Acting As If: Breaking Through the Barriers of Fear

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. - Ambrose Redmoon

Back in the early eighties, my wife and I were fortunate enough to be selected to take a French language course provided by the Canadian Military. We spent six months in language training at Base Gagetown in New Brunswick, and six months at Base Saint-Jean in Quebec. Following that experience, we were posted to Sept-?les, Quebec, where we had no choice but to apply what we had learned.

I truly loved learning French. Every day, I gained more confidence in my ability to communicate effectively in French. Often, though, it became frustrating, as French-speaking people would try out their English on me while I attempted to speak French. It must have sounded comical—a native English speaker speaking broken French, and a native French speaker responding in broken English! When I left Quebec a year later, I had become quite proficient in both reading and speaking French.

Over the years, I’ve tried to maintain my French skills, but I don’t use them as often as I used to. I can still communicate, but it’s not at the same level. I’ve noticed that the less I use it, the more uncomfortable I feel about speaking it.

Recently, as I was rushing around the office preparing to leave for a training seminar, the phone rang. Seeing no one else around, I picked it up and enthusiastically answered. On the other end was a woman with a strong French accent. “Allo, ees zere hanyone zere who speeks French zat hi could talk to?”

“Pardon me?” I asked.

“Yes, do you speak French?” she replied.

The moment of truth hit me like a ton of bricks. “Um, I, uh, well, not very well,” I replied. I had never felt this way before—I was actually afraid to speak French to her. What was wrong with me? I knew I could have carried on a conversation with her, but for the first time, I was afraid to try. I finished the conversation in English, hung up the phone, and lowered my head… in shame. I was astounded. Usually, I’m eager to try out new words and phrases, even in languages I don’t know well. But with a language I had spent two years learning and had practiced for the past 40 years, I hesitated. Was I afraid, or was I simply too out of practice?

I’ve mentally beaten myself up over this. I know I can’t change what happened, but it doesn’t erase the fact that when I could have helped someone in their language, I didn’t. The issue wasn’t my lack of knowledge—it was my unwillingness or fear to act.

Am I alone in this? I don’t think so. Many people come to me for coaching to help overcome fears in their lives. Whether it’s the fear of public speaking, meeting new people, or making decisions, fear can paralyze us, and people want to overcome it.

Overcoming any fear is simple to talk about but much harder to achieve. But in the end, it all boils down to one question: how badly do we want to overcome the fear that’s holding us back? Is the pain of the fear blinding the joy we would feel by conquering it?

There are many ways to conquer our fears, but the approach I prefer is straightforward: just three simple words—act as if. With this method, there’s no rolling thunder, no lightning, no voices from on high, but what we gain is a boost in confidence and a willingness to try. If we can imagine the person we want to be, with all the qualities and skills we wish to possess, and then act as if we already have those skills, fear will fade away faster than we might expect.

This week, if we face moments of doubt, hesitation, or reluctance, let’s take a moment to picture ourselves as the person who already has the abilities to overcome that fear. What would we look and act like if we were already that person? With that confident image in mind, act as if we have the skill to overcome. By doing this, we’ll create the kind of person who can tackle any task and rise to the top.

3 Action Steps

1. Practice Consistently: Just like any skill, language abilities fade without regular use. Set small, achievable goals to practice speaking French regularly, even if it’s with yourself or through language apps.
2. Embrace Imperfection: Be willing to make mistakes. Communicating with confidence, even when it’s not perfect, can help reduce fear over time. Remember, the goal is to connect, not to be flawless.
3. Visualize Success: Before starting a conversation in French (or any challenging task), visualize yourself speaking confidently. This "act as if" mindset can help reduce anxiety and build self-assurance.

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