9-What is Your Personal Exaggerations and how to Handle?

The former article (20-04-20) was about your StrengthStrategy for personal development and the first square in that template . This article is about the second square…

In Sweden we have the word “lagom”, which is a good one. It means not too little and not too much! It should be just enough and that is the trick, but easy to say… More difficult to accomplish – all the time. Moreover, all people differs, so some people were pleased with your behaviour and others not. Therefore, it is important to observe other people’s reactions. On the other hand you can’t please other people all the time. You should of course act according to your values and beliefs, but it is still a good idea that you notice other people’s reactions. And now and then you also ask other people for feedback, because it is difficult to interpret other people’s reactions correct. You could do it wrong and then you make wrong conclusions… At last, one good principle is, if many people have the same opinion, then it is a kind of truth, but still it isn’t a law to adopt to their opinion, but it is wise to consider their opinion.

Consider also that there are different cultures – what is “right or wrong”. Note that there are also different cultures in a country e.g. in different size of cities, different parts of a country, different departments in a company, etc.

What is then the typical exaggerations for the the factors (drives) in the theory Eight boxes? But don’t forget that it is a strength behind the exaggeration and that no factor is bad! It is about using the relevant dose for the situation…

Power, the first factor among the driving factors, has a tendency to be to focused only on results. Therefore, Power often be in a hurry. Power likes to do things very quick. Power could be too straight-forward. Etc.

What to do about that? Power should strive to consider more what is crucial and what isn’t so important. Then it is easier to accept that crucial activities could be wise to do more careful. The other ones can be handled fast. Power can learn more about psychology, so they can understand more about other people and what happens in a cooperation.

Exposure likes to be in focus, but other people sometimes are irritated, because it is too much. Therefore, it is important that Exposure consider – as well as they can – if what Exposure do is a good contribution for the meeting. I say – as well as they can – because they can be very spontaneous, which also can be charming, but anyhow they should strive to act “lagom”…

What can Exposure do about it? I think they need to work in the long-term perspective. Basically Exposure need is that they get confirmation that they are OK and exist. They haven’t got enough of that. By the way have you noticed that some artists, who are very successful during many years. Suddenly they stop, because they have got enough confirmation. On the other hand someone, who does something well, they be very good at it, so why not go on…. With that background in mind they can strive to get very reliable feedback, so they feel secure that they are OK as a person, then the need for confirmation will decrease. Another strategy is to shift from a performance-based self-esteem to a value-based self-esteem, then you don’t need so much confirmation to be OK. You will have more the attitude “Take me or leave me”. It is OK that I exist, i.e. I don’t need to be perfect all the time…

Imagination is my own worst exaggeration, so me as an example… I have four strengths: Imagination, Structure, Quality and Power – in that order. That means that I have easiest to exaggerate Imagination e.g. I can be too interested in too many areas, so I need to be observant on my focus, because otherwise I will be too scattered. How to handle that? There is only one way: To be very careful about my goals. At first choose the “right” ones, i.e. those, which is important for me to accomplish. Or to express it in a positive way: Do the activities that I like most. One more thing is important: That I have a good and practical method for focusing on my goals and also for following up. Here I have got a good contribution from the book “Powergoals” by Christina Skytt. According to that book you should have three powergoals, i.e. crucial goals. I am good at reaching goals, but I need goals in order to say NO, otherwise I will easy be scattered, which I don’t want;-)

Contacts is the last one of the driving factors. Contacts really like to be together with other people and also prefer talking very much. They can have a problem to be alone. Contacts need is very strong, so it is important to get it fulfilled. On the other hand it can be demanding to never be alone and having a problem to be quiet during a long time. Anyhow sometimes it is impossible to fulfil this need.

What to do about it? Contacts needs to improve their ability to be alone and also be quiet. They need the long-term perspective to manage that. The basic strategy can be to do interesting things – alone e.g. visit a museum, a long walk, travel somewhere, etc. But still the need is what it is, so if it isn’t fulfilled, so when there is a possibility to talk, then it is easy to exaggerate…

Sensibility is the first of the reflecting factors in the personality theory. When Sensibility exaggerates, then it is like a boomerang on themselves. They give too much service, then it can create more need for service... Therefore, they have to consider what is a reasonable service level. They have to think of themselves too. If they do it too much, then in the end they can be exhausted and sick. Either them or the society gain from that. They could think, before they give service: What will the consequences be in the long run? One could be that other people never learn to to something of their own. They can cause that people get a dependence of them. Another aspect is balance. In the long run it isn’t good, if there isn’t a balance between giving and taking. But remember also that people with Sensibility get energy by giving service to other people.

Sensibility can also have a kind of exaggeration from their senses, because they are very good – “too good”. This can in a way be handled easier e.g. they can avoid places with high noise and similar. But sometimes it isn’t so easy, then it is good if people around them knows about their high sensitivity. By the way a professor have some years ago written a book about these people. She call them HSP, i.e. Highly Sensitive People.

Quality has a similar problem as Sensibility, but instead of giving service they like to help. Sometimes they do it without checking, if the other person wants the help. Moreover, they think that there is only their way to do a task. There they often are wrong. By helping so much they can in the long run be mostly in favour for other people’s needs. Balance is important.

Quality has also strong beliefs and values. Here they need to be open for that people are different, so the beliefs and values can differ. Moreover, this can be relevant, even if Quality need some time to accept that;-)

At last Quality has a high ambition level. That level they should be questioning, so it isn’t higher than needed. There are always – if you do a task – three different types of objectives

? quality

? deadline

? cost

Among them there is always one, which is most crucial. Is it the quality, then it can increase the cost and deadline. Etc.

Structure, if that is too much used, then it can cause entanglement both for Structure and other people. Structure has to realise that structure is useful, but the critical aspect is to use the relevant dose. Structure needs also to realise that feelings can be seen as facts. For Structure it is important to search for feedback, so they can adopt better to reality for most people;-)

Stability has a problem with changes, so they can be eager to stop change. Therefore, they can change their perspective, to be a good riskanalyst. They should look for the risks and check with other people, if there are good ways to decrease the risks. Or “scale-down” the risk.

At last remember to ask for feedback, so you be more secure how people perceive you. If many give you the same feedback, then it could be worthwhile to consider.

In the next article I will focus on the unneeds. How to handle them.