Acting It Out

I woke up well before the alarm this morning; one of our cats was meowing loudly again (we have two)- pretty much every morning of this new normal, our cats have been acting differently. It’s fascinating to me how animals are so perceptive; they realize quickly when something is off. And they don’t have the ability to say: hey, what’s going on? Why are you home all day? Why are you so distracted?  Can you stop talking on the phone, please, so I can take my nap? Yet they do have the ability to meow at all hours of the night, throw up in doorways, leave presents outside of the litter box…

One of my favorite quotes from the classic Crucial Conversations is this: If you don’t talk it out, you’ll act it out. And that’s clearly what the cats are doing… Because that’s all they can do! We, as humans, have the gift of being able to talk out our frustrations, our grievances, our every thought.

This past Monday, I was talking with a friend who said a few things that really upset me. I got off the phone and stewed. Truth be told, I was pissed. While I didn’t pee all over the carpet, I did act like a jerk towards my wife (she’d be happy to attest to this). It was upon her holding up the mirror that I realized this: my unspoken frustration at my friend was bubbling up in unhealthy ways towards my wife. And that’s not a good thing.

So I called my friend. I shared what I was feeling. He listened. I felt the weight of emotion lift. It’s funny- a. he didn’t mean to upset me (really, who goes around intentionally trying to frustrate anyone?); and b. he was very thoughtful in his response.

I felt relieved. And it that relief, my wife got her fun-loving husband back; our cats got back their full-time companion. (They’re still not too happy about that.)

What is a thought or a feeling that you’ve been bottling up? What’s getting in the way of you sharing it with those that need to hear it? And what’s the impact to those around you of not sharing it?