Acknowledging Fear and Hurt

We all have different sensitivities where people can cause unintentional hurt as well as irrational things we fear. However, what makes these things worse, is if people continually highlight and emphasise things that hurt us and don't recognise or acknowledge our fears.

On Wednesday evening I had a wonderful discussion with Billal Jamil and my co-host, Dr Tom Adler on our "all inclusive solutions" podcast about the importance of everybody being heard. Our discussion covered not just having the self confidence to speak in public, but also how to communicate in a way that inspires others who don’t have the confidence and self assurance to share their perspectives and feelings.

I then listened to the CEO of the Alzheimer's Society , Kate Lee OBE being interviewed by Peter Hill on the The 'D' Word, the UK's only internet Radio Show about dementia. Peter Hill had invited Kate Lee to speak about the "Long Goodbye" advert that has caused so much hurt and division in the dementia community. Indeed, it is currently being investigated by the advertising standards agency.

For me personally, the advert had triggered a lot around supporting my Mum and Mother-in-law, who both had dementia. But the thing it really triggered for me, was my fear if I was diagnosed with dementia and couldn’t communicate very well, perhaps people would treat me as if I was dead and not communicate or build any relationships with me.

I know my family and friends would not treat me this way, but I have seen many professionals and other families not understand or dismiss the feeling of people living with dementia. Sadly, my fear that the broader community would treat me as if I were worthless and dead was reinforced by the many comments supporting the advert. Including a dreadful one on the Alzheimer’s Society YouTube Channel, about people with dementia "being the walking dead." Thankfully this comment have now been restricted on their YouTube channel!

Kate Lee OBE is supporting her Mum with dementia, and I had heard she was finding it difficult to deal with the hurt the advert was causing, so I was really interested to hear her perspective.

Listening to the interview I heard somebody who was passionate about supporting the dementia community and driven to make the world a better place for the people diagnosed with dementia in the future. There was the briefest of acknowledgements there had been an understanding some hurt would be caused by the advert, but this was dismissed as the priority was to get the dementia community the support they needed. The justification given for this dismissal, was policy makers and society needed to see an extreme narrative to change their perceptions and provide better support for the dementia community.

I really struggle with this organisational approach to change perceptions and raise money, but I can accept it, if people take the time to acknowledge the hurt and fear their actions have caused and demonstrate the benefits of said action.

The debate created by this advert provided a perfect platform to give a voice to those people who were hurt by the advert and allow them to share their perspective of the challenges dementia brings and highlight what would make a difference to their lives.

However, the Alzheimer’s Society, the biggest dementia charity in the UK refused to acknowledge the hurt the advert caused on social media, have declined to accept the petition signed by over 1700 people to stop the Long Goodbye and people living with dementia were conspicuous in their absence as presenters at their conference during dementia action week.

“To relieve and treat and promote the relief and treatment of people with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia and to provide support for such persons, their families and carers “, are their charitable objects, but sadly their actions surrounding this advert are causing extra fear and hurt to people they have pledged to support, many of whom are not able to be heard.

This week, is Dementia Awareness Week in Scotland, led by Alzheimer Scotland . Their theme is Your Voice, Your Choice, Your Life.

Their view is each person living with dementia has their own unique story, and their needs, preferences and aspirations are as diverse as they are. At Alzheimer Scotland, they advocate for a care approach that enables people with dementia to live as well as they can for as long as they can. They care about their care. They believe that good care respects and embraces diversity, giving people the power and control to make choices that reflect who they are and what matters most to them - now and in the future. Their view is good care looks different for everyone, and the best care is one that is tailored to the individual #WeCare #DAW2024.

At Sargent Group Consulting we realise people have many fears about going away and can potentially be hurt by some of the assumptions and discussions people have about those fears. Our approach is to take the time to listen and understand our clients perspective, recognising and acknowledging any hurt caused, while providing tailored solutions to their fears to enable and empower them to select a holiday thats right for them.

So, I am raising my voice in a video supporting the #WeRStillAlive campaign to stop "The Long Goodbye advert and support the petition set up by Maxine Linnell to acknowledge the hurt and fear created by this advert.

If you want to raise your voice and support the We R Still Alive campaign and Scottish Dementia Awareness week - Your Voice, Your Choice, Your Life then please share your voice by posting a photo or video describing why people living with dementia are very much alive, with the hashtags #WeRStillAlive #WeCare #DAW2024.

Here is the link to my LinkedIn video post.

If this is a step too far for you, then please support my post or acknowledge a hurt or fear somebody you know is feeling and see the difference it makes to them.

If you would like to take advantage of our free 30 minute travel advice consultation then please complete the form on our website and make a booking for a phone or video call.

Take a look at our free booklet to enable and empower the dementia community to go on that well deserved holiday “Holidaying with Dementia – Your 10-Step Approach”

Share your hints, tips and frustrations with your peers by joining our private Facebook Group Dementia Travel and Tourism