ABUSES OF SEXUAL LOVE

There are many ways that sexuality is abused.?The principles and ideals above should be the measure for all sexual activity and affection.?When sexuality fails to live up to these ideals, sin is committed.?Below are some specific examples of how sexuality is abused and, therefore, how the Sixth Commandment is broken.?

ADULTERY:?

Adultery is the willful breaking of the marriage bond through one or both spouses by engaging in sexual intercourse with another.?It is a full expression of lust since adultery cannot be an expression of authentic pure love.?Sexual intercourse is intended by the design of God to be embraced exclusively within the context of the marriage covenant.?Jesus took this further (as we will see in the next section on the Ninth Commandment) when he said, “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:28).?Adultery causes grave damage to marriage and family life and introduces disorder into society.?Sexual intercourse is such a powerful act that it is not possible to maintain a strong marriage and commit adultery at the same time.??Adultery, by necessity, does grave damage not only to the souls of those committing it but also to the marriage being offended.?

FORNICATION:?

Not every sexual act outside of marriage is referred to as “adultery” strictly speaking.?When neither person is married, the sin is properly called “fornication.”?Fornication could be a one-time act with someone who is not well known, or it could be a more habitual sin committed between persons who have a regular relationship.?The bottom line is that the sexual act is for marriage.?Sexual intercourse outside of this context is always a grave evil.?

FREE UNION:?

A free union could be considered a subset of fornication.?This would include the persons who have a loving relationship but are not yet married.?They may be thinking of marriage but have not made the permanent commitment.?

In this case, if they enter into sexual relations either once or on a regular basis, they are living a lie.?The sexual act is a way of sealing the marital covenant that has already been made.?It’s not to be used as a sort of “testing ground.”?You cannot test marriage and all that makes up marriage.?When this is attempted, the person is saying two contradictory things.?First, by the act of sexual intercourse one says, “I give myself to you completely and faithfully forever and am open to new life.”?But the lack of a marital commitment says, “I’m not sure I’m totally and permanently committed and am not ready to raise children within this context God designed.”?Therefore, sex even between those who love each other is gravely sinful if outside the marriage covenant.?

Other abuses include, Divorce, Polygamy, contraception, Masturbation, Rape, Homosexuality

Divorce:?The sad reality of divorce must be understood from various points of view.?This is especially necessary so that those who have gone through a divorce can properly sort out what happened so as to bring healing to their lives.?

First, it’s proper to say that divorce is sad.?People do not enter into marriage with the intention of one day getting divorced.?No matter the reasons for a divorce, it most likely is a very painful experience.?

If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay. (Canon 1153 §1)

What does this tell us??It tells us that the Church fully understands that, in some cases, it’s better for spouses to separate.?Separation is certainly different than divorce in that separation acknowledges that the marriage bond still exists.?The intent here is to simply offer the context that, in some cases, it’s better that married couples separate at least for a time.?With that said, sometimes separation leads to civil divorce.?

Regardless of the circumstances and regardless of who is or is not at fault in a divorce, it must be said that divorce itself introduces hurt and disorder into people’s lives as well as into society.?It hurts the spouses, children, extended families and many others.?It’s simply honest to state this fact without placing any blame or guilt.?In fact, one spouse may be completely innocent of any wrongdoing and may have done all that he/she could to make the marriage work.?But it takes two to make it work, so when one or both fail in their responsibilities, it’s important to honestly acknowledge that this is not the ideal and that it is painful.?Of course God can do all things and can even bring hope, healing and blessings out of any painful situation.?Therefore, when divorce does happen, it’s essential to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit and to rely upon the Church for clarity and healing.?

POLYGAMY :?Polygamy is the act of attempting a semblance of marriage between three or more people.?Polygamy is a sin in two ways.?First, it’s a sin against the dignity of marriage in that it undermines the natural design of marriage being between one man and one woman.?Polygamy is also a sexual sin when sexual relations take place.?Marriage is the only proper context for sexual relations, and marriage is only marriage when it takes place between one man and one woman.?An attempt to enter into a different form of marriage is a sin against nature, and when it involves sexual activity it is a sin against the Sixth Commandment.?

CONTRACEPTION :?This is a very real and, for many, a very difficult part of the Sixth Commandment to consider.?Methods of contraception today are very advanced and very prevalent.?Perhaps in part for that reason, the Church teaching on contraception is ignored by many if not by most Catholics.?Therefore, it is important to offer a clear and concise explanation so that this beautiful teaching will be embraced by all.?

By “contraception” we mean the following: Any intentional form of excluding or hindering the possibility of conception from the sexual act of married couples.?

To understand why contraception is a sin, it’s important to reiterate the purpose of sexual intercourse.?Sexual intercourse is an action that God gave to married couples to achieve two things: unity and children.?First, unity takes place through sexual intercourse in that it is one natural way that couples express their love and renew their marriage covenant.?It is a way of renewing their commitment of being a complete gift to the other.?Therefore, intercourse is not just physical, it is also spiritual and emotional in that it solidifies and continues to fortify the marriage bond.?

Secondly, sexual intercourse must always and everywhere be open to the possibility of new life.?This is an essential part of the act of sexual intercourse.?By “essential” we mean that God designed intercourse in such a way that if couples intentionally exclude the natural possibility of begetting children from any act of intercourse, they are sinning against the Sixth Commandment and against nature itself.?This is hard to accept for many, but it’s true.?

With that said, it is abundantly obvious that there are only a limited number of years and only certain times each month when a woman can get pregnant.?Thus, it is also part of the natural design of God that most of the time intercourse takes place, conception will not happen.?

Embracing this natural design of God is good and proper.?In fact, if a couple discerns that it is best to avoid pregnancy at the time, they are encouraged to use methods of Natural Family Planning to scientifically discover when the woman is and is not fertile.?Having sexual relations during the infertile periods and refraining during the fertile periods is permitted and, in some cases, may be best.?

The main problem comes when something is done (contraception) to hinder the natural cycle of a woman or to interrupt the act of sexual intercourse so as to avoid pregnancy.?This is a sin against nature itself and a sin against this Commandment because it intentionally excludes one of the essential parts of sexual intercourse, namely, openness to conception.?Again, when the wife is past childbearing years or is not ovulating, then God Himself has excluded the possibility of conception from that act of intercourse by His natural design.?God is free to do this; we are not morally permitted to render the fertile periods infertile by our own will and actions.?

Some medical/medicinal forms of contraception also add another problem in that they can have the effect of making implantation of the embryo difficult, which is ultimately an early act of abortion.?For this reason, some forms of contraception are worse than others.?

The bottom line is that sexual relations should be embraced and lived in the way God designed it.?It must always and everywhere fulfill the following: 1) be only between spouses; 2) have the intent of unity and the renewal of the marriage covenant; and 3) be open to the natural design of God for the begetting of children without hindering that natural design.?

Natural Family Planning (NFP), as mentioned above, is a legitimate way for spouses to be open to using the natural design of God regarding a woman’s fertility.?But it must also be said that even with NFP, there can be a danger not of contraception but of a “contraceptive mentality.”?A contraceptive mentality is different than contraception in that it does not directly hinder the natural design of God for sexual intercourse.?Instead, this is a mentality in which couples use NFP to an extreme and negligent way by deciding to avoid pregnancy for selfish reasons.?For example, God may actually be saying to spouses, “I want to bless you with another child.”?However, the couple fails to listen to this and, instead, decides that another child is not what they want.?Therefore, they continually use NFP as a way of avoiding pregnancy.?This is not a sin against the sexual act itself since they are using NFP.?Instead, it’s a sin against marriage and the will of God.?This is tricky and requires honest discernment on the part of spouses.?It’s “tricky” in that there are times when God may very well be saying to a couple that it’s His will they use NFP to avoid pregnancy at the time.?This may be for serious emotional, mental, financial or other reasons.?It may be that the couple is simply not ready to care for another child at that time.?This is good to discern and, in this case, it is good to use NFP to avoid pregnancy.?The key is to continually remain open to what God is saying and to continually strive to discern His will for their family.?

Masturbation:?Though masturbation is more common than many would like to admit, it is always a violation of this Commandment.?It’s important to state that up front.?Masturbation is an abuse of the natural sexual desires.?Sex is made for marriage and only marriage.?

With that said, it’s only honest to point out that many struggle with it.?It’s a struggle most likely for two reasons.?First, because the sexual appetite is very powerful.?Second, because masturbation is a very easy way to try to satisfy that powerful desire.?It’s important to point out that masturbation is only a way to “try” to satisfy that desire.?Sure, many find a certain satisfaction in it since it causes many natural endorphins to be released and can cause a certain natural and physical satisfaction.?But it never has the ability of truly satisfying and satiating the natural desires.?Again, sex is made for marriage and only in marriage can it find its fulfillment.?

Pornography:?Pornography is an abuse of sexuality on many levels.?First, it’s what we call an “objectification” of the person being exposed.?Even if that person freely consents to exposing him or herself, it’s still an abuse of their innate beauty and dignity.?In fact, in many ways we can say that what’s wrong with pornography is that it shows too little rather than too much.?In other words, it fails to reveal the true beauty and dignity of a person choosing, instead, to reveal only that which appeals to the carnal and disordered fleshly appetites.?

Pornography is also abusive in that it does grave damage to the one looking at it.?A person who looks at pornography stirs up many passions that are meant for marriage.?In stirring them up in this disordered way, they allow their sexual passions to become even more disordered.?This disordered “toying with” one’s sexuality can become an addiction and can lead one into a habitual practice of trying to satiate these disordered desires.?In fact, modern brain science has shown that an addiction to pornography is similar to an addiction to other drugs in that it releases many of the same chemicals in the brain that drugs do.?

Prostitution:?Prostitution is quite straightforward, and it should be clear why this is a violation of this Commandment.?It gravely violates the sacred dignity of the prostitute and does her/his soul much harm.?

Rape:?Again, it should be obvious why this is a horrible and grave violation of this Commandment and the dignity of the one being abused.?One key to point out is that any sexual act should be done freely and lovingly between spouses.?Rape not only objectifies a person, it also abuses them violently and offends the freedom they have.?Therefore, it’s not only a grave sexual abuse, it’s also an abuse against the free will of the one abused and could be seen as a violation of the Fifth Commandment also: “Thou shall not kill.”?

Homosexual practices:?This is a very sensitive topic in our day and age and, therefore, must be addressed with clarity and compassion.?There are many things to consider with homosexuality and sexual activity between those of the same sex.?Note the distinction between “homosexuality” and “sexual activity between those of the same sex.”?Having homosexual desires and tendencies is not a sin.?Acting in a sexual way with another person of the same sex is a sin.?

We begin with a short reminder that sexual intercourse is naturally designed by God to be used between a man and a woman after they have entered into the covenant of marriage.?Homosexual marriage is contrary to the nature of male and female and contrary to the natural design of God for humanity.?

This is becoming increasingly difficult for some to accept.?Why??Perhaps because there are an increasing number of people who are starting to express the conviction that they are homosexual.?This is a dangerous road to go down because by believing this (that I am homosexual) it causes a person to take their identity in their sexual desires.?This is a very important point to understand.?Sexual desires are most often quite unreliable as a guide to use to define one’s life.?When one says, “I am homosexual,” they often mean that they have a desire to be with someone of the same sex either sexually or simply to fulfill a human need of love and companionship.?This is often also translated into a justification for same-sex sexual activity.?

But what we ought to take our identity in is that we are sons or daughters of God.?Therefore, it’s only proper to say, “I am a man and a son of God,” or “I am a woman and a daughter of God.”?Our identity must be in who we are, not in what our sexual appetites are drawn to.?

Regarding sexual appetites and desires, they are unreliable in that they are easily swayed and confused.?But this brings up the question as to whether or not homosexual desires are natural or learned.?Do they come from “nature” or from “nurture” as the question has often been phrased??This is a question that cannot be answered.?Many will say they are simply born with these desires and, therefore, they should be able to act on them.?This seems to be the growing belief of modern society.?Others will say that homosexual desires come as a result of various social and personal conditions or as a result of various personal choices made in the past.?

In answering this question we must strive to separate out a desire from our personal identity.?Even if a person is born with sexual desires toward the same sex, they are still innately either a male or female and a son or daughter of God.?

When someone discovers a sexual attraction toward the same sex, it’s important to surrender that attraction to the grace of God for self-control and healing.?By analogy, it would be similar to a husband or wife who suddenly “falls in love” with a co-worker.?They could argue that this attraction is so strong that they should be able to act on it because it is just natural and meant to be.?Of course, this is not a perfect comparison, but it does get at the idea that one’s sexual desires cannot be trusted and should not be the guide for life decisions.?

With the above said it’s important to say directly that sexual activity between those of the same sex is naturally and intrinsically disordered and, therefore, always wrong.?Believing this will require that one move beyond what society holds up as acceptable as well as moving beyond what one’s sexual desires are drawn to.?It also is essential that we not enter into a condemning or harsh attitude.?It does no good to point the finger and condemn another.?Those with homosexual desires need to be treated with the utmost personal respect.?Some will conclude that respect means we condone that they act on these desires.?But the truth is that respect for the person means we seek to help them understand the truth of their dignity and the natural design of God in their lives.?The goal must be to embrace the natural plan and design of God and choose that.?If one’s sexual desires are not set on the opposite sex and, thus, they choose not to enter into a male/female marriage, then celibacy and chastity must be the goal surrendering sexual activity as a sacrifice to God.

Fada Santos mario