Absolute Crazy Real Estate Truths

So you mean to tell me that a buyer's agent won't cost me anything out of pocket?!

You told me that you were a serious buyer...47 houses later I'm calling your bluff.

So I showed you 15 houses and now you tell me your twin sister is an agent and you didn't want to bother her until it was was time to do an offer so she could get paid...errr no.

So you are pre-approved for $550,000 but you want to see the $700,000 homes just to compare...either you are stupid or lying to me...either way it's stupid.

Yes I can leave my dinner table at 5:30 pm to show you a home you are not qualified for because you just have to see it!

No, helping you buy your home isn't stressful for me at all...not! I'm a machine remember?

Of course you shouldn't bring your dad to all the showings, who's a professional home builder, and has the final say.

Reduced-but not stupid or desperate.

Quiet Neighbours-across the street.

Going on vacation...and now I get swamped with calls!

Day 2 of vacation: Wondering how those calls are going.

Day 4 of vacation: The calls will be fine

Day 6 of vacation: what calls

Day 8 of vacation: I'm not going back

Home: Going bat ass crazy with all those calls that ended up being bogus!

During an open house and people you just met start telling you all their personal stories in the first minute. Yes, we are therapists.

The moment your eyes open like saucers when the home inspector says "what the heck is that?"

In a competing market and your buyer has lost 2 houses already and decided to try a third...goes in $10,000 under...you realize you've just wasted your time with someone who isn't is a buyer at all...just a guy who won't listen or learn...you quit I hope!

The seller says tell them to give me any offer, I don't care if it's a low ball. Offer comes in and it's a lowball. Your Seller freaks out and you just sit there with that little grin on your face...told ya so!

Yes, your dog can be on your bed in the photo...if you don't want to sell the house!

Door knocking: door opens and it smells like cat pee...you try to be interested in selling it but accidentally forget to leave your card!

So what if my agent head shot is 10 years old...I look good right?

You lower the music so you can see the street address better.

Opening the lock box and the key drops through the deck boards...look back in the lock box and hope for an extra key.

Running down the road after the dog you just let out of the front door by accident!

Showing a tenanted house...walk in they are sitting there-smoking a joint. Clients are pregnant...great...

So your home has 2 illegal basement apartments...of course we can sell it and not tell anyone they are illegal...not!

A call on a listing. The buyer says they are pre-approved...during the showing you find out they just declared bankruptcy 4 months ago but have no other credit issues so it should be fine.

Yes, let's look at the home 6 times and not put in an offer. I love wasting my time and the sellers time.

Walk into a house you are doing an open house on in 15 minutes only to see the sellers left the bathroom a mess...cleaning it with toilet paper!

The passenger seat of my vehicle is not a seat...it's my office. No I'm not moving anything, you can sit in the back.

Being a Real Estate agent means we have all the time in the world...I'm self employed, I don't jump for anyone or anything...NOT! If the phone shows a missed call we get heart palpitations!

Going to the bathroom 3 times while at a restaurant with family to answer calls and texts in private is a normal occurrence.

Trying to tell a FSBO their price is to high is like talking to a wall...

Registering an offer only to find out it's sold firm!

Add your life truths in the comments

and I'll edit this document as we go!