Acknowledging my inner introvert

Here I am, am atop the Space Needle in Seattle, marvelling at the accomplishment made in building the structure and looking down upon little squares of buildings that make up the city of Seattle. In the distance I see mountains on one side, the ocean on another. Helicopters buzz the sky, tourists seeing the city from afar - yet I'm not alone, old people, young people and all those in-between all marvel at the view, phones, cameras, go-pro's, you see them all, huddle, cuddle and smile ya all.

In the distance, cars on the freeway, so busy for a Sunday. I think of those having to work, those going to see family and friends, those tourists who must wonder if the traffic will ever get better, these and more thoughts go through my head, a glass of wine in my hand and looking at the vista ahead. 

I eat cheese and seed nibbles, thin and light, a perfect complement to the wine as I think back to the walk to the space needle. Through pike place with all the fish, along the seafront with sculptures, the pier and the other landmarks you see on the way. Dog walkers, runners and walkers all, offering silent acknowledgement as they pass.

I'm deep in thought, my inner introvert lapping up the time alone, the opportunity to think, the space to have deep thought which so often is never achieved, interrupted by the demands of work and life. I pay a silent homage to the person I am, in the knowledge that during the coming week, I must become something else, outgoing, exuberant, to live in a permanent state of uncomfortableness, to present at times what I'm not. I realise, never have I written, nor acknowledged this outwardly, but as I contemplate in glorious isolation I think, perhaps today, perhaps this is the day to share, perhaps this is the day that I can also help others.

Tomorrow, with several thousands of others, I will attend a readiness event, one where you can meet your peers, to expand your mind, to catch up with old friends and make new. I look forwards to it immensely with equal parts excitement and trepidation, socialising has never come easy to me, small groups are easier, large groups harder somehow - I contemplate why this is and wonder how I can change, I recognise that growth mindset can be immensely challenging at times. 

.....and it's five days on, I've seen inspiring and interesting content, have seen leaders sharing their perspectives and had several get-together's with my team, colleagues who have moved on to new roles and folk that I've met along the way during my time at Microsoft. Even better the opportunity to connect with a old friend - the value that the internal readiness event brings is never to be underestimated, it's a significant part of the reason why I love working at Microsoft and introvert or no, has done and continues to provide hugely valuable experiences to myself and others.

And now, early in the morning, I sit alone in my hotel room. It's the day of my flight home and I see in the distance the mist eat up the buildings and muting the glare of the sun - it happens so quickly, so unexpectedly, bright sunshine one minute the other, grey everywhere and a halo in the distance, the sun trying to break through. This is symbolic on so many levels and yet I struggle to coalesce my thoughts and verbalise them. It's a reminder of darker times and how I've pushed through and realising that there are others, many others out there who are in that place right now. I post a picture I took at the conference with a simple message, one of support, one to show there are others out there that understand, that you are never alone. I'm blown away by the response it elicits, it gives me the courage to follow through with this article, written originally as a means of self-reflection, never really intended for others but, I see now the value of truly sharing, how opening up about yourself is the way to empower others.

This week I've exercised my work persona, my friend persona, my family persona, my extrovert persona. It's all me but not, there is still a core, something else that must be acknowledged, that cannot be ignored. To do so would mean I'd starve such an important part of myself, so I'm going to make sure in the future that I take the time to recognise this as it offers such value on so many levels for myself. I would say I've had the opportunity to have more contemplative thought in this one week, than I have in the last 12 months combined.

So, for you, the reader, if this resonates - spend the time to contemplate & always make sure you carve out the time to feed your inner (introvert) self. It is so easy to be distracted, to not make the time, to be dragged along as part of the crowd. Instead, recognise that this time enables you to be your (best) self. Yes, it's always easier said than done but at Microsoft, bringing your authentic (whole) self is indeed wanted and encouraged. I find it best epitomised in a well-known phrase at Microsoft "come as you are, do what you love" - there is the recognition and understanding from others here, don't be afraid nor ashamed, be you.

The continuum of your experiences from then, 'till now, is what makes you, you. Acknowledge your experiences, but don't be beholden to them. There will always be others who have been where you have been and where you are right now and no doubt, where you think you are going. Be the you that reaches out when needed, be the you that is there to share your experiences when others struggle. Together we can grow.

There is so much more to be said, yet I must finish this article to get on a plane, I'd like to have a profound message to wrap up with, but time eludes me. So, to close out I will mimic the immortal style of Yoda; Introvert, perhaps you are. Lonely, you may be. Alone you are not. Reach out you can. Here, I am.