Addiction

Out of all the low points during my battle with addiction, one memory in particular stands out.

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Mentally and physically destroyed from everyday meth use and at a point of desperation, I went to have a surgical procedure as a last resort. Thinking a naltrexone implant would be the answer to my severe drug problem. It gave myself and my family a glimmer of hope.?

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I remember going to the clinic with my Dad, I'll never forgot the look of despair on his face while we waited. Years of dealing with a son caught by the grips of addiction had taken its toll on him.

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After my procedure, my desire to keep using was still there and by the end of the day I had a needle in my arm.

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Years later and after my next term of imprisonment the disease had evolved. I'd left behind my criminal life and started a career in Rail. I no longer was using meth every day. Instead, I'd become a closet user only using every second swing or so when I'd land for RR.

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Drinking copious amounts of alcohol while I was away at work and the ability to keep my drug use a secret, I thought I'd beaten the disease. I could justify everything by comparing myself to my lowest points and surrounding myself with people just like me, always looking for the good time ??

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But deep down I knew something was wrong; I knew that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't completely stop. Every attempt at sobriety always failed and I think my best was about 60 days. Every failed attempt would destroy my self-esteem and self-worth. I was a prisoner trapped by my own mind.

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When I wrote my first business plan for Redemption Inc in 2022 (Redemption Rail back then) and got news I was going to become a lecturer. I promised myself that I was going to stop everything once I started at TAFE.

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6 months later, the pressures of starting a new role in a white collar environment caused me to buckle after my first week. As I came down defeated by yet another loss in my battle with the disease of addiction. I had a crossroads moment.

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I knew that if I didn't seek help my vision and life's purpose would never come to fruition. Raising the stakes in life would get me found out and the bigger the climb the bigger the fall. I walked into the recovery rooms and surrender my will over to the program of NA

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I had always thought of recovery as some religious program that forced God onto people. Not being religious I thought it wouldn't be for me. But I was desperate and lost for idea's.

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I was surprised to find out that recovery isn't a religious program it's a spiritual program and to stay clean all that was needed was a higher power. I made my grandfather who passed away when I was 15, my higher power.

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I did all the suggested things and worked the program, guided by my sponsor. The effects of which completely transformed my life. The work and inner healing caused me to lose the desire to want to drink or do drugs well over a year ago.

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I have a meaningful life, these day's. I still have plenty of problems, but their good problems. I'm far from perfect but I always aim to be authentic and have enough humility to admit when I'm wrong.

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I use values to guide my life and treat others with respect. If I can be of service I'll try and avoid making excuses for my behaviour.

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I'm ambitious but my drive isn't fueled for a want to attain things for myself, it's about making an impact and forging a path for other broken people to follow. Resilience is just pain thats been healed and by overcoming adversity theirs always a source of gratitude to reflect on when the journey gets difficult.

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A nice house and financial freedom would be nice but it's not my primary focus it's a secondary focus behind my life's purpose.

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A few take away's from the last 2 years.

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°Sobriety and recovery are two different things. Sobriety is white knuckling it and recovery is treating it.

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°Never judge a life that you haven't lived. Some of the most incredible people I've ever met have come from the most darkest of places.

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°Your life changes when you switch from, what can I get, to what can I give. Selfless service is one of most beautiful aspects of humanity.

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°Action trumps knowledge. There’s plenty of armchair experts but few ready to take up the good fight. This principle applies to everything including recovery.

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°The moment you think you know everything is the moment you stop growing always be a student of life, open to new ideas.

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°people aren't remembered for the material things they got or achievements they attained but are remembered for they effect they have on others.

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°Envy is poison that will destroy you from within, if you feel it use it as a call for action. Only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. 3 steps forward and 1 step back is better then doing nothing. Time starts to works in your favour this way rather then against it.

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°Sometimes the most valuable thing to do is not learn something new but unlearn something that no longer serves you.

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°the way we view others is a reflection of how we view ourselves. If we constantly pass judgement on others, we are passing judgement on ourselves or using it as a means to deflect from something we need to work on. Have compassion for those less fortunate and watch the inner dialogue towards yourself change.

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°Self-confidence is built by removing the things that cause you to view yourself in a negative light and by building up enough evidence to know you are who you say you are.