9 Ways To Self-Regulate Your Emotions

Hi there! In this newsletter, I will identify nine ways you can improve your self-regulation at work and home, which is very relevant for leaders. I will offer some practical suggestions for developing better self-regulation and explain them; t in a brief video clip.I am always open to your feedback. Enjoy.

Good leaders don’t react; they respond.

What is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is a facet of Emotional Intelligence. It’s valuable at any time, but particularly in stressful circumstances. The ability to self-regulate is defined as managing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Self-regulation means not being derailed, adhering to one’s values, maintaining focus, and sustaining effective working relationships. Managing emotions can assist a leader in being more rational and adaptable when dealing with problems and issues.

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.—Lao Tze

Responding or Reacting?

Self-regulation is a choice. It’s no different from choosing a hot or cold breakfast each morning. Furthermore, self-regulation is a choice between responding or reacting. Reacting stems from an unconscious automatic process in the brain. In other words, reacting is an impulsive reply to stimuli. A reaction takes a second or less—it’s instant. Choosing to respond, on the other hand, is deliberate and considered. Of the two choices, it’s easier and quicker to react than respond.

Self-leadership … is about influencing ourselves, creating the self-motivation and self-direction we need to accomplish what we want to accomplish.”—Charles C. Manz

Self-Regulation is a Learned Skill

A longitudinal field experiment by Yeow and Martin (2013) examined the impact of self-regulation on teams engaged in a university program. Half the leaders were randomly allocated to learn self-regulation tactics from a professional coach. The other half did not have any coaching on regulating their behavior. There was a dramatic and measurable improvement in the leaders' success who applied the skills they learned during pressure situations. More specifically, the leaders who learned to self-regulate had higher ratings on leadership effectiveness from their team, performed better, and received superior grades compared with the control group.

All human beings are self-leaders; however, not all self-leaders are effective at self-leading.—Charles C. Manz

Nine Ways to Improve Self-Regulation

Proper Sleep

Research shows that proper sleep is vital for self-control. Although good sleep doesn’t guarantee emotional restraint, it’s a great start. Sleep has an amazing restorative effect on self-control.

Being in Touch with Your Emotions

Service-oriented companies often compel employees to smile in front of customers. While “smile training” might please—or at least appease—customers in the short term, it can drain the employee's self-control. Abandoning smiling in face-to-face customer interactions isn’t my point. A better approach is training employees in customer-facing roles to feel the positive emotions behind a genuine smile. Tapping into one’s emotions is a more authentic and effective form of smile training.

Being a self-leader is to serve as chief, captain, president, or CEO of one’s own life.—Peter Drucker

Get Physical

Physical exercise increases the release of endorphins, which boost your mood and help counter stress. Moreover, regular exercise helps concentration, giving you a sense of control over your body and your life.

Be Aware of the Red Mist

Here are some techniques to catch your thoughts and feelings before it’s too late. One way is to recognize the physiological cues. Notice your heart rate. Is it increasing? Are you perspiring? Do you feel tension in your muscles? Are your breathing patterns becoming shallower? Non-verbally are you closing yourself off? Are your shoulders hunched? Is your eye contact diminishing? These are the tell-tale signs of anxiety and the potential loss of control.

The first and best victory is to conquer self.—Plato

Breathing and Pausing

My favorite way of creating momentary space is to focus on my breathing. Empirical research shows a causal link between mindfulness and emotional regulation.

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindful meditation trains you to reflect quietly and gain more control over your thoughts. Any amount of meditation, whether daily or a 5-minute session here and there, positively affects one’s ability to self-regulate.

The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me.—Viktor E. Frankl

Emotional Display Rule

Commit to staying calm. It sounds too basic. But if you don’t make this pledge, it’s less likely to happen, or you’ll drop the ball at the first sign of agitation.

The Power of Journaling

Could you keep a journal? Journaling helps clear your mind. Writing helps one self-soothe—you can process your day, imprwhether it was a good or bad day.

Seek Feedback

It’s challenging to look at yourself objectively without some external feedback. Seeking feedback from a trusted colleague can improve your self-awareness.

Baker, T.B. (2025). Successful Self-Leadership: An Inside-Out Approach in Seven Steps. New York: Business Expert Press.

What Are The Seven Practices Of Self-Leadership?

The Big Secret To Self-Regulation

As we enter the new year, please consider your commitment to develop personally and professionally. There is no better time of the year to do this.

Feel free to share how this approach has helped you – or if you plan to try it, let me know how it goes.

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