Add Humility to Your Reflecting

From Expert to Humble Partner

Our power as coaches stems in large part from our willing to be humble with our clients, to really trust them to create their own awareness and plan...

We have to accommodate the idea that our clients aren’t quite confident in the new behaviors.?They may not easily tolerate that temporary loss of confidence.?In that mindset, they may not process feedback that comes from the space of “I’m the expert… trust me on this.”?Even though they profess their desire our experience and recommendations, they are feeling anxiety about entering a period of incompetence as they learn the new approach.?

We have to anticipate the fact that as they are opening up new areas of clarity, they are experiencing two forms of anxiety.?In his book, Humble Inquiry, Edgar Schein calls those forms as survival anxiety and learning anxiety.?(Schein, 2013)

Survival anxiety means that they have become aware through personal experience, receiving negative feedback, or by the coaching process itself, that something has to change or they will be at a disadvantage… maybe severe.?While that sounds negative, it fuels their desire and motivation to change and grow.

On the flip side, they may also be experiencing learning anxiety.?As they are envisioning the new thinking and behaviors, they may experience the fear that this period of learning will put them at a disadvantage because they for a period their competence may decrease.?Exactly the opposite of the long-term growth they are seeking.?This learning anxiety becomes a barrier they need to move through to enjoy the benefits of their development.

How does this relate to masterful reframing?

Our feedback has to change…?from

“What I heard you say is…. (Interpreting from our personal experience, expertise, and biases)"

To...

“I noticed that you used [their words, or their displayed emotion]…?

Tell me more about that.”?

Let them do the digging!

Great Read:

SCHEIN, E. 2013. Humble Inquiry, Oakland, CA, Berrett-Koehler.