abstaining to obtaining
Me and some friends just did a 3 day fast. I’ve never gone more than a day without eating and last time I did, I got excruciating headaches, was very fatigued and may have ended early after dramatically believing I had shriveled up into a prune.
This time was different. I didn’t make it all 3 days just on water but I did 2.75 days, which I am proud of. Our purpose in this fast was to be present to a shared struggle that we all wanted to be free from and support each other in the process. This is what I learned doing an extended day fast.
We have a unfair relationship with food
When I think about all the times I’ve said things like, “ I’m starving” or “feel hungry” after having eaten only 2 hours ago, it hit me how much I rely on food. Of course, eating is essential to living but how much we should eat has been drastically skewed. The standard American diet (SAD) is eating consistently, eating high caloric meals and eating large portions. I didn’t realize how much I’ve been putting my trust in overeating until I did this fast. Fasting helped me accept that my current state is good enough, I can rely on my body to provide for me and I don’t have to believe a scarcity mindset that more= better. Peter Attia’s work helped me frame this and start to change.
What we put in our bodies is dependent on how aware we are of the effects of what we put in our bodies
The first bite I just took after not eating for almost 3 days was… overwhelming. I could taste the satiating taste of salt in the bacon, the fluffiness of the eggs, the creaminess of the avocado and the overall thankfulness to be eating again. When there’s no limit or conscious effort of what we put in our bodies, we have no way to gauge how beneficial those inputs are and how they effect our lives. What we eat, what we pay attention to, who we spend time with and what we do all make up who we are, for better or for worse.
After really missing food (and I mean really to the point of whining to my wife who had to encourage me to stay strong), I was acutely aware of the importance of eating nutritious and life giving food. It wasn’t until I cut myself off, was able to remove myself from my relationship and understanding of food that I had time to really acknowledge that: I eat way too large of portions, make excuses for needing to eat sugary deserts and don’t trust my body to tell me what is best for it. It’s easier to justify “feeling good” aka feeling satiated by living by my feelings and impulses instead of truths and responses.
Abstaining in a physical manner is symbolic for abstaining in an internal or intrinsic manner
We live in a society where you can pretty much get what you want, when you want it and how you want it. Think about the last time you actually had to work for something? Like real, committed effort to obtain? Each time I felt the pains of hunger, it made me immediately in tune with myself. Pretty violent, greedy and impulsive thoughts invaded my mind as falsehoods promising alleviation of the pain and void. I realized how much I rely on my creature comforts in life to get by. Key word: get by. It’s like I’ve been putting crappy oil in a Maserati sports car. The engine is messing up, the car won’t run well and ultimately, it’s not valuing the effort needed to put into owning a car that valuable.
I had never considered that putting healthy limits on finances, food, entertainment and even work could give me a freedom to not be bound to “need” so much.
Every great religious monastic tradition teaches us that by with holding from what you think you need, you realize you have what you always needed. Practical vows of chastity, silence, poverty and fasting, eliminate the endless pursuit of empty pleasures and allow us to detox our souls from all the seemingly harmless mindsets and actions that we’ve been conditioned to live by.
When I got angry and frustrated that I couldn’t eat, when I made excuses for getting distracted and avoiding work, when I prided myself in “being a disciplined person” for fasting, it all revealed my shadows. Our ability to face that which we are most scared of and least willing to admit gifts us with a freedom and wholeness that we most desire and least believe.
Moving forward
As you take your next bite, watch that next social media reel or have that next conversation, start to be aware of why you do those things and the value in each. Try setting limits in the belief that you can find infinite worth and Presence, within the confines of boundaries. Decide to try starting with less. Being thankful that what you have is enough and slowly, consciously add as needed instead of as wanted.
spoiler alert: as soon as I took my first bite of food to end the fast, I realized I could’ve keep going with the fast, that what I missed was good but not that great and that whether empty or full, I can be thankful that everything belongs and matters.