??The ABCs of Anger

In a world where the pace is as rapid as the heartbeat of technology, emotions often become the untold casualties in our everyday battles. Among these, anger stands out—not just for its intensity but for its potential to either catalyze growth or wreak havoc. This week, let’s delve deep into the "ABCs of Anger," aiming to unravel the complexities of this powerful emotion and transform how we perceive, manage, and harness it in our personal and professional lives.

Anger, often misconstrued as merely a negative force, holds within it the seeds of change, empowerment, and self-awareness. By understanding its Anatomy, exploring its Boundaries, and learning the techniques of its Control, we can embark on a journey of emotional intelligence that promises not just peace of mind but also a profound impact on our interactions and leadership within the workplace. Join me as we explore these facets, offering insights, strategies, and real-life applications to turn anger from a foe to an ally.

The Anatomy of Anger

1. The Cognitive Process

At the core of anger's anatomy are the triggers—events or situations that we have internalized and those that we perceive as unjust and frustrating as we interact with the people around us.?

For example, when we’re rejection averse, if our supervisor says no to an idea we propose, we think that they’re saying no to us; where in reality, they’re only saying no to your idea, not to you.?

These triggers create biases in our mind regarding the intentions others have towards us; which is why the cognitive aspect plays such a crucial role. This is where the seeds of anger are sown, nurtured by memories, personal biases, and our own capacity to regulate our emotions.?

2. Physiological Response: The Body’s Alarm System

Upon recognizing a trigger, the body launches into a cascade of physiological responses, preparing us for a 'fight or flight' reaction. So, you’ll often notice that when you have been triggered - your face goes red, your heart starts beating fast, and suddenly, you seem to lose control of your facial expressions, and in truly destructive situations, even the words that leave your mouth.?

This physiological response is a primal response that can be both protective and, if not managed well, potentially destructive - which is why you often end up regretting many things you end up saying or doing during the heat of the moment.?

Explore your Boundaries & Take Back the Control?

1. Identify your Triggers

There is a lot of power that you can take back in disruptive and frustrating situations, if you just sit down with a notepad and pen, consistently observe yourself over a period of 3 days and start asking yourself 3 very simple questions:

1. What are my triggers?
2. Why am I triggered by this?
3. What can I do to shift my understanding of this trigger?

The reason we perceive anger to be such a helpless emotion is because we often think there’s nothing we can do about it. That most situations are often externally influenced. Communication Intelligence is all about taking back that control and exploring the ways in which you can actually do something about the emotions that plague you.?

Remember,?

Communication Intelligence = Communication Skills + Emotional Intelligence

2. Choose your Battles?

Once you recognize your triggers, you’ll notice that it becomes so much easier to walk away from situations that just don’t do you good. Mind you, walking away is not equal to slamming the door or just ignoring the other person. What good does that do to anybody??

Sometimes, walking away can be in the form of a polite “I understand this hurt you. Can you give me some time so I can process and see how we can do this differently the next time?”?

The best part of taking back and internalizing the control over your own triggers is knowing that a lot of times, difficult situations and conversations are no more just about you - sometimes people are just frustrated themselves and have their own triggers to deal with.?

3. Observe?

Once you find yourself to be at peace with your triggers, you might even find yourself curious enough to sit down and start observing the triggers of the people around you. What puts off your spouse, what irritates your supervisor, what motivates your team?

This would be the moment you’d truly be able to exercise a portion of your Communication Intelligence because you would be able to push beyond your own emotions, frustrations, and biases; and focus on what’s going on in the world around you. After all, it is Observation that creates leaders, winners, and intelligent communicators. But more on that another day, yeah?

Anger is perceived as a very negative emotion. So, if there is one thing I’d hope you take from here today, it is this - Anger is actually a very powerful emotion. It really depends on how you choose to exercise that power? Do you choose to channel it or waste it?

What do you think? Share with me in the comments below!?

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