ABSOLUTES. The Death of well...Everything!

The Black & White Thinking that Leaves No Room for Anything Else!

(See what I did there? And if you don't see it yet, keep reading!)

I was recently working with a new executive level manager. I find it so interesting that companies make the assumption that an excellent individual contributor automatically translates into an excellent leader. But that's for my next post!

Anyhoo...back to this executive...He was intelligent, had excellent organizational skills, had passion for the company's mission and vision, and truly believed he was a competent leader.

He was in his role for 2 years. Probably 1 year too long. What I noticed almost immediately when working with him was his very black/white, right/wrong thinking. When we work through that lens, we limit ourselves and others working with us, because we are not open to play in the gray.

Now, I'm not judging someone's black/white, right/wrong thinking. There is a reason for it. Through my work, it's often based in fear that began in childhood. It's the belief that if we are wrong we will be perceived as stupid, not capable, or even have a consequence of some kind. It's a childhood coping mechanism that served us at some point, and is now, as an adult, limiting possibilities all around us. Please note, I am not a therapist nor do I play one on TV. I am, however, an expert on energy and what gets in the way of our leadership potential. ?

The gray is where we collaborate. The gray is where we have an open mind to others' ideas. The gray is where we have a growth mindset. The gray is where new solutions arise. The gray opens us up to being curious. The gray promotes creativity. The gray is where the magic happens.

How can we tell if we're stuck in the black and white?? Listen for absolute words...always, never, every, nobody, none, etc. Think about it. How often do we hear some say, 'we ALWAYS do it this way.' Or 'that NEVER works.' Not only is this limiting for the person saying it, it limits those around them. It is dis-empowering and disengaging for the team. If their ideas and/or their questioning of the status quo is met with the wall of absolutes, it causes employees to shut down. In fact, with this particular leader, (I also worked with the team), I watched first-hand how their creativity and willingness to share ideas was stunted. Why bother bringing an idea to the table to continually get shut down. Even their day to day work was impacted. They began over-thinking the easiest email for hopes to not get the immediate, 'no!' This is not a fun, effective or productive work environment. It also limits the organization as a whole. Yet it happens...all too often. This is also where many of our biases live. When we say or think, "all (insert gender/race/religion/ethnicity/age/political affiliation) are (insert adjective here...lazy, a DEIB hire, not qualified, too emotional...)" we are limiting our leadership and communication capabilities, sometimes without even knowing it.? This also happens too often. ?

This black/white thinking can also show up in more subtle ways. For instance, when we believe something is either this or that. It's polarized to one end or the other. All of the possibilities in between can't be accessed. This limits our creativity because we’re not allowing ourselves the opportunity to think differently. This is also where right and wrong gets in our way. If we are so hung up on doing something wrong or making a mistake, it , too,stifles our creativity, innovation, ingenuity and productivity.

My client was ultimately fired. He was not willing to look inward or open to fostering a growth mindset. It was always everyone else's fault. And that's okay. We are all at choice, even when it comes to how we learn and grow. As a coach and trainer, I'm not here to force anyone to do anything. I simply allow people to uncover and understand what's getting in the way of them becoming an inspiring leader. ?

So what does this mean for you? Check in with yourself. Do you notice you are using absolute words? Change it up and see what happens to both you and those around you. Watch how these words even impact the children in your life.

It can also be scary to move from the 'safety' of absolutes to play in the gray. That's where I come in! Whether it's personal or professional, I will support you and/or your team to take a real look at how and why you are communicating, and support you in feeling confident to release the 'absolutes' holding you back. You CAN learn to play in the gray. Let's make magic happen together!

Questions? You know where to find me!!