The Accepter. The Sufferer. The Resister. Which are you?

Analysis by King's College London found that Briton's fall into one of three groups depending on their response to the coronavirus lockdown - the accepter, the sufferer and the resister.

The largest group at 48% of the UK have accepted our new way of life during the coronavirus outbreak. However, even within this group there are those who are coping pretty well and those who are really suffering.

44% are suffering. Whilst 9% resist the changes.

Click on the article below for the full details.

It sounds nice. It sounds possible. Then something annoying happens, and all that thought of flowing with life can just fly right out the window, and we are back, stuck in resistance and suffering, struggling to solve things with a great deal of strain.

Why? Why can’t it be easier to actually accept things as they are?

The Danger Of Acceptance

Because, perhaps, it feels very dangerous to do so. A very primal part of our minds assumes acceptance automatically means non-action. Non-action means nothing gets fixed, and nothing getting fixed ultimately means that we are worse off, closer to pain, and closer to death.

We would rather suffer a bit and survive, than say no to any of the suffering and risk putting ourselves in a worse position.

So the question is, what is the most effective way to live? What is the most effective way to solve problems? Is it resistance or is it acceptance?

Inner Resistance Can Work

Resistance works to some degree. If it didn’t work, at least a bit, we wouldn’t resist life and each other. If someone is angry at someone, they might shout at them and get them to comply with what they want. If someone is upset about something, the upset can be a motivating force for action.

Because it works a bit, and it’s how we get trained to function, we start to believe that inner resistance to life is the only way to found any action that can make things better.

Is it true?

Resistance In Emergencies

Have you ever been in an emergency situation, where you had to act without thinking? My most recent memory was my friend shutting the passenger door of my car, shutting her finger in it by accident. She had also locked the door from the inside before it shut, so she couldn’t just open the door again. I opened my own door, reached inside and released the finger-trapping door from the within, and she was free. She kept her finger intact and escaped with bruising, which was a massive bonus all round.

She said afterwards that she was surprised how quickly I acted. I didn’t think I did, because it just happened. Without me having the luxury of time to spend in resistance, thinking “Oh no, she’s in pain,” or “Oh no, why do things like this happen?” or even “Oh no, she will get blood all over my car” — instead it was just a blur of action where the body’s intelligence took over, bypassing the personal self that is usually full of resistive opinions. I’m sure everyone can relate. Someone says you acted fast, but you didn’t feel like you did anything. It acted for you.

Acceptance Removes Barriers To Action

That’s what happens when we aren’t stuck in resistance. Acceptance doesn’t mean “I accept that life is like this forever, and I hereby cut myself off from the universe to take any action.” No. This is what our minds tend to think of acceptance as being.

Really, acceptance is alignment. It’s putting yourself in complete alignment with the situation, so that it’s almost as if the situation uses you to correct itself. But you aren’t even trying, you are just moved to act.

Other times action might not even be needed — something else happens outside of you to help you out. On other occasions there is literally nothing you can do, and the arising sanity from nonresistance shows you that no matter how much you worry, the worry will not produce any fruitful action.

Acceptance Leads To Clarity

Fruitful action tends to come from clarity. Think of the most intelligent people you have ever met, or even ones that you know of. When they are at their best, are they worrying? Are they resisting? Are they saying “Woe is me”? Usually they are clinical, they have more of a “Yes” attitude towards life.

“There is problem? OK, let’s fix it then.” Rarely do you hear a highly effective person saying “Oh, no not another thing to fix. When will it end?”

Renewed Energy

Life is exhausting when there is a “No”. It might take years to become exhausting, but after a while, the constant “No” to life’s inevitable challenges means that life will become a heavy drag that will feel like a terrible burden.

If we begin to say “Yes” to things, first as an experiment to see if it works, we will find soon enough that the “Yes” not only makes things more pleasant, but it activates an intelligence within us that automatically acts whenever necessary. Now it is not so much up to you, personally. It just happens, more effortlessly.

Acceptance Allows More Space For Action

We are not silly. Even if you accepted the fact that there was some dog faeces in your living room, you would probably not just sit there and breathe it in. If you could remove it, you naturally would, but your mental burden would probably be much lighter.

And even beyond that, since your innate intelligence becomes activated, you treat your dog or the owner of the dog in a way that is beneficial for you and them both.

The difference is that now you don’t feel so polluted on the inside, and you are less likely to activate anyone else’s defence mechanisms so easily because your action has become more laser-pointed, and pure.

It is worth experimenting with, at least.

Say “Yes” to this moment, and see what happens.

Please note that the above - with the exception of the research by King's College London - is all opinion and I would encourage you to react to your surroundings however you feel most comfortable. Should you be finding this time especially stressful or feel you are suffering the help is available in so many formats and I am happy to discuss or point you in the right direction should you want to message me privately.