Accept Radically to Succeed in Life

In 2003. Tara Branch published the book Radical Acceptance. On seeing the title of this book, I was quite intrigued. How can acceptance be radical, I asked myself. Instead of asking myself, I read the book, to find out what this means. Please get a copy and read for yourself, this powerful message.

Powerful Skill

On reading the book, I found that radical acceptance is a skill to use when your life is not what you expect it to be. It is about doing what you need to do at each moment. This remind me of Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now. Getting done what needs to be done right now, without if or but, pas de si ni de mais, as my friend Pierre Boulet, would tell me when I lived in France. ?Radical acceptance is the skill of not worrying how things should be. It is a skill of completing a task at hand no matter how difficult it would appear. In common parlance, we talk about swallowing the bitter pill. While some call it to bite the bullet.

This Moment Could Not Be Any Other Way

Radical acceptance means accepting this moment, this situation exactly as it is. Accepting that this moment could not be any other way given the causes that led to the present circumstance. Remember the law of cause and effect. Every cause produces an effect. It is no point getting frustrated by the effect, because you cannot change the cause. Radical acceptance is the skill of accepting the effect, because you cannot change the cause. Luke cited the Great Teacher saying, no man having put his hand on the plow and is looking back is worthy. Radical acceptance is what makes you worthy.

Accept. Not Approve

Radical acceptance does not mean that you have to approve of, or like the moment you are going through, which is the effect of a negative cause. Radical acceptance is about turning our life from rejecting reality as it is right now, but accepting reality, whether we accept the cause. Changing reality requires accepting it first.

Why Not Me

The word should, indicates lack of acceptance and brings about unhealthy attitude of why me. Best attitude is to ask, why not me, instead. This helps you to become aware that you are rejecting reality, that you cannot change a cause after it has occurred. Now make a choice towards accepting reality as it is.

What You Accept You Move Beyond

Remember, everything has a cause. Even in situations that elicit a lot of pain and suffering, it is important to keep in mind that life is worthy living.

Remember it is important for you to continue living.

Accept those things that are excruciatingly painful. Things like abuses you suffered in the past. Accept yourself, your traits??and

characteristics as they are even if you do not like them, including such characteristics as your height, gender, race and so many things that you cannot change. When you are suffering in life. It is necessary to completely let go. Get past the things that you would be resisting for so long. What you accept you move beyond.

Snake Bite

Stephen Covey reminded us in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, published in 1989, that It is not the snake bite that kills a person, but the venom running in the veins as the person is chasing the snake to kill it for biting him. Radical acceptance is about attending to the snakebite, to prevent poison from spreading to the whole body, rather than chasing after the snake.

Be Stoic

It is important to make a stoic distinction, between things that are up to us, and things that are not up to us. We cannot control the outside world. We can only control the inside world. We cannot change the past. We can only do things at the present moment. We have no certainty about the future. We only have the present moment to take position about life. Life can only be understood backwards, as Steve Job said, we only connect dots looking backwards. ?However, life has to be lived forward. What do you do?? Are we going to master the present, or fight the past. Or are we going to master the courage to accept the present and everything in it, and the ugliness of this moment

Radical acceptance is about accepting that what is not in our control is not in our control. It is about not spending time trying to change what is not in our control and losing sleep over it. Remember the serenity prayer, “Lord help me to accept things that I cannot change. Change what I can change, and give me the wisdom to know the difference. “

Suffering is created by attaching ourselves to past painful experiences, situations, people and past reality.

Growth Substrate ?

Radical acceptance is about accepting a bad experience as it is and not getting consumed by it or trying to avoid or fix it. It is about taking from an experience what serves you allowing yourself to grow and evolve from it. Don’t get stuck in a pain of that experience. The stockiness is what brings about pain and suffering.

The idea is that when you relinquish control over things that you have no control over, Then you take control of things that you have control over. This is the launch pad for growth, your growth substrate.

I cannot control that people in the world do not like me, I cannot control that I have to wait for an hour on the phone to speak to someone for one minute. What I can do is accept the experience. From there I consider the role I want to play; I allow the present moment to inform my emotion without consuming it. If I don’t I would get lost in painful emotions and get consumed by them. What are all the things I try to control in my life, and they cannot be with in my control

Virtue of Prudence

Radical acceptance calls the virtue of prudence to action. We can spend countless hours trying to change what is not in our control. Eliminate the unknown, stall failures. We falsely believe that power has been bestowed upon us to make everyone like us. We want others to do what we want, believe what we believe, and operate on our schedule. Trying to control what we cannot control is the human condition. We are conditioned to avoid uncertainty and discomfort. We are convinced that there is a way to beat the system, and change what has already occurred.

These attempts to control things that are not in our control, are not signs of strength, but signs of weakness. They are signs of unchecked anxiety and distress. They are not a sign of strong organizational skill, or talents.?When trying so hard to control things that are not in my control, I could be asking myself, what does it say about me to the world, if I can’t.?What is the view of the world if I see myself as a victim, villain, and hero in every story. It is not about instilling in myself a believe that I can handle everything and if bad things happen, it is my fault. This is incredibly demeaning and overwhelming.

Activate the Queen

Prudence is the queen of moral virtues. Moral actions of prudence follows three steps. The first step is to deliberate the means necessary to achieve a goal. The second step is to select one means from the pool of available means, selecting the most preferable means, given the circumstances at hand. This means judging a righteous judgement, as explained by Zephaniah. ?Third step, take action to achieve the goal. commend yourself for taking action about what you just did. Therefore, the three steps of prudence are critical to taking action for the right cause. Remember, the right cause produces the right effect.

Radical acceptance is about judging ???what is not in your control, against what is in your control, then, choosing what is in your control and acting on it. Radical acceptance opens path to prudence.