Acceptance is the key to everything...

or "How to foster Neurodivergent Advocacy and Acceptance in the Workplace"

It's #NeurodiversityCelebrationWeek this week and for those who couldn’t catch this session live - I'd like to put in a plug to listen to the recent ADDitude Magazine talk by the wonderful Dr. Jessica H. who spoke movingly about the subject of Neurodiversity in the Workplace - a topic that for those of you that know me, will know is very close to my heart https://goto.webcasts.com/starthere.jsp?ei=1594429&tp_key=ac654b99d8 It was a fascinating session that was chocka block full of hints and tips that really made me look at masking and acceptance in a new light.

#Masking is commonplace amongst the Neurodivergent community and at its core is the notion that some folks expend huge amounts of energy to cover up their “quirks” and fit in with what is deemed “normal” behavior. As with any conscious activity it can come at a massive cost to executive function as requires constant energy and it can often sadly lead to burnout…so what’s it all about then?

If you are not neurodivergent, the following short thought experiments may help build up greater understanding about masking. Think back for a minute, but have ever found yourself in a new situation where you weren’t sure what was expected of you? Perhaps you;

• Took a trip abroad where you didn’t speak the language - but still had to access public transport, or
• Met the family of a new life partner for the first time

Now really think about how did these situations make you feel. You may well be fortunate enough not to let these things phase you at all and that’s great, but you may well have felt a sense of slight unease in the former situation or a real desire to fit in and be accepted in the later? Hopefully these were fleeting feelings and you were able to board that bus/train and get on with your journey or bond with your in laws over a meal etc. But for those initial moments before you bought the ticket or laughed with Bob over funny stories from your partners past, it probably kinda sucked a bit right? and you may well have had to think a bit more about what you were doing or saying or hold stuff back?

Now imagine if you will that that uncertainly, that unease, that “kinda sucked a bit feeling” is your life in the workplace all day every day 9-5?

Now that really kinda sucks a lot doesn’t it! and that in a nutshell my friends, is the experience of a large number of your neurodiverse colleagues in workplaces wherever/whenever #acceptance of difference is in short supply.

Acceptance of difference is so important as it allows people to assert their own needs, whilst also accepting that someone else may feel or think differently, and while understanding why they might feel that way. This approach in turn paves the way for greater #mutualrespect and #understanding and helps build #psychologicalsafety . Psychological safety being that most wonderful of all environments that encourages, recognizes and rewards individuals for their contributions and ideas by making them feel safe when taking interpersonal risks.

As you might imagine it’s pretty darn near impossible to live and function effectively in a “kinda sucks a lot state”, so as a protective shell to manage the internal turmoil occurring, masking comes along to the short-term aid of the neurodivergent (and long term detriment). Folks cannot be themselves and over the years as they get called weird/odd/zany or get mocked for sucking at sports etc. or laughed at for liking to play with #lego * they bracket off huge parts of their personality from the view of the world and knuckle down and spend most of their waking lives trying desperately to fit in by #copying the external behaviors they see in the world around them. Some folks may say “...well everyone does that now don’t they...” and of course they’d be right, but they’d also be really wrong. The process here is #qualitatively different to standard #socialization and even once neurodivergent folks know/have learnt “the rules” it can still feel alien and wrong, so that’s when like Spidey they buckle up and don a MASK**

If we can continue to work toward a workplace culture that embraces psychological safety, encourages “selective vulnerability” and champions acceptance of difference - whilst still approaching one another with radical candor - the outcomes and rewards for us all, have the potential to be truly transformational.

So next time you see someone fiddling/fidgeting in a meeting, doodling or getting up and walking about please be accepting – it well may just be that the MASK is finally slipping a bit and they are comfortable in letting you into a little piece of their world you never knew existed. If/when you are fortunate enough to find a workplace where people truly live their values every day, make sure you treasure it and shout it out how special it is to the world so #thankyou BeyondTrust for #LettingMeBeMe #Humility #Teamwork #Results #Integrity #Accountability #Passion #ThisIsND Emma Gallagher Nic Saunders - Positive Energiser ??????♀? Catherine Knibbs Dan Harris FRSA Prof. Amanda Kirby MBBS MRCGP PhD FCGI Klaus A. ?????Raymond S. Tree Hall AuDHD Wayne Fitzgerald Nick Phillips ?? Dr. Helen Hodges Reid D. Clare Bourne Simon Wallis Akua Opong CITP MBCS FRSA Philip Bridges Dr. Tiffany Jameson, MBA, PHR

Resources

Timothy R Clark (2020) The Four Stages of Psychological Safety - Defining the Path to Inclusion and Innovation Berrett-Koehler The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety by Timothy Clark - Wind4Change

Naz Delam (2020) Climb your Emotional Rainbow – A guide on regulating emotional culture at work ONLINE https://nazdelam.medium.com/emotional-agility-a-guide-on-regulating-emotions-at-work-6409829c64e3

Kim Scott (2019) Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity St. Martin's Publishing Group

This Is Me – Invisible Disability Project ONLINE https:///www.invisibledisabilityproject.org/this-is-me

References

* “…Haha… that’s those stupid block things for kids right you don’t actually like that do you?..” ERMM No I guess?

** Aww man, Alice is talking to me directly now – I need to maintain eye contact here, I need to make a noise of agreement there, but what did she say before.. blast I’ve lost the thread again…I was thinking about bees again, but how do they make pollen into honey, it’s mad that shouldn’t really work, am I eating bee spit on toast? Yuk.. NO FOCUS she’s waiting now… what was I gonna say, no it’s gone, blast it was something to do with corporate hive structures sure there was a link there? … I can’t fiddle with my pen or doodle, folks look at me funny when I do that then I feel more awkward … but it helps me concentrate…no she's still waiting for a response “Well Alice that’s a really strong point you made there, have you ever considered the parallels between modern corporate life and apiary?”