Achieving Positive Conversations Under Pressure

Although our communication and listening skills are critical at all times, they are more crucial under pressure. Misunderstandings are common in stressful situations, and sometimes they can make the situation even worse than it already was.

When we are put in a stressful situation, it is human nature to start formulating a reaction in our heads even before the other person has finished speaking. As a direct consequence of this, we pay insufficient attention to what the other person is saying. This may lead to misunderstandings, poor communication, and even conflicts if it's not handled properly. When people feel like they are being attacked, they tend to get defensive and act aggressively in response. This makes defensive reactions another source of trouble. This could lead to a standoff, which would make things a lot harder.

In situations like this, it is beneficial to reconsider our communication methods. To start with, four steps in mind…

• Acknowledge the pressure. Acknowledge the shared stress of the situation. This can act as an ice breaker and may help to make the other person feel more at ease.
• Postpose the conversation if necessary. If escalating emotions are preventing a constructive conversation from taking place, or you do not feel it’s the right time to even start with that topic, it is a good idea to acknowledge you are not ready and reconvene at a later time. This could help to provide both parties with time to cool down and come up with a better plan.
• Focus on the goal. When conversations become tense, it is easy to lose control and focus. Keep the focus on the goal or issue at hand rather than on the communication itself.
• Listen. Listen calmly and without judgment. Hear the person out and make sure you understand what they are saying before responding.

In fact, the three most important parts of good communication are talking slowly, listening carefully, and giving clear answers. In this respect, the following suggestions can help reduce misunderstandings:

1. Speak calmly and refrain from using incendiary language such as sarcasm or condescension.

2. Pay attention to nonverbal cues like eye contact, body language, and facial expressions to build a good rapport.

3. Try to avoid using absolutes such as “always” or “never.”

4. If the conversation is becoming too heated, take a pause to reassess the situation and cool off.

5. Take notes or record conversations so that both parties can refer back to the details later.

6. Be prepared to ask questions if something is unclear.

7. Finally, do not be afraid to apologize if something was misinterpreted.

By keeping these general tips in mind, we can handle stressful conversations well and end up with a much better result. But these are just general guidelines… Let us dig deeper and propose 11 specific strategies we can use:

1. Find out the facts

Until you fully comprehend what is being stated, pay close attention. If there is anything you don't understand, ask the speaker to explain. However, refrain from asking too many questions since this might be annoying.

2. Verify your understanding

Understanding is what communication aims to achieve. What is stated is interpreted by the listener. To confirm that what you heard matches what the speaker intended, it is crucial to speak with them directly. Query the speaker as to the validity of your viewpoint.

3. Be honest

Say, "I understand why you feel that way," and then be sincere. It's not necessary to concur with the speaker's emotions in order to acknowledge and accept them.

4. Listen with sympathy

Consider yourself in their position. Try to see things from their point of view. A caring attitude is demonstrated through sensitively listening to comprehend the needs and desires of others. When everyone involved in the communication process talks and listens carefully, it's easier to share thoughts and feelings and get to know each other better. Understanding or empathizing with the other viewpoint does not require agreement with it.

5. Listen without talking back

Sometimes it's vital to pause a conversation so that everyone can hear. Pay close attention to both the spoken words and the nonverbal cues. Distractions, both mental and physical, must be eliminated.

6. Acknowledge criticism well

Separate the facts from the emotional underpinnings, such as fear or rage.

7. Provide Solutions

Emotional responses make it difficult to find a solution. Try to stay calm and look for a solution that satisfies both parties.

8. Take Responsibility

In some cases, you may be to blame. Apologize sincerely and take ownership of your actions.

9. Don't give advice; just listen to what is said.

There are instances when we think the speaker is in error, and it would feel wonderful to instruct them. The timing is crucial, even when the suggestion is finally taken. Before making any suggestions, it is important to just listen, encourage, and allow the sentiments to be heard.

10. Self-talk is important

Pay attention to your speech patterns. Do you have a good or bad attitude? What does your voice sound like? Others become defensive as a result of a constant stream of sharp comments.

11. Choose your words.

Even if we don’t always get our way, it's crucial to express our desires in a clear and concise manner so we don't harbor anger.

By using these 11 tips, we can learn how to stay calm and have respectful, useful conversations even when we're under a lot of stress. If you want to dig deeper in the topic of communication under pressure, I fully recommend the following two books:

1. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.

2. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen.

What do you think? Do you communicate in the same way under stress? Leave your comments!