Accepting your New Team Member

Recently we took on another team member. No, not at work - I mean in my family. A stray dog in fact. It's only been two weeks since the cheeky chappy in the photo above joined myself, my husband, our two children, the dog we already had and our cat, Odin.

 It's taken some adjustment and will require more, I have no doubt - from all sides. However, of all of us the most adjustment was required from our rather large, bear-like shaggy black dog, Ince. We named the new dog, Kylo.

 It has struck me, as I've watched the two dogs'  relationship develop and how Kylo has settled in to his new surroundings, just how similar the situation is to accepting a new team member in the office.

 And here's why...

The New Arrival:

On the first day, Kylo, being the much smaller dog (standing only 15cm high and 30cm in length) clearly felt somewhat intimidated by Ince, who towers above him at around 1m tall and 1.5m long. For the first couple of hours Kylo was slightly aggressive towards Ince, wanting to make sure his presence was felt and heard. To his credit Ince did not retaliate once - not even a bark.

All Ince could see was a new play mate. Ince looked at me with confusion in his eyes as if to say, 'Why doesn't he just want to play nice?'. Ince could see me chastising Kylo though and heard me praising him for his patience and so was reassured that his approach was right.

 Within a couple of hours Kylo, keen to please his new masters, had settled enough to remain calm in Ince's presence.

 Ever had a new team member who has come in a bit like a bull in a china shop? A little too eager to announce their arrival, a little too forceful? Too keen to show their worth from the get-go? Perhaps they came across as pushy and a bit loud.

 Try to remember your new team member may be a little scared, intimidated or feel threatened even. After all, to them you might be the big shaggy dog - the established forerunner with time and experience in the role and company on their side. As the smaller dog everything's new to them and they don't yet know all the rules of the game. They come with their own past, most of which will be unknown to you, and they might be keen to make an impression and establish their identity.

 Play it cool, like Ince, and a good boss will note you are upset and let the newcomer know they need to calm it down a little, meanwhile thanking you for your understanding and patience.

The Second Day:

During the evening of Kylo's second day we settled down to watch television. Ince went to his usual spot, lying down on his bed. Kylo attempted to join him and cuddle up. Now Ince was a little fearful - what if Kylo ried to nip him again? Or he got barked at?  A case of 'once bitten, twice shy' you might say.

 This time I praised Kylo and tried to encourage Ince to assume good intent and stay where he was; to let Kylo come to him and to make amends.

Maybe you've seen this play out in the office? Perhaps a new team member has, unintentionally, upset an established team member. A good boss will notice this and encourage their older employee to assume good intent and give the new person a second chance to create a good impression. At the same time they'll commend the new team member for reaching out and trying to connect.

 Give each one what they need

 Now Ince already had a large dog bed, food bowl and chunky lead but by day three it was clear that Kylo was staying.  So we went and bought a new smaller dog bed, less clunky lead and smaller bowl. Ince also could eat large chunky food and biscuits but Kylo's small jaw required food that was less bulky. Kylo also needed a sweater since, due to his size, he got cold really easily when out on walks which Ince, with his long hair did not require.

Emotionally, I tried to reassure Kylo he was now in his 'forever home' but meanwhile I had to balance that with enough attention to Ince to know that he still had a place within the family unit. That both of them  held value and had a worth they each brought.

Were they being treated equally? Well, no - but then they both had different needs.

And that's what a good boss does too when accepting in a new team member - they ensure all members have what they need and even though each is being treated differently they are both being treated fairly.

The dogs that walk together stay together.

 At first I was concerned about taking the dogs for walks together. But then I was given some great advice by someone else about introducing another dog in to the family unit. She told me that walking them together was very helpful in getting them to bond.

Suddenly they realised they weren't competition. They could capitalise on each other's strengths. It was them against the world and they could tackle whatever came across their path, together.

This reminded me of some research I read recently around the team that eats together performs better together. The bonding and connections that come from simply 'breaking bread' with one another can often be more valuable than any team-building or outward bound experience.

Conflict happens!

Around day 6 the relationship between Kylo and Ince had really moved on. While on a walk  Kylo had decided to take on the big, white dog who lives down the road and barked like a maniac at him until the white dog was whimpering. Kylo knew that Ince, big though he is, is really as soft as marshmallow.

Later on during that same walk, when it was snowy and sleet was falling, Ince noticed that Kylo (despite his sweater) was shivering. Ince changed his stance so that he now stood over Kylo, sheltering him from the cold, wet flakes.

 Yet, later that evening, when both of them wanted to play with the same tug-o-war toy, there was growling and a little snapping. They soon sorted it out between themselves though, with perhaps a little encouragement from my husband and myself.

Point is, even when team members get along and show support for one another, it won't all be hearts and flowers. There's bound to be some bumps in the road and maybe especially in the first few days and weeks.

So the next time you have a new team member coming on board - whether you are the team manager or their new colleague I hope some of these lessons I have learnt will help you.

Joanna Jack #becurious #whatislifewithoutwonder #AgentForChange