They achieved Net Zero ...and left us wanting more

I'm back. After a chaotic couple of weeks I'm back at my desk and, as I know you'll be wondering, yes, the cyclist is back on his bike. I just bumped into a friend who said "That's great ..." then suddenly looked very puzzled and went on to say "... but isn't that a bit scary for you as parents?"

Terrifying.

I think being a parent is probably 25% fear, 25% joy and 50% something in between. Although I have to admit, children get less boring and more useful as they get older (I was never a big fan of the baby and toddler phase).

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

Since it's Mothers' Day, well ...the words "patience" and "subservience" spring to mind. In that suddenly you have to put someone else first. The payback, though, is that they will sort out all your technological deficiencies, provide sartorial advice and will, if you play your cards right, be really good company.

I've also learnt that your children will not be you: just because you liked maths & hated hockey it doesn't mean they will feel the same and there is no point having any ambitions for them as they have to work that one out for themselves. Teach them to be kind, make conversation, eat meals together and let them get on with it.

I could say more, but this is a NEWSLETTER so let's take a little look at this week's news.

Net Zero Achieved!

I'm not sure where the term "Net Zero" originated but I have a hunch it was something to do with climate change and eliminating greenhouse gases. I don't actually understand exactly what this means and how you would go about it nor, I suspect, do many politicians, but the term is regularly bandied about as a "good thing": an aspirational goal (though more of that later).

I think some people are taking this too far now.

A Nothing Budget

Endless speculation, the promise of big tax cuts (swiftly watered down), the leaking of one of (the only?) changes in the budget, all for what? What exactly has changed as a result of the budget? Not a lot, except for some angry pensioners, disappointed Conservative back benchers and a very confused Rachel Reeves, who now has to figure out how to fund whatever it was she'd ear-marked the non-dom tax for.

It also, I suspect, did very little to influence the outcomes of the next far off election (I am not giving up hope on May by the way).

A Hot Air Aspiration

So, Jeremy and Rishi are going to do away with National Insurance. They are also going to solve the crisis in the Middle East, find a cure for cancer and put a man on Mars.

As soon as economists pointed out that this would cost ￡40bn, cabinet ministers were despatched to explain that this isn't actually a plan at all but, as Mel Stride said on the Today programme "an aspiration". Which I think can be roughly translated as "a pipe dream".

A Non Event? Maybe not

International Women's Day. I'm really conflicted. On the one (negative) hand, it's frustrating to see a whole load of "celebrations " and virtue signalling when you know there is still so much to do.

And yet, just when you want to write the whole thing off as PR nonsense, someone goes and does something profound.

This year, Baroness Louise Casey, a cross bench peer read out a list of all the women and children killed this year, where the primary suspect was a man. Jess Phillips does the same in the House of Commons and had given Louise her full support. Her plea, during a radio interview, was for more men to stand up and be vocal and active about ridding society of this scourge.

Baroness Casey previously led the independent review into the conduct of the Met Police following the murder of Sarah Everard. Her findings, which were incredibly detailed, concluded that the Met is institutionally racist, misogynistic and homophobic. Sir Mark Rowley, the Met Commissioner, refused to accept the term "institutionally". Make of that what you will.

Bullish and Odious

Meanwhile in the other corner, the woman who filed a complaint against Christian Horner has been suspended: he remains in post. And after he was found by the FCA to have done nothing illegal, Crispin Odey is now being sued in the civil courts by five women who strenuously choose to disagree.

No Plan B

Sticking with the Net Zero theme, a few years ago M&S had a nifty little catch phrase about there being "No Plan B" as they rolled out their sustainability strategies.

I've no idea how that's going but I listened to a couple of podcasts during a very long journey where people talked about motivation and drive and the attitude needed to succeed.

On Desert Island Discs, Ronnie O'Sullivan (not my natural choice of inspirational character) talked about how the only thing he'd ever wanted to do was play snooker and how that may have differed from some of the people around him. "Show me someone with a Plan B," he said, "and I'll show you someone who ain't gonna make it."

Whilst on Kirsty Young's new podcast, "Young Again" Alastair Campbell was asked why he'd never become a front line politician. "I thought about it a lot" he said, "and there's the problem. If someone says they're thinking about becoming an MP, they're probably not going to do it. It takes real commitment." In contrast, Peter Capaldi, who grew up in a tenement block in Glasgow, reflected on how he was determined to be an actor despite knowing precisely zero about how to go about making that happen.

Great food for thought. Kirsty Young was a huge loss to the radio, she's such a fabulous interviewer, so it's great to see her back.

Though listening did make me realise that my "thinking about" writing a book/going into politics means neither is probably never going to happen.

The Style Section

The style pages of the newspapers have not given up. They still insist that "kitten heels" are the way forward. I mean, where do begin with why this shoe should be consigned to history, along with the corset and a doublet & hose. No-one has feet shaped like that and, as I know to my cost, those heels will get stuck in the tread of the escalator on the tube.

I packed for my latest trip in haste and forgot shoes, but that was OK because I found that Moon Boots go with everything and there is no left and right, so if you lose one, it's not a problem. (Not sure how you'd lose a shoe though).

If, however, you're looking for something a little more stylish, I can, courtesy of my daughter recommend Onitsuka Tiger Adidas trainers (everyone else is wearing Adidas Gazelles so this will mark you out, trust me).

The Cultural Bit

I'm listening to: Young Again podcast hosted by Kirsty Young. And Desert Island Discs - Cillian Murphy up next.

I'm watching: The last 10 minutes of Oppenheimer. My son and I started watching on one of our three hour train journeys last week but got interrupted when we bumped into a very interesting couple in their seventies from the Wirrall who were doing an inter-railiing trip round Spain. Properly inspirational. So I have the last ten minutes still to watch. I just asked my son on a facetime call "Where do I watch it, did we buy or rent it on Netflix?" at which point he rolled his eyes and explained you don't buy or rent on Netflix, it's on Apple TV ... See what I mean about technological deficiencies?

I'm Reading Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution by R F Kuang. It's clever. I'm not entirely sure I'm clever enough.

That's it. It's Sunday. It's raining. Chicken in the oven, I'm off to the pub.