A-Gay-Ny Aunt #34

Welcome to this week's edition of A-Gay-Ny Aunt.

I was asked:

I'm returning to the office 3 days a week and working from home the other 2 days. What can I do to stay safe in this new hybrid model of working?

Hello there,

Great question! More and more of us are going to be moving to this hybrid way of working and, like you say, it is really important to consider your safety - both online and when you are in the office.

I have previously written about how to stay safe online. Rather than go over it again, here is the link: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/a-gay-ny-aunt-22b-gina-battye-she-her-

Let's look in more detail here at how you can cultivate psychological safety in an office environment, using the 5 Pillars of Psychological Safety as a framework.

Self

I always recommend you start with some inner work. Because, your psychological safety starts with you. 

It is vital to raise your awareness of:

• What triggers you and knocks you off your A-game
• The unconscious biases you have. You might want to take a look at (and complete) this: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/
• Your privileges
• Your fears

How do you raise your awareness?

Here is a KEY strategy that will help you to raise your awareness of what is going on within you.

Observe Your Thoughts

98% of the thoughts you think today are the same that you had yesterday. And the day before. And the month before. And the year before. And the 10 years before that.

You have 2 choices in any moment.

1. You can hook into a thought that you have, becoming a participant in the story.

2. You can OBSERVE the thought.

Begin to notice how your mind works. Sit in silence for 5 minutes (with no distractions) and let your mind wander. What thoughts come up?

Did you hook into any of those thoughts? For example, ‘it is cold in here. Hmmm, I wonder why it is so cold? It isn’t THAT cold outside. Maybe I need to put the heating/fire on. I can’t be bothered to get up and put it on. I have to sit here for another 4 minutes. Maybe then I will put the heating on.’

OR did you observe your thoughts? For example, ‘it is cold in here. That is a thought.’ Rest in the silence some more. ‘I wonder what I can have for dinner? That is a thought.’ Rest in the silence some more. You get the idea? There was no hooking into the story, no delving deeper into the thought. Observing it and letting it go. Resting back into the silence.

Become aware of what choice you make in the moment and how you interact with your thoughts.

Here are the common areas that trigger people to hook into a thought and participate in the story:

• Reliving the past
• The expectations you have of yourself and beating yourself up for not living up to those
• Old messages and programs from your childhood
• How you feel about yourself
• What other people expect of you
• Projecting into the future: What if this happens…

Do any of those trigger you?

Practice good mind management. Observing not participating.

When you observe your thoughts, you raise your self-awareness.

Here are a couple of other things to consider related to SELF.

• Listen to the language you use, with yourself and other people. Is it supportive, nurturing and empowering?
• How do you present yourself to your colleagues? How do you think you come across to your colleagues? Are you hiding or censoring any part of who you are? Is this how you WANT to come across to your colleagues?
• I mentioned it in the 'Staying Safe Online' article, but it is worth repeating here. Take responsibility for yourself. This means being honest about your abilities, skill levels and knowledge, and if you make a mistake, own it. You HAVE to take responsibility for yourself. No one else will. Don’t blame someone else when things aren’t working out for you. Don’t fall into victim mode. Stand up and take full responsibility for what you experience in your life. Ask yourself, 'Where do I NOT take full responsibility for myself and my actions/words?'
• Bringing your whole self to work. Consider where you censor your words, mannerisms, behaviours and/or actions. In what situations and with which people do you censor yourself, and why? Where in your life are you showing up wearing a mask? What are the triggers for you to hide behind that mask?

Social

Consider the following areas.

• What expectations do you have of other people? Have you communicated these?
• Be mindful of other peoples privileges and unconscious biases. They will play a big part in how they interact with you, how they behave and the words they use.
• Remember that not everyone has the same energy or preferences to you. When your energy interacts with someone else's, it may clash. When that happens you might be triggered (and as a result your thoughts might go off into a spin - at which point you stop really listening to the other person whilst your mind goes wild hooking into that thing that just triggered you). The other person may be triggered (and they may stop hearing you) or you might both be triggered. When the other person is triggered - they will likely respond differently to how you would respond. Be aware of this. 

Here is a strategy you can use in the moment when you are triggered. 

Think Back Into Your Heels

When you are in an interaction with someone, you tend to lean into the conversation. Your weight is more towards the front of your foot. That is also true when you are seated. Your chest leans forward and you lean in to the other person.

Become aware of YOUR HEELS.

When you are in an interaction with someone, think back into your heels!

Here's what thinking into your heels does.

1. You will notice a shift in the weight in your feet – back into your heels (or your sitting bones, if you are seated). Thinking into your heels will subtly push your weight back into your heels, instead of the balls of the feet.
2. As a result, you will straighten your posture and your lungs will open more which will allow you to breathe more easily.
3. It will draw your energy field back further from the person, give you a little more space and you will notice you won’t feel the need to jump in to the conversation.
4. You will feel calm and open to listen.

All from one tweak: thinking back into your heels.

Collaboration

• Create a safe space for collaboration. Have you set the ground rules for how you work, how you will communicate and discussed a conflict resolution plan? 
• Discuss how to run your meetings effectively - so you get the most out of them.
• Understand your working style and your team mates. Everyone has different preferences in the workplace - some people are introverted and some are extroverted. Some are more social while others are more reflective and need space to process. Discuss your preferences and preferred working styles. Being aware of this as a team is fundamental to effective collaboration.
• Clarify expectations - the ones you have of others and the ones others have of you, the work and the processes.
• Extend kindness to all and be willing to help others.
• Speak your truth. Consider where you do not speak up and out. What situations will you not express yourself fully in? Why? What are you afraid of?
• Be aware of the 4 levels of communication.

The 4 Levels of Communication

There are 4 levels when it comes to communicating in collaborative spaces. 

1. Deep listening: someone will feel comfortable to listen.

2. Express yourself: someone will feel comfortable enough to speak in front of the group. Usually the bare minimum is contributed.

3. Meaningful contribution to discussion: someone will feel comfortable to contribute to the discussion and will add value to the conversation.

4. Contribute ideas: someone will feel comfortable to share their ideas with the group. This involves trusting other people; knowing it is a psychologically safe space and their ideas will be welcomed.

Curiosity

• Don't be afraid to have personal conversations with colleagues. Talk about how you feel.
• Establish a reflective practice model. 
• Learn from others.
• Share feedback with your team.
• Understand how others like to be rewarded for their efforts. 

Creativity

• Invite input from everyone.
• Set up meetings specifically to share ideas - don't worry if the ideas are half formed!
• Let people build on ideas already on the table - tap into collective intelligence from the group.
• Give permission to challenge the status quo - set up ground rules for this. Just because it has always been done in this way, doesn't mean it is fit for purpose now...

Keep in mind the 5 Pillars of Psychological Safety when you are cultivating safety online AND in the office: self, social, collaboration, curiosity and creativity. They are the building blocks for an inclusive working environment.

Hope that helps,

Gina

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Have your questions answered in A-Gay-Ny Aunt

A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

To have your questions answered anonymously in A-Gay-Ny Aunt, please DM Gina or send an email to [email protected]

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

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