Accurate Self-Assessment
Amy Sargent
Executive Director of Emotional Intelligence | Facilitator and Instructor | Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach
“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” ― Ralph Ellison
What is Accurate Self-Awareness?
Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist and researcher, defines accurate self-awareness as the ability to see ourselves clearly; to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world.?(https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix )?The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as having "good knowledge and judgment about yourself."?(https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/self-awareness )?Dr. Laura Belsten, in the SEI Coaching Toolkit, describes it as an inner awareness of strengths and limitations. Synonyms of accurate self-awareness are cognizant, conscious, mindful, knowledgeable, percipient, discerning, and sentient.?(The ISEI Coaching Toolkit, ISEI, 2023 )
Those who are strong in this competency of emotional intelligence are aware of their strengths and capabilities, as well as their areas of growth. They are open to making necessary changes?so they may develop and thrive. They tend to be reflective, and learn from experiences. Their perception of self is congruent with how others' view them. They are open to honest feedback and are willing to have their perspective changed. They consistently demonstrate a desire to learn and grow.
This being said, do you have self-awareness, and if so, how accurate is it?
According to Eurich, there are two types of people. Those who think they're self-aware, and those who are. Studies show that a whopping 95% of us think we are aware!?These studies also show that in reality, only 10-15% of us actually are.?(https://nihrecord.nih.gov/2019/06/28/eurich-explores-why-self-awareness-matters) .??Which category do you fall into? I'd guess most of probably think we are relatively self-aware -- which proves her point!?
"Having self-awareness, means fully knowing who you are—your values, passions, goals, personality, strengths and weaknesses—and understanding how others perceive you." ―?Tasha Eurich
If you're in the 85-90% of those who could use some work in this competency, you may recognize some of these tendencies:
Everyone may experience one or some of the above, from time to time. The thing to ask is, are any of these pervasive in your day-to-day thoughts, conversations, and experiences?
Avoid Introspection
Interestingly, when it comes to self-awareness, we're not talking about introspection, which Merriam-Webster defines as?a reflective "looking inward", examining one's mental or emotional processes."?(https://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/introspection )?It is trying to figure out the whys of a particular situation ("Why did I say that?" "Why did I do that?" "Why?did this turn out this way?"). Intuitively, we may think this kind of critical thought would deepen our accurate self-awareness, however, research indicates that introspection leads toward negatives such as increased stress and depression, less relationship and job satisfaction, and feeling less control over?our lives.?Eurich's research showed that the more introspective people were the more these negatives increased! Why? Because introspection can cause us to fixate on the negative incident, which slows us down toward forward movement and growth.?She says,?"Self-analysis can trap us in a mental hell of our own making." The thought is that we truly are not capable of excavating our unconscious thoughts and motives, so we end up making things up...and the things we make up often are not accurate or based upon facts.?Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung once noted, "To ask the right question is already half the solution to a problem." Asking why is not necessarily the right question!??(https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix )
Changing Your Whys to Whats
Eurich notes a better strategy is to change our whys to whats. While the word "why" causes us to feel stuck, the word "what" invokes forward action. Here are some examples of "what" questions to ask when you are?in a challenging situation, which in turn will lead toward more accurate self-awareness:
Having an honest talk with yourself about strengths and areas of growth can be challenging, but the conversation is so vital to becoming more self-aware. Enlisting the help of a?Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach ?can be beneficial as you grow. These trained coaches can provide you with assessment tools such as the Social and Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP), an insightful, scientifically-validated way to identify your strengths and areas of growth. A 360 assessment may lead to even more insights.
"The most important conversations you’ll ever have are the ones you’ll have with yourself."?―?David Goggins
The Benefits of Accurate Self-Assessment
In an article at positivepsychology.com, Top 11 Benefits of Self-Awareness According to Science, author Kelly Miller outlines positives such as psychological impacts, increased empathy, self-regulation, more creative achievements, higher self-esteem, and better results in achieving goals, to name a few. Deepak Chopra says that by becoming self-aware, we gain ownership of reality?and can begin to master our lives. He goes on to say, "Becoming self-aware opens the door to lasting change and empowers us to make the most nourishing choices in every moment."?(https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-self-awareness/ ;?https://www.deepakchopra.com/articles/becoming-self-aware/ ).?
William Schultz, an American psychologist, puts it this way:?"As my awareness increases, my control over my own being increases." Eurich's research shows that accurate self-awareness leads to?fulfilling, stronger relationships, by enabling us to be more creative, better communicators, and more confident.?(https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix)
?How would your life change for the better if you were to become more self-aware, and accurate about your awareness? Who would benefit from your growth, and how might their lives be impacted in a positive way?
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1 年I think about self-awareness a LOT, because I believe its the foundation of Emotional Intelligence. Much of my contemplation is around people who say things like "I'm very self-aware", because they seem to be the least self-aware people I know. From the article "According to Eurich, there are two types of people. Those who think they're self-aware, and those who are. Studies show that a whopping 95% of us think we are aware!?These studies also show that in reality, only 10-15% of us actually are." The way I see it, if we get to that place where we believe we've mastered self-awareness, we're at risk of feeling superior to others, which is a problematic place to be (for those around us at least). Thinking we know everything about ourselves leaves little room for learning. Much like the other SEI competencies, self awareness is a life-long journey of humility, contemplation and discovery, driven by the desire to become the best version of ourselves.