Accurate Self-Assessment

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” ― Ralph Ellison

What is Accurate Self-Awareness?

Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist and researcher, defines accurate self-awareness as the ability to see ourselves clearly; to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world.?(https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix )?The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as having "good knowledge and judgment about yourself."?(https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/self-awareness )?Dr. Laura Belsten, in the SEI Coaching Toolkit, describes it as an inner awareness of strengths and limitations. Synonyms of accurate self-awareness are cognizant, conscious, mindful, knowledgeable, percipient, discerning, and sentient.?(The ISEI Coaching Toolkit, ISEI, 2023 )

Those who are strong in this competency of emotional intelligence are aware of their strengths and capabilities, as well as their areas of growth. They are open to making necessary changes?so they may develop and thrive. They tend to be reflective, and learn from experiences. Their perception of self is congruent with how others' view them. They are open to honest feedback and are willing to have their perspective changed. They consistently demonstrate a desire to learn and grow.

This being said, do you have self-awareness, and if so, how accurate is it?

According to Eurich, there are two types of people. Those who think they're self-aware, and those who are. Studies show that a whopping 95% of us think we are aware!?These studies also show that in reality, only 10-15% of us actually are.?(https://nihrecord.nih.gov/2019/06/28/eurich-explores-why-self-awareness-matters) .??Which category do you fall into? I'd guess most of probably think we are relatively self-aware -- which proves her point!?

"Having self-awareness, means fully knowing who you are—your values, passions, goals, personality, strengths and weaknesses—and understanding how others perceive you." ―?Tasha Eurich

If you're in the 85-90% of those who could use some work in this competency, you may recognize some of these tendencies:

• You don't like asking for help
• You want to appear right in front of others,?and hide mistakes
• You are not aware of your areas of growth
• You see failures and mess-ups as permanent?
• You use the words "always" and "never" in your thoughts, mindsets and conversations, often
• You exaggerate your own value and strengths
• You say things like, "I don't care if others like me, as long as they respect me", or, "It doesn't matter what others think of me."
• You are more competitive than cooperative
• You have a hard time admitting when you're wrong?
• You get defensive when others notice your mistakes, flaws, or faults
• You often feel stuck, and that your success is limited by others
• You frequently feel misunderstood by others
• You tend to blame others for how you are feeling or what you're experiencing
• You want people to accept you as you are (with no desire to make changes, develop, and grow)
• You are taken by surprise when someone has a frustration or complaint with you

Everyone may experience one or some of the above, from time to time. The thing to ask is, are any of these pervasive in your day-to-day thoughts, conversations, and experiences?

Avoid Introspection

Interestingly, when it comes to self-awareness, we're not talking about introspection, which Merriam-Webster defines as?a reflective "looking inward", examining one's mental or emotional processes."?(https://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/introspection )?It is trying to figure out the whys of a particular situation ("Why did I say that?" "Why did I do that?" "Why?did this turn out this way?"). Intuitively, we may think this kind of critical thought would deepen our accurate self-awareness, however, research indicates that introspection leads toward negatives such as increased stress and depression, less relationship and job satisfaction, and feeling less control over?our lives.?Eurich's research showed that the more introspective people were the more these negatives increased! Why? Because introspection can cause us to fixate on the negative incident, which slows us down toward forward movement and growth.?She says,?"Self-analysis can trap us in a mental hell of our own making." The thought is that we truly are not capable of excavating our unconscious thoughts and motives, so we end up making things up...and the things we make up often are not accurate or based upon facts.?Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung once noted, "To ask the right question is already half the solution to a problem." Asking why is not necessarily the right question!??(https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix )

Changing Your Whys to Whats

Eurich notes a better strategy is to change our whys to whats. While the word "why" causes us to feel stuck, the word "what" invokes forward action. Here are some examples of "what" questions to ask when you are?in a challenging situation, which in turn will lead toward more accurate self-awareness:

• What are my strengths are areas of growth? What would those closest to me say are my strengths and areas of growth?
• What could I do to gather feedback from others on this situation?
• What values in me does this affirm?
• If I were to go back, what is one thing I would do differently next time?
• What results might I see if I were to try a different method or action?
• What has worked for others in a similar situation?
• What is one thing I could ask for help on?
• What do I want to see happen here?
• What is one strength about me that I tend to exaggerate?
• What is something new I could be open to?
• Instead of casting blame, what is one thing I can do today to head in a new direction?

Having an honest talk with yourself about strengths and areas of growth can be challenging, but the conversation is so vital to becoming more self-aware. Enlisting the help of a?Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach ?can be beneficial as you grow. These trained coaches can provide you with assessment tools such as the Social and Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP), an insightful, scientifically-validated way to identify your strengths and areas of growth. A 360 assessment may lead to even more insights.

"The most important conversations you’ll ever have are the ones you’ll have with yourself."?―?David Goggins

The Benefits of Accurate Self-Assessment

In an article at positivepsychology.com, Top 11 Benefits of Self-Awareness According to Science, author Kelly Miller outlines positives such as psychological impacts, increased empathy, self-regulation, more creative achievements, higher self-esteem, and better results in achieving goals, to name a few. Deepak Chopra says that by becoming self-aware, we gain ownership of reality?and can begin to master our lives. He goes on to say, "Becoming self-aware opens the door to lasting change and empowers us to make the most nourishing choices in every moment."?(https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-self-awareness/ ;?https://www.deepakchopra.com/articles/becoming-self-aware/ ).?

William Schultz, an American psychologist, puts it this way:?"As my awareness increases, my control over my own being increases." Eurich's research shows that accurate self-awareness leads to?fulfilling, stronger relationships, by enabling us to be more creative, better communicators, and more confident.?(https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix)

?How would your life change for the better if you were to become more self-aware, and accurate about your awareness? Who would benefit from your growth, and how might their lives be impacted in a positive way?