A.A - A story of Faith

The following is a collection of my thoughts and feelings that I went through over the last month. My brother Wali Ahmad encouraged me to share this with the hope that anyone else going through their own version of their battle in life might find some hope or inspiration.

In life we learn many lessons, some through our own doing, some through others and some as a result of circumstance and fate. Recently, I probably went through one of the toughest phase of my life, something I didn’t see coming and something I definitely was not ready for, so I thought at least. This is my take on life and faith summed up in the period of 48 hours!

I have been a man of strong faith and belief in the All mighty – Allah! , a change in recent times, a few years.

For when I changed my ways, and let go of everything that was commanded to be forbidden or to be avoided, Allah came to me as AR-RAHEEM (The merciful), he showed mercy towards me even though I was ungrateful and willfully ignorant of what was right and wrong in the light of the Quran. He turned me towards his teaching he came to be as AL-MU’MIN (the infuser of faith), he strengthened me in my resolve to let go of what is wrong, regardless of what cost needed to be paid for it – friends, family, money, social status and even isolation in some instances in those phases he came to me as AR-RASHEED (the teacher), AR-RAQEEB (the watchful).

Fast forward to 7 months ago, we were blessed with the news that a new member will be joining our family soon, we were to become parents. In that moment Allah to me was AL-BARR (the source of all goodness), he was to me AL-KHAALIQ (the creator). We were very happy and over the moon with joy of the news, however we planned and Allah had plans, and he is the best of planners and the final decision is his.

On the 12th of August, 2020 things unfolded as we did not see coming and Mariam was taken into emergency surgery and a premature baby was born to us. I was very scared but Allah to me in those moments was AL-KABEER (he Preserver, The All-Heedful and All-Protecting), in that instance of panic he was to me AS-SALAM (the embodiment of peace), in him I believed that he is AL-WALIYY (the protecting associate), our girl, Aleyah Ahmed was given a 5% chance of survival by the doctors but my faith didn’t allow me believe in for a min that any human can control life – that is in the hands of Allah – AL-MUHYI (the giver of life) , AL-MUMEET ( the inflictor of death), Only Allah has command over life and death and everything in between, he is MAALIK-UL-MULK (Master of the Kingdom, Owner of the Dominion). During that day I prayed to Allah for strength to accept whatever he wills and he was to me AL-MUJEEB (the responsive one) I felt strength in faith and self from a source that can only be granted by Allah – he is the AL-WADUD (the most loving).

Every min that passed and every hour that went by I felt strength upon strength being passed on to me, Allah was to me in those moments AR-RAQEEB (the watchful), and he was to me AL-WAALI (the patron).

As Allah willed, Aleyah returned to our creator on the eve of the 14th of August, 2020 – and as I saw her vitals drop slowly off the monitor I felt a grip across my lower back, like a protector or a friend had held me on and in my heart the grief was overtaken with praise of Allah – he was in that moment to me AR-RASHEED (the teacher), AL-HAADI (The guide), AR-RAQEEB (the watchful).

Till this day I fail to understand how I was able to do all that I did during those 48 hours – I buried my daughter with the resounding peace that she got to hear the Azaan, She came into the world as a Muslim and left as a Muslim. My peace comes in the fact that to me Allah is in charge of everything and that he is the lord of the heavens and the earth – no incident good or bad, happy or sad is without reason they are all a test of faith and belief in him, and in all his names I have found truth and an unbreakable promise, only if we are to have faith and patience in him.