Above All Else

It was last Thursday & it was turning out to be terrific – Some solid early morning core & upper body training, a coaching session that my client really valued, a very good presentation to a potential group coaching sponsor and I was happily getting back home for lunch. My clients were already in the pre-Diwali feel good mood, and that had certainly rubbed off on me (though there was still another work day to go before D Day). It was also a rainy day with somewhat gloomy weather but no reason to feel cold. However, inside my Uber I suddenly felt chilly, and requested the driver to dial down the AC. He assured me it was at the lowest, and that he couldn’t turn off the AC or open the windows since it was pouring. In the next ten minutes on the road that felt more like an hour, I was not just feeling cold, but suddenly very tired. The mind quickly tried to find reasons to make sense of why I was feeling exhaustion in an otherwise energetic and cheerful day! Maybe I didn’t sleep enough, maybe I didn’t eat enough breakfast, maybe I pushed myself too much at training that morning? But I knew the truth was none of that since I had in fact taken good care of sleep, nutrition & activity! Then I told myself maybe I was just hungry and would certainly feel better after some hot food. With that thought, I reached home, walked towards the kitchen, but soon headed to my bedroom to take a quick 20 min nap. As my alarm woke me up, I thought I would be famished, but the only thing I felt was a general sense of heaviness in my joints and no hunger whatsoever. That’s when I wondered - “What’s wrong with me; Am I unwell?”

Within the next half an hour I was feeling really cold and at the same time feeling unusually hot inside. The thermometer casually confirmed – 100.2 deg Celsius. It seemed ridiculous! Where on earth did a fever emerge from? With absolutely no other symptoms and suddenly from nowhere! Alongside the physical discomfort, I was also trying to make sense of things – my day was going great, I was feeling fantastic but now I was feeling sick. I decided to pop in a paracetamol and get some proper sleep and hoped that would fix things. Thankfully I didn’t have any work that was SOS in the second half of the day, so no stress there. While I was glad I slept, it didn’t have much of an effect on my temperature. By then it also seemed clear that this was not a one-off fever, but I was coming down with something bigger!

In the next two days the fever didn’t improve and instead all the other usual symptoms of a viral infection started to show up – severe body pain, cold, cough, headache and total loss of appetite. But I was still hoping that I would somehow bounce back in time for Diwali on Sunday morning. I had quarantined myself in my room as I didn’t want anyone else at home to pick up the bug. But I certainly didn’t want to stay confined in a dark room on the festival of lights and one of my favourite festivals. So I tried to do the mind over body thing, but failed miserably as in all the pain I could hardly think.

Unfortunately, my Diwali eve (which is special as Diwali itself) was completely washed out and spent sleeping; I woke up on Diwali only at 1 PM, when half the day was gone. While the fever was beginning to wane, I felt weaker than I had in the previous few days and suffering the deepest joint pain. So, I did not even make an attempt to get out of bed during Diwali, but memories of last year’s celebrations kept me company. My chest was also pretty congested by then and my breath quite affected. I had to keep all the windows and my bedroom door tightly shut as it was impossible for me to tolerate the fireworks ridden air or the loud noise that gave the sensation of crackers bursting inside my head. I have no clue how I survived the next 24 hours. From really missing celebrating Diwali, my feelings took a U-turn and I could not wait for Diwali (South and North versions both!) to just conclude. It’s amazing how our bodily condition can change our entire perception of joy – A festival of great joy turning out to be something that was causing me great pain. Also a day that I normally would have spent in the love & company (virtual included) of family & friends, I chose to spend in isolation & loneliness. The usual Diwali buzz, the good vibes, the spirit of togetherness, generous wishes exchanged across multiple media – all of it was absent and honestly, all of it absent by choice. I was in no state to tolerate the company (or voice) of another and was quite a struggle to even respond to wishes or messages. Can our bodily condition totally change our response and even the sense of comfort we usually experience on special occasions?

It has taken me almost ten days to somewhat get back on my feet, and ease back into work and my routine (minus my fitness routine that I know will take much longer!). With the body stronger, the mind also feels calmer and stronger to think and reflect on the past few days and about Diwali this year. And therefore this writing containing two big thoughts:

-         Being physically able is the foundation on which we build most of our other abilities and choices. When one is physically “un-able” nothing much else seems possible and even simple tasks become daunting. In such a situation, all our energies are directed towards taking care of the malaise and in making our bodies feel better. In my approach to Wellness, I articulate that there are different dimensions to it apart from just the physical dimension. That Wellness (A state of complete well-being or healthy life based on conscious choice) goes beyond Health which is defined as the “Absence of disease” or “The state of being free from illness or injury”. The idea behind such an articulation is to drive home the point that though a person may be physically well & healthy, there are other dimensions, viz. Emotional, Intellectual, Occupational, Social etc that contribute to a person feeling truly & completely well. But what I have realised through my recent experience is this – physical health is the foundation on which all other dimensions are built upon. If one feels physical pain, it is a highly demanding state – All our energies are indeed focused on recovery. At that time, one cannot think of much else. For example, I am a person for whom work ethic is sacrosanct, doing a good job contributes to my Emotional well-being; and I am not easy on myself if I don’t meet a time commitment. It was definitely not easy for me to cancel coaching calls or other client commitments for an entire week, but focusing on my health – getting adequate rest and not pushing or fighting my body became most important. I had to make a tough choice, but I am glad I did.

-         Also, as much as we can do the right things to take care of our health and lifestyle so that we don’t fall ill, we can’t control it. When one feels perfect, things can take a sudden turn. But when things are indeed going well for us, are we grateful for it and ensure we don’t abuse our system? Abuse is garbed in many simple acts – like stuffing ourselves when we are already full, not giving our body & mind adequate rest/sleep, unnecessarily medicating ourselves, or even staying away from any form of exercise (body conditioning & maintenance) for months together. While abuse seems to be a strong word for such actions we didn’t intentionally do most of the time, the end result is still abuse isn’t it?

Some fundamental questions come up for me –

• When I am indeed in good health, do I recognise it and feel grateful for it?
• Do I appreciate every part of my body for what it is and how it makes a difference my life?
• Consequently, do I treat my body and mind with the love & kindness it deserves?
• Isn’t the best way to express my appreciation & gratitude is to care for myself, and to do so proactively? It is truly a blessing to be a well functioning human unit.

The point is – When health is not alright, nothing seems alright. I had so many plans to celebrate this Diwali, many mini plans! Because my health was suddenly challenged, not even one happened. And all this with no notice at all for me to be prepared. I could not bypass my health and attend to other things or my plans. No plan makes sense, if our health does not cooperate. Good Health is above all else, isn’t it? Alongside, let’s also remind ourselves - Take care of your health and nurture your body in the good times! Because Good Health is worth the effort.

Though this Diwali in general felt lonely, gloomy & painful, it gifted me rich lessons. And I gifted myself a rain check on the Diwali celebrations - when I am totally fit. Happy Diwali!