A2Z of Turning 40

I turned 40 last Sunday. 

Not by design, but the past month or so has been quite a reflective period for me. I think it is a mere coincidence that a few other aspects of life have culminated around this birthday: 1. Australia is beginning to feel like home after 5+ years here, 2. the kids (six and four) are gradually becoming less dependent on us, 3. I have just finished a high impact initiative at work that had become all consuming for the past year, 4. the pandemic has forced an evaluation of life's priorities, and 5. it's that time of the year in any case. 

So, in accordance with how we do things in the 21st century I am sharing my reflections from the past month, which mostly are learnings / realisations of the last decade or so. And, to keep it interesting (mostly for myself), I have written them from A2Z. 

Aloe Vera is a “wonder” plant. For most of my 30s my face was the definition of juxtaposition, with increasingly greying hair and acne that would vary in severity depending on the season. Until I discovered aloe vera gel! This isn’t as universally applicable an advice as Mary Schmich’s “wear sunscreen” from 1997 made popular by Baz Luhrmann, but it is likely to be as effective for some of us.

Beginning with the end in mind works every time, and in all contexts. Thank you Steven Covey! It is worth the effort at the start of anything new (big or small, personal or at work) to spend time on establishing with the people who will be impacted - what good would look like / how would success be measured / what would make us happy at the end of the endeavour. 

Bonus - Buying something new only to replace something you have is a great starting point to de-clutter your life. 

Clean car can go a long way in lifting your spirit, even if it stays clean for only the next 24 hours.  

Developing a reliable baby-sitting option is smart. Never say no to friends or family who offer to baby-sit for you, and make it a point to proactively offer to baby-sit others’ kids. 

Electric shavers are a worthy addition to your life. I have been a lazy shaver throughout my life (the acne on the face had something to do with it too), but the ease and un-messiness of an electric shaver has converted me into a daily (almost) shaver. I have also learnt over the years, obviously the hard way, that if in doubt - shave.

Bonus - Email notifications should stay turned off, always, and not just during your holidays.  

Facebook should be the last place to get news from. 

George Clooney’s biggest contribution to the world is making greying less bothersome than balding. The increasing mix of salt with pepper on my head has not phased me at all (my wife might also need to get some credit for that), but the prospect of losing my hair is unnerving. 

Huntsman spiders move faster than you can comprehend. But, the only reason to box them and get them out of your house is if they reach your kids’ room (as I did on 1st January 2020). 

Insecurities of people around you, about your loyalty to them, need to be consciously managed, whether they be your siblings, partner, parents, co-workers or even bosses. Ignoring them, considering them as “not my problem” can become pitfalls and in some situations create tremendous emotional strain. 

Judging others’ parenting is foolhardy, as the shoe could be on the other foot in an instant. Parenting is hard in the best of circumstances. Neither of us are, nor should we strive to be, perfect parents. Being kind to each other is the right thing to do. 

Keeping it short (and simple) works every time, but requires a lot of effort. Being able to explain an idea on a single page, or in less than two minutes, prepares you for any scrutiny. As legendary investor Peter Lynch says “never invest in an idea you can’t illustrate with a crayon.”

Living in close proximity helps you build new friendships in your 30s, along with being in a similar stage in life. It is very hard to invest the required time in a new relationship if you have to commute long distances when there is so much to do with young kids in the evenings and over the weekends. 

MBA mark sheets are useless. Not a single person has inquired about my academic performance, not even my first employer after the program. The most valuable aspect of my time in Shanghai was the experience of living in China, and the myriad experiences travelling, engaging, collaborating with some amazing people from around the world. 

Networks are built on genuine relationships, which are created through meaningful common experiences - working, travelling, studying and playing together. And like all relationships, you need to give without expecting anything in return. 

Old clothes available on various online marketplaces are safe to use, offer great value, and are a practical alternative, beyond being extremely climate responsible. We have bought >70% of clothes for our children over the last two years second hand and wish we had exercised that option earlier. 

Purpose can be discovered through action, if you are not one of the lucky ones born with that knowledge. Contemplation is essential, but by itself did not bear the targeted fruit in my case. 

Quirks of a person should never be used as an excuse to not engage with them. All of us are quirky in our own little ways, we just don’t see them in that light. 

“Reading” audio books works!!! I was quite a sceptic till about a year or so ago. But, for me it works for only a certain length of books (about 10 hours) and when interspersed with traditional ‘book-in-the-hand’ reading. And, at least at 1.5x speed. 

Sponsors are critical to accelerating your growth in a large corporate organisation. Beyond your own hard work, impact and attitude, senior executive sponsors play a crucial role in opening doors and unlocking high-impact career-accelerating opportunities. A good old friend and thought leader Rohit Sathe has captured this well in this piece from 2017.  

Bonus - Shampooing a three-year old is the best way to test the acoustics of your house (and the patience of your neighbours). 

Team members’ (people you lead and your peers) views of you, your contribution and your leadership should be cared for more than the views of your bosses. In the long run you can create much bigger personal and professional impact that way, and the day-to-day is more fun. 

Unwanted sand constitutes 60% of what your kids will bring back home from daycare; most of the rest will be random art. 

Value investing opportunities are difficult to find now, as a non-professional investor, when so much information is so easily available to so many and the little time you can spend on research and analysis while keeping a day job.

Washing clothes in cold water is just as effective, and does a whole lot of other good for the environment. 

X-factor in business is the ability to get things done, along side comfort with numbers and an understanding of your strengths (and in some instances your weaknesses). The ability to bring an idea to life is a differentiator.  

Your role as a parent is to model the behaviour and values that you believe in, and letting your kids find their way. If you can afford it, sending them in the care of professionals from an early stage will accelerate their all round development. And, if you have an option, choose a facility that has an outdoor playing area, but NOT a sand pit. 

Zero guilt should be felt from indulging in things that you need for your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being no matter how dire the needs of another loved one are. You can care for others only if you take care of yourself.

If you have made it this far, thank you! I am impressed, and grateful. I am conscious that there is likely an inverse relationship between relevance and interest here. In my mind, the above is more relevant for the “younger lot”, but it is likely to generate greater interest among the 40+s. 

If you feel up to it, I would love to hear what resonated the most with you.