A-Gay-Ny Aunt #36

Welcome to this week's edition of A-Gay-Ny Aunt.

I was asked:

What is the best strategy to address anxiety of lone women at night?

Hello there,

It is a great question and one I have been asked quite a bit recently.

Firstly, thank you for asking. It means a lot that you are thinking about this and wanting to support us (women).

I can't give you a definitive, this is what you should do. Every woman is different in terms of the support they want and behaviours that make them feel safer, and this is based on their personal experiences.

Some women will want you to cross the road, whereas others will want you to quickly overtake (keeping lots of distance), maybe with a polite "excuse me, can I get past you?" or with a noise to alert her to your presence.

Intersectionality plays a part here too. The experiences of women from different backgrounds, cultures and upbringing will be varying - white women, trans women, queer women, straight women, black women, Asian women, Latinx women - etc.

Here is my advice.

1. Be curious, and have a conversation with the women in your life.

Discuss safety with your female friends and family. Ask what their concerns are, places they feel less safe and what they would appreciate you to do if you were a stranger walking near them. Ask how you can best support them.

Would they appreciate the offer to accompany them when they are walking at night? If so, offer!

2. Make yourself really visible when you are out at night. Don't wear dark clothes, with your hood up - for instance. Let your face be seen. Smile and act naturally. 

3. You being ahead (instead of behind) feels safer to most women. That includes when you are getting off public transport, leaving buildings etc. Yes, it is lovely when someone holds the door, but then you are behind and we can't see you.

4. Don't invade our body space. Absolutely no touching when you are trying to get past in a crowded space or on public transport. Keep your hands to yourself.

5. Be an ally, role model and mentor to other men. Talk to your male friends about what they can do to help the women in their lives feel safe. Show them how to listen to women and how to support women. 

Be an active bystander and call out the men in your life that you see displaying worrying behaviours; such as sexist jokes, catcalling and harassment. A simple "Hey, come on. Don't do that. It isn't appropriate" may be all the situation needs.

6. Lastly, in conversation take responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth. Check yourself; language matters.

Hope that helps,

Gina

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A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

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