A-Gay-Ny Aunt #9

A-Gay-Ny Aunt #9

A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

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I'm A Senior Leader In A High Profile Organisation. How Do I Tell My Colleagues I Am Bisexual?

Hi A-Gay-Ny Aunt,  I am a married man with grown up kids. Our marriage has been rocky for a few years and we have, after many long hours talking it through, decided to go our separate ways.  We are both at peace with this decision now and ready to make the move publicly.   I am a senior leader in a high profile organisation. Everyone has met my wife, at awards ceremonies and such.  The thing is, I am bisexual. My wife has known from when we first met so no issues there.  I am worried about telling my colleagues that my wife and I are separating AND that I am bisexual. No one knows this about me at work.  Recently I have been having feelings for men so I know I can't hide this any longer.  How do I navigate this situation?

Hello there,

I can imagine those conversations with your wife behind closed doors, after a long day in the office, were very challenging. Hats off to you and your wife for going the distance, putting in the time and effort to talk things through and come out of the other side. Yes, you are going your separate ways but doing so with peace in your heart is rare.

Now, let's address your work issue.

You have two things going through your mind.

  1. The announcement of your separation from your wife.
  2. The revelation of your sexuality.

Here's what I suggest.

Start by telling those closest to you. Those that you trust, that interact with you on a daily basis and that know your wife personally. Take your time and do it when it feels right for you. There is no pressure or time limit! You may want to tell people individually, or in small groups; whatever feels most comfortable to you.

When you are talking to people about it, be careful not to link your separation with your sexuality. Make sure you are clear that you are separating BUT not because of your sexuality.

Think of it like this: deliver the message about your separation. Talk about it. Then. "Oh, and by the way, I thought you should know this."

For example, you might say "my wife and I have decided we are going to go our separate ways." Talk about that and what that means for you personally and professionally - if you need support, ask for it at this point.

Then you might say "Talking about relationships, I haven't talked about my sexuality openly at work. I am bisexual. My wife has known for years. It feels appropriate right now to let you know that."

You might want to, at this point, talk about why it hasn't come up at work before. People assume when you are in a mixed-sex couple, that you are heterosexual. It is easy to hide behind that. However, it does have implications and there are many misconceptions about being bi+. Even in the LGBT+ community, you may feel like you don't 'belong', with biphobia being rife within the LGBT+ community. It can be difficult to go to LGBT+ events and venues as an outwardly facing 'straight' couple. This might be an opportunity to educate your colleagues and bust a few of those myths!

Once you have told those closest to you, consider if there is anyone else that needs to know. If not, you might reveal this to people as and when it comes up in conversation - rather than making an announcement.

And don't forget, you can drop hints into conversations about your sexuality - without you actually needing to explicitly tell people. Or show up at an awards ceremony with a male friend/partner.

I know the coming few weeks and months will be tough as you transition into your new life. But remember, when one door closes, another opens. Look at this next chapter of your life as being the one where you can be your Authentic and true Self at work.

Hope that helps,

Gina x

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

Media Enquiries | Authentic Self Process | 5 Pillars of Psychological Safety

David Boyer

Climate Change and Development Practitioner: Washington DC, Newfane, Vermont, Geneva, Switzerland

4 年

Why bother? do they explain why they are divorcing from thier heterosexual relationships? Is not a work matter, fire walls between work and home are good things, work is not your family, they will leave you in a heart beat to benefit the organization

Katrina Gilbank

EHS Director Actus Nutrition | HSE Legal Compliance, ISO Auditing, Program Development

4 年

"People assume when you are in a mixed-sex couple, that you are heterosexual.....Even in the LGBT+ community, you may feel like you don't 'belong', with biphobia being rife?within?the LGBT+ community." ?? ?? ??

Michael Dwojewski

Roustabout- Banksman & Slinger - Experienced

4 年

This is private info who you are. I dont mind...

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