?

4. Lead with Empathy: When giving feedback, focus on specific behaviours rather than the individual’s character. This approach ensures others feel supported and understood, rather than criticised. Be patient, particularly if someone is experiencing personal challenges. ?

5. Commit to Ongoing Improvement: Both personally and within your team, make a commitment to continuous self-assessment and development. Addressing challenging behaviours with a commitment to growth will help create a more positive and constructive working environment. ?

If you find these conversations difficult to manage, consider seeking advice from a leadership coach,?HR professional or employment lawyer.

Sometimes, external guidance can provide the objectivity and support needed to move forward effectively. ?

By taking the time to reflect, adjust, and approach these situations with compassion, you will contribute to creating a healthier, more positive atmosphere for yourself and those around you.

If you are considering engaging a leadership and communication coach/trainer, you can book a no cost consultation with me here to see if we are a good fit:?https://calendly.com/inspiredcoachinggroup/30-minute-professional-development-consultation

Have a sensational week.?

With appreciation ?

Lesley