Acceptance Vs Expectations

"I dont have any #expectations from my child." This is what most parents say.. but do you really mean it? Would you allow your child to do whatever they wish actually, because your child can see the #expectations in your eyes, when they speak to you. Expectations are not always expressed openly, there are hidden expectations in terms of worries, anxieties, fears etc.. which are subtly passed down even without being expressed. When I was in my 9th grade, I was well aware that my father did not have the means to pay donation or use #influence to get me into any Engineering college. He didn't have to tell me that, the #fear was evident in the day to day #interaction . Most of my fears and drivers for preparation for my #exams and the fear of the uncertain #future came from there.

There also could be #positive unexpressed expectations like #desires , #hopes and #dreams , which also could be passed down, both in a positive manner or a negative manner. For eg. a highly decorated defence officer could expect his child to surpass his #achievements in the forces, whereas the child could feel #threatened looking at the super achievements of the father. On the other hand, there could be positive expectations which motivate the child, and encourage them to actually enjoy their performance.

What should be the right approach? I would like to share a few tips for all parents:-

(a) Positive Expectations. Build #positive thoughts always regarding your child, especially when you get #worried and #anxious , have #faith in your upbringing and #confidence in your child that he or she is capable and can handle any situation with #maturity , especially if they are #teenagers . Do not get influenced by #media and #news and get worried that they will get into drugs or bad company. If you have followed #goodhabits yourself at home, it is almost 100% probability, that your child will also follow good habits. Children learn what their parents do, so if you are a late night party person and frequently spend night outs, then you can expect the same from your child too. If you are an #exercise freak and daily get up early each day, generally the child also gets into that habit, sooner or later. So, as early as possible, parents need to correct their habits if they want their children to be good when they are of age. #values and habits are not "teachable" but are to be #practiced diligently, if you want your child to be good. This is what is called "samskar" in our native language.

(b) Acceptance. All children are different, and have their own #personalities . This is quite #mystical and you will be surprised as to how two siblings can be so different and nothing like both the parents. This is the beauty of creation and nature. So, the sooner we start accepting their own #inherent nature, and not get influenced by what the teacher in school says, the better it is. Nobody knows your child better than you, and never try to change your child's #nature . It is God's gift to you that you have a #specialchild. In fact, every child is #special in some way or the other. The use of the word "special" child unfortunately makes us think that something is #abnormal. Not at all!! Every child is made different and everyone need not be the #follower of the #socialnorms defined by #schools or #institutions or #society . In today's day and age, there are various options of #education available for everyone and we need to first "accept" the child as they are and then see what is the best #options available for our children. Not everyone is made to be a researcher or scientist or an entrepreneur. We all are in good times where there are so many work #opportunities available for all, so don't worry only about #academicsuccess and performance. Some children excel in other fields and do really well where academics doesn't matter at all. Therefore 90% of problems are solved the moment we learn to accept our child the way he or she is, and don't try to change them.

(c) Appreciation. Identify the areas where the child enjoys the most and start interacting with the child with regard to those areas of interest only. #appreciate and #reward their performance in those areas. Every human being needs appreciation, the world is very rough and unfair and only gives advice for #improvement . Unfortunately, this method reduces the #selfesteem of the children. If they lose #confidence in something, only very few children have the inherent tendency to become better when they are #challenged, most children avoid those areas where they are criticized. So if you are a lucky parent who has a child who is a #challenger , they will enjoy the same and manage well, others need to be careful and stop the "#faultfinding " and "#criticism " approach. Rather use "#appreciation " to make them feel good and repeat their activity where they excel and perform. Imagine criticizing Sachin Tendulkar for his dancing skills and sending him to a dance coaching class to improve. Don't do one of these #commonmistakes .

(d) Invest in Mentoring. However #qualified and #educated you are, it is very difficult for a parent to be a #mentor for his/ her children, because you are interacting daily with them and you have your own #perspective or #conditioned response. A credible mentor whom you have faith on or is an inspiring individual and who can connect well with your child, can actually show you a mirror with a very different perspective or views and make you realise much more about your own child's inherent capabilities, using some simple psychometric tools or even by general discussions and engaging conversations. Mentoring is the need of the hour in todays situation when the #externalnoise of the world is too much, and can completely envelop and dim the "#internalvoice" of a child who is meant to be a #superstar , but settles down for the "#beatentrack" because of this. It is wise to invest in a good mentor who can #handhold you and enable the child to confidently pursue his/ her own areas of interest and #proficiency with a much higher level of #confidence and #clarity.

(e) Enjoy the Process. Too much of focus on #longterm goals or #highachievements can actually make a child lose interest in their passion too. They will actually burn out. So let them just enjoy the "#flow " of their daily activity and enjoy what they love doing. Do not pressurize them to win a medal or a prize, if they enjoy their activity each day, the medal and prize will come on its own. As a #longdistance runner, every time I set a goal and ran with the goal in mind, I landed up doing worse, and each time, I just ran the event to enjoy the run, I got a better timing. Frankly even if you do plan and push yourself to get a goal and achieve it, as soon as you achieve that goal, it is all over, and after a few moments, it is a blank. You also will realize that with such a goal in mind, you forgot to enjoy the #beauty in the #process. So just let them be and enjoy each day and you will see the #results come, as long as they enjoy their day to day #activities .

(f) Make Academics Easy. Yes, #academics in schools is not as tough as it is made out to be. Actually, it is very easy, but #psychologically, the children are made to feel and so are parents that studies are very difficult. I have personally worked with so many students including my children, where I only used to #reinforce this point in all my #interactions , and over a period of time, it actually becomes easy for them. They just need to develop an interest to learn, and they find their own ways, with today's technology, everything is available on the internet. #selflearning is the best approach.

(g) Physical Exercise. Make physical exercise a part of life both for yourself as well as for the child, it is important, because children follow parents. Prioritize your life to make physical exercise as a part of the daily routine. There is a direct link to #academicsuccess and energy levels. Refer my previous article on habits.

Life is about creating memories which bring a smile to your face. Be Sincere, Not Serious. Enjoy this unique Journey of yours.. @Jeevan Pravaas