A-Gay-Ny Aunt #15

A-Gay-Ny Aunt is a weekly column written by Gina Battye - about navigating work, relationships, family and feelings, your sexuality and gender and being your Authentic Self in a chaotic and often confusing world.

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Recently, one of my team members disclosed to the rest of the team they are non-binary. As their manager, I would like to support them but don't know where to start.

Hello there,

Great question - one I am asked a lot actually.

Ok, first thing. Have a conversation with your team member. Let them know YOU know how difficult that conversation with the team must have been for them, and you are there to support them. This will open up the conversation so you can explore what support they want/need from you, from the team, from HR etc.

Make it a priority to talk to your team; remind them what was shared is to remain confidential - unless your team member has stated otherwise. It isn't anyone else's place or responsibility to disclose what your team member shared with you and your team. So be sure you and your team don’t ‘out’ them to others or share information they have told you in confidence. Let them be the one to tell who they choose to tell and when they are ready.

Be mindful in your day to day working, and encourage your team to be mindful too. It may take a while for the team to understand, get their heads around and start to use the pronouns (and maybe change of name?) your team member has asked you all to use. It will make you stop and think before you use gendered language going forwards!

Be an ally. Make the effort to educate yourself about non-binary issues – so your colleague doesn’t have to and so you can be a better ally. There are many ways you can be an ally. Here are a few.

• Make it common place in the organisation to ask people their preferred pronouns (start by saying yours).
• Put your pronouns and that you are an LGBTQ+ Ally on your signature strip.
• Be aware of misgendering and using incorrect pronouns. If you hear others misgendering or using incorrect pronouns for someone, let them know.
• If someone is having an inappropriate conversation about them, speak up. If you notice any form of discrimination, report it. If someone is asking them inappropriate questions, tell them.
• Be proactive. Continually ask yourself – what more could I do to be ahead of the game and to be a supportive and inclusive manager?
• Include non-binary, trans and LGBTQ+ issues in your on-going awareness training for your team.
• Challenge any stereotypical or gender-based language, clothing and expectations.
• Raise awareness of the support available – what support is in place, who they can talk to confidentially and signpost to specialist support where appropriate.

Check in with HR to see what policies, procedures and support is in place for non-binary colleagues. Talk about day to day issues your non-binary employees might face and what you can do about those. Have discussions about record keeping and personal information; make sure you are using inclusive gender options and have pronouns listed to select from. Discuss processes for updating personal records. As a starting point.

Your overall objective is to create an inclusive environment where everyone feels safe to be their true and authentic self. Check in regularly with your team member. Ask them what support they need right now (it will change over time). By doing this you will foster a working environment where your non-binary, trans and LGBTQ+ colleagues (and everyone else!!) can be comfortable to bring all of who they are to work.

Hope that helps,

Gina x

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About Gina Battye

Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.

As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina's work has been featured widely in the media, including:

Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan.

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