Addressing the elephant in the room !

How responsive can you be to the elephant in the room?

BRAVE CONVERSATIONS with Pat Armitstead

As published in Disruptive Publishing - Deb Fahey April 2022

A few years back, I was taken on tour in NZ by a company through 5 locations. I was the closing keynote and meant to be lighting the audience up to go home at the close of the day. The 5th location in Dunedin however as you will see, something went awry!

When I arrived the organisers, in a hushed voice, and in a nervous fashion,?quietly pulled me aside and told me of a member who had hung himself the night before.??His wife came home and opened the garage door and there he was.?They were very distressed and told me how the day had been.....previous presenters coming and going and the audience silent.?Lunch and morning tea...all you could hear was the clink of crockery and cutlery. An empty silence in the room.?I was perturbed and somewhat aghast.?You see, as this is being told I am thinking...."right....I am on next and meant to be funny!”

So I expressed my shock and empathy and asked ...."How would you like to handle this?"

They said ..."Well...we were kinda hoping you would have an idea!"

I have no idea where my response came from!?However, my higher self obviously guiding me!?I replied..." I do actually. When we go in I would like to tell me again all the detail of what you have just shared with me now. Tell me it all in front of everybody.?That then gives me permission to speak into it.”

After they had told me the story again, in front of the 100 in the room, I firstly acknowledged how each and every one of them might be feeling. Then I said "With your permission?I would like to offer a prayer" They agreed and I gave an offering of prayer, improvised on the spot. At the close I invited a minutes silence for their colleagues passing.?One hundred men and one woman joined me in silence.?

When I invited them to be present again, I said what I was initially contracted to do here today - that was to be a humourous closing keynote, scattered with inspiration so they might leave in high spirits. I acknowledged that we were not going to have the same experience as the other previous four centres, but again,?with their permission, I would like to deliver it anyway. I said I would like to do that, emphasising I believed it brought value still, even though we would not be laughing our heads off!

That first 10 minutes created profound intimacy and trust in the room!?Their permission was granted and I began the presentation, adjusted in the moment to speak with empathy and compassion for what was in the room. About 10 minutes in a member put his hand up and bid me to stop. He pulled out his business card and said :-

"Pat I have just had an epiphany! There are 100 of us here today and on our cards?we call ourselves PROPERTY VALUERS. I am wondering if we called ourselves something else we might have noticed how our colleague really was. We have a focus on valuing property ...I think from today on we will value more the human exchange! "

I allowed a pregnant pause there to allow each person to take that on, before I responded.?We have to allow things to sink in and be integrated sometimes and this was one of those times.??I invite you the reader to do the same.?To pause and reflect!

I have a poem I share about the mask we wear and this time I had made a cast of my own face and shown the mask I used to wear.?

( see image)

I used it as I read the poem and the recognition in the room was palpable.??It landed so well into this shocked, grieving space.?

You could feel the discomfort but I held space to hold that safe place. My opening at the outset had invited high trust and they knew I had their wellbeing in my hands.

I completed the presentation and there was some gentle laughter generated and a standing ovation.?Ninety nine men and one woman were the delegates.?United in a very significant moment.

Leaders now need to equip themselves with a different skill set.?The future of work has been proposed and imagined by many.?Creativity, Emotional Intelligence and Critical Thinking are the top three !?What a wonderful marriage of left and right brain, the heart and the GUT!

1/ Human beings have the capacity to be very CREATIVE but it has not been fostered. We have honoured sport and academia instead.

Once you have mastered creative access you experience FLOW.

2/ Emotional intelligence (EQ) has been here 25 years and increasingly finding its expression. Leaders with high emotional intelligence have empathy, integrity and work well with others. They will be in demand.

3/ Analytical (critical) thinking

The critical thinker marries well into this triage as they can bring together innovative solutions and ideas, solve complex problems using reasoning and logic and evaluate arguments.

FLOW comes when we add CONVERSATIONAL INTELLIGENCE !

It’s been my experience that we have lost touch with our intuitive nature.?We have become grief illiterate and death phobic.?I was present and my intuition kicked in when I arrived at this venue.???Holding the space for change in our world, while allowing flow, takes a lot of energy. Yet we know we can no longer live by the old paradigm. Self awareness is crucial now!

This “deep reality change” is showing us how to move into more flow. The way we find that is by doing the work and going within!?Doing the healing has enabled me to find this access and enabled a multitude of brave conversations in business and life over the last 20 years.

?Discussing grief and trauma has been taboo in the workplace for over 20 years, because it creates that elephant in the room.?Time to address the elephant !

Why??The current global phenomena is asking us all to make an evolutionary leap !!

?

?Pat Armitstead

The worlds first Joyologist

Multi award winning speaker, facilitator, author, coach and artist

“Pat is like a spiritual midwife, delivering people out of the darkness”

www.joyology.co.nz

[email protected]