A-Gay-Ny Aunt #29

Welcome to this week's edition of A-Gay-Ny Aunt.

I was asked:

My wife and I are not communicating well and there is a heavy energy in the house. What can we do to clear this heaviness and to bring in some nicer energy - to the house and to us?

Hello there,

We are moving from winter into spring (yay!!). What you describe is that interim period where winters heavier energy is slowly moving out, and springs fresh, lighter energy is moving in.

There are a few things I recommend to get winter energy moving on, and to clear the space for spring energy - both in your home and in your relationship.

Environment

Open all your windows to let the air circulate.

A full on spring clean. I am talking about clearing out all the clutter and things that have been lying around for a while that don't need to be. Take one room at a time and blitz it. If you have anything that no longer brings you joy, pop it in to a charity bag. Charity shops will be opening soon so now is a good time to do this. Clean the cupboards, skirting boards, walls, hoover those cobwebs away from around your light fittings, pictures and from the corners of your rooms. Go for a full deep clean and cleanse of every room. This alone will feel AMAZING in terms of clearing the energy.

Last step. Break up any stagnant, stubborn energy. There are a few ways to do this. 1. Use incense. Light the end, let it burn for around 10-15 seconds then blow out the flame. Gently waft the smoke into every corner of all your rooms. Hover it over where you sit, over your workspace etc. I walk around the whole house, moving it from the floor, all the way up to the highest I can reach. 2. Use a sage smudge stick. Same process as (1). 3. Use sound. I use a singing bowl. Alternatively, you can use a drum, recorded music, your voice, clapping. Same process as (1). 4. Dissolve sea salt in a spray bottle, filled with water. Mist every room. Make sure you have your windows open for 1-4 so the air can move out and clear.

Introduce some greenery to your home. If you are worried about keeping them alive, go for succulents! Here is a good book on the subject: How Not to Kill Your Houseplant: Survival Tips for the Horticulturally Challenged

Self

Get the energy flowing inside your body. This requires movement, as often as you can. When you sit at a desk all day, your energy becomes stuck - especially around your chest and hip area. Anything from exercise, to moving around the house a little more during the day will do the trick. If you do have stuck energy around your chest or hip area, 10 minutes of yoga or a few gentle stretches at the end of a day can make all the difference. 

Are you communicating your needs to your wife? And is she communicating her needs to you? If not, make space to talk about what you both need. Maybe you or your wife have expectations of the other and haven't actually communicated them. 

Your Relationship

Do you need to 'clear the air'? Is there something that is being left unspoken between you? Schedule in some time, either on an evening after work or during the weekend to have a really good talk. No phones, no interruptions, just the two of you. If you are not a fan of 'sit down' talks, do something practical whilst you are talking instead - go for a walk or cook together, for example.

Talk more during the day. About the little things. Get that communication channel open again.

Plan your evenings, date night and weekends. You can get so much joy from the planning! 

If you feel your evening routine is stagnant, shake it up a bit. Do something different; go for a walk/cycle ride/run/yoga video or class online, try out a new recipe together, engage in a home/hobby based project together, sign up to webinars or podcasts on shared interests, research holiday destinations or trips you would both like to take, arrange a games night with friends.

Introduce a 'screen shut off' time on an evening. 

Date night! Plan something fun to do every week. Don't default to takeaway and a bottle of wine in front of Netflix. Get creative and introduce more activity and movement. This will give you both something to look forward to each week. Even though you may be in the house together all the time, chances are you are not spending quality time together. Work-life boundaries are likely to have blurred too, adding another dimension to the energy you are experiencing. Re-introduce fun and laughter!

Make sure you are both getting enough sleep. If you are not, this will directly affect your mood and communication. When you have a good nights sleep, you feel so fresh and alive the next day, right?!

Hope that helps,

Gina x

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A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

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