AAPI Professionals: The Cost of Fitting In

Growing up, I wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to call attention to the fact that I looked different from many of my classmates or friends. So I didn’t talk about my grandmother who didn’t speak English. I didn’t share about our church where services were delivered in English and in Japanese. I couldn’t change my last name, Nishiura, which caused every new teacher to pause after “Lori” and wait for me to pipe in with the correct pronunciation of my family name, yet I wished I could.

I have since discovered that fitting in has its costs. Importantly, fitting in devalues our authentic and full selves; it says that only part of who we are is welcome. It also takes energy to remember not to share about something that may evoke a sense of otherness or exclusion. It can take time and money to groom oneself to be appropriately "professional." Yet having done so for so long, it can be difficult to distinguish what is going on. It can be difficult to discern whether you are being authentic or constrained.

In honor of Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month, I am writing a series of four articles. My first article aimed to name the “problem” of AAPI inequality. Now I turn to the costs of fitting in.

Covering at work

Professor Kenji Yoshino’s book “Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights” offers a framework called covering, which helps answer the question: Why can’t I be my authentic self at work?

We learn to cover, or to downplay differences in our identities. We learn that if we present certain aspects of our identity, we gain disfavor, even if nothing is ever said. Covering is not denying our identity; it is trying to fit in because our full selves are not truly welcome.

In order to create change, we must first learn to "see" covering. I find these “axes” of covering, developed by Yoshino, helpful to seeing these covering demands:

• Appearance: Altering our self-presentation such as grooming, attire and mannerisms to fit into the mainstream. As an example, an AAPI colleague shared that he speaks as clearly as possible and uses colloquialisms to ensure folks know he is a fluent English speaker.
• Affiliation: Avoiding behaviors associated with one’s identity that may evoke negative stereotypes, such as not using chopsticks when eating lunch in corporate spaces.
• Advocacy: Not speaking up for the group, such as debunking a “Chinese flu” criticism.
• Association: Avoiding contact with others, including not joining an AAPI group or hiring another AAPI member on your team.?

So covering includes the subtle ways we cannot be our full selves in our public spaces without risk to our reputation, respect or belonging. Covering has organizational costs as this large-scale study of covering demonstrates: ~50% of respondents said covering demands affect their sense of opportunity and commitment to stay. And for individuals, covering can affect their sense of self.

Uncovering authenticity

Just as we have learned to cover, we can also learn to recognize the demand to cover and so that we can choose our pathway forward.

To start on this journey to greater authenticity, get familiar with indicators that a covering demand is present. I often notice the “pinch," or the sensation that causes me to hesitate and stop a behavior or comment. It happens in my chest; I experience a twinge. This happens for example, when I head toward a seat in a meeting, notice that an open seat is next to the only other person who from the AAPI community, and I decide not to sit there.?

The pinch is a useful tool to start to “see” when we sense our membership in the AAPI community is something others may disapprove of. It turns out, 68% of all people surveyed have covered at work. That is a big blow to organizations' commitment to creating a culture of belonging.

Strategies for fostering authenticity

In order to shift the dynamic of covering, here are two strategies to try.?

1. Tell your story. Share your story in order to expand the narrative of “who” is at work. I told my story in 2017, sharing for the first time in a public forum my experiences with racism as a small child. Many folks were surprised, assuming I grew up in a fully accepting environment. Thus, by sharing my story, I enrich and make more complex the story of who I am and what it’s like for members of the AAPI community.
2. Be curious about other’s stories. Be curious about how others are experiencing work. Just as sharing your story enriches the fabric of work, so will your colleague’s. Move beyond the surface and find out who folks are.

I have used these strategies to uncover my authenticity at work, and hopefully, created space for others to do the same. And I've learned to publicly and proudly own my AAPI heritage at work; from including "Nishiura" in my email signature, to joining the Asian Staff Forum. This is indeed, a journey I want to continue.

By recognizing the demand to cover, and then fostering authenticity, together we can create a world where we all can bring our full and unedited selves to work.