Active listening does not mean walking and talking

Leaders are often judged by how well their actions align with their words.

It’s a pretty good measure, and leaders who get this combination right usually come off as authentic and about the work. But it’s the leaders that listen first who are the ones that reside in a truly special place that separates them from the rest.

Simple, right? Listening. We do it all the time, or at least most of us think we do.

I mean, you’ve got the hardware, are super bright and well-intentioned.

So why is it that 99.99% of the time (not statistically proven, btw), communication breakdowns, missed deadlines and disagreements occur?

It begins and ends with listening and it’s not just with your ears.

Listening is a powerful business and life skill that is often overlooked and not practiced nearly as much as it should be. Especially now, in the post-information age where everyone is armed with a phone, a snappy social media profile and an opinion to go along with it.?

But let’s not be so critical. Listening is hard.?

Simply put, communication is like a tennis match. You speak to me, I listen, then I respond. It works on paper, every time, but not so much in real life.

But with some daily practice, you’d be surprised what happens when you open your ears, open your eyes and close your mouth.???

• Listening builds trust. When you listen first, you are demonstrating a little humility and giving your audience the gift of your time and attention. People notice and appreciate it.
• Listening saves time. There’s a reason carpenters say, ‘Measure twice, cut once.’ Think about that. There’s a lot of wisdom in that line.
• ?Listening helps you see the future. In poker, inexperienced players broadcast their hands with ‘tells,’ physical changes in their behavior or demeanor that provides the other players with clues about that player's hand. The signals you give off with your body, are just as revealing as any words you speak. (More on that in a minute.)?

So how can you develop this critical skill? Here are 3 practical ways, with degrees of complexity!

• ?Put down the screen: How many times have you been to a restaurant and watched a couple at their table, each staring at their phones? That’s nutty. Put away the digital distractions, give yourself and the other person the courtesy (and respect) of your full attention and enjoy the moment away from your screen.??

Difficulty level: Easy.

• ?Check it at the door: reserve your judgments about who the person is, what they look like or what they are saying. If you are mentally judging a person’s words or appearance, in real-time, guess what? You’re not listening to them, you are listening to yourself and your hangups. Get over yourself.

Difficulty level: Hard.

• What was that? paraphrasing or the act of repeating what someone just said, but in your own words, is one of the best ways to confirm understanding. It sends a strong signal to the other person that you are listening to what they say?and fully comprehend what they just told you.

Difficulty level: Medium.

One day, we were in our first discovery meeting with a potential new business partner.

As we were meeting, I asked the other person to repeat what they just said, since I wanted to absorb the information and confirm understanding.

Harmless enough, I thought.?

There was a moment of silence.

Then after the pause, the other person sighed (no kidding) and said, ‘I don’t like to repeat myself.’

And right there, I knew where this meeting was headed.?

What I interpreted was a bit of ego and a level of high-handedness.

I know he was highly skilled, and I am sure he’s a good person, but with a simple breath (his sigh), the pause in his speech pattern and his verbal response, it was a deadly enough combination that snuffed out any further discussion.

The moral of this story? (Hint: Don’t be that guy.)

Listening is hard, no question.?

But with a little practice, you will begin to see and learn things that were always there, but you failed to notice since you were so hung up on listening to yourself!

BOUNCE is minority and woman owned and we are committed to maintaining our diverse and equitable team member base.

We’re an agency comprised primarily of people of color, which we believe adds valuable insight and expertise for our clients looking to create communications and marketing of equitable representation.

As a boutique marketing strategy and creative services agency, we wil help you align your business strategies and goals to the best communications and marketing plans that mesh our homegrown ideas and our savvy experience.

We bring Madison Avenue quality to our clients directly from our hometown of Queens, NY. We’re polished, but edgy. We’re big city, but small town. We’re international, but local.

Regardless of your business challenges or goals Bounce Marketing & Consulting can help yousolve for it.

Let's create something awesome.