The ABC's and 123's of Connecting

As we prepare to send kids back to school and reengage in formal learning, I thought it only appropriate to focus this article on the fundamentals of building connection.

Mr. Warda, my grade 9 geography teacher may not have been my favorite, but there is one thing I will always remember from his class.

 “Repetition is the key to learning.”

I can still hear his rhythmical voice saying, “Repetition is the key to learning,” over and over again. I found it amusing then and didn’t even pay much attention. 

Now, that simple six words phrase is forever stuck in my head. I also have to admit – I believe the underlying truth in his statement.

So why this short story? Because there is an important practice here that can help support our goals of connecting.

It’s that connectors do the difficult work of keeping it simple!

I always envisioned teaching my kids important lessons about life and having them take to heart the things I wish someone taught me. However, at first I struggled to connect. Trying to ‘teach’ my kids wasn’t anything like I expected.

As I refined my ability to communicate, this practice of keeping it simple did wonders. Here are the ABC’s and 123’s from my learning along with John Maxwell’s guidance for ways to keep it simple. Regardless of circumstances, they can help you connect with the people that matter most.

A - AWARENESS: Recognize the knowledge, maturity, or awareness of your wife/kids on any topic, and try to make your message at their level

I often struggled to apply this rule. I think it was because I was so focused on my message and what I wanted to get across. It also takes a lot of work to communicate on someone else’s level. As I shifted my mindset to focus more on others, and figured out what words, tone of voice, or phrases engaged my family better, I saw immediate progress. 

B - BE BRIEF: Quickly make your points / don’t lose them with long winded explanations or over complicated details

Another one of my challenges was taking too long to get to my point. The attention spans in my house are short, so I had to shorten things. It also bothered me that when I did get their attention I couldn’t keep it for long. I experimented and found that stories, funny voices, or silly faces were great for the younger kids. Compassion and empathy were most important for my spouse.

C - CONSISTENCY: Repeat simple messages over and over and over again

Mr. Warda would be thrilled. This is exactly what he did and something I’ve used a lot as my kids grew. John Maxwell is a master at this – if you’ve read any of this books you’d see this practice in full effect. Examples of short, simple messages we’ve created for our family include:

• Keep trying. Do your best. Forget the rest.
• Be quick, but don’t rush.
• How many hugs do you need a day? (Answer is 12, and if my kids don’t get it right they get tickled. It’s become a constant game/fun way to engage anytime)

1.      Check for understanding to make sure your message was clear/understood.

Disagreements always happened in our house because of misunderstood messages. The simple practice of checking for understanding alleviated 90% of them!

2.      When possible – choose to say less, or nothing at all.  

As a coach, the power of silence and giving a person space (emotional and psychological) for his or her own thoughts and feelings is a powerful practice. I learned to apply it at home to see the same results.

3.      If ever in doubt, follow John’s “3 S” strategy:

• Keep it Simple.
• Say it Slowly.
• Have a Smile.

I’ve learned that it’s really difficult work to make things simple yet understandable, but have seen the powerful results when I do. Mr. Warda’s example is proof the ABC’s and 123’s will help you connect more in your most important relationships.

Remember dad, you were made for this. 

Do you wonder about the health of your family relationships? Take the “How Connected Are You?” assessment. In less then 2 minutes you can get immediate feedback on your most important relationships

About Drew Soleyn & Connected Dads

I’m the Founder of Connected Dads, Director of Dad Central Ontario, and a Career Coach at the Queen's Smith School of Business. As an ICF certified coach and John Maxwell Team Coach, Trainer & Speaker, I help struggling dads show up at their best for the people who matter most.

I created Connected Dads because I believe the actions dads take in their family will shape the future. Because involved and healthy dads create healthier and happier kids, the major challenges society faces can be eliminated with involved, responsible and devoted dads.

The problem is many dads are burned out and not available (or choose not) to invest in their kids. They also have nowhere to turn for support. The results are a continued cycle of 'fatherless' kids in our society.

But I also know what it feels like to be stretched thin all the time. That’s why Connected Dads exists: to bring dads together and build leadership capacity, productivity, and resilience in the face of unrelenting pressures. Ultimately, our system helps men win at home and in the rest of their lives, while tackling the larger societal challenge of fatherlessness.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Book a coaching call, sign up for an accelerator group or join our free private Facebook group

Step 2: Connect with other dads on the journey, build resilience and transform your leadership capacity

Step 3: Show up at your best for the people who matter most

Our coaching, small group program and community strengthens and supports dads on the journey. Based on the proven methodology of John C. Maxwell (#1 New York Times bestselling author, named most influential leadership expert in the world by Business Insider and Inc. Magazine) our process immediately gives dads the tools and systems to thrive. Inside you’ll find a community that encourages, supports, and challenges you to become the dad you wished you had.

Every day, I see dads trade pain for purpose. Join us today so you can stop struggling and start connecting.

• Book a free 30 minute coaching call by visiting the Connected Dads website.
• Join the Connected Dads community on Facebook.
• Follow Connected Dads on Instagram.