9 Ways to Let Your Mom Know She Matters…

Anyone reading this is likely at an age in which your mother plays a less central role in your life than she did when you were younger.

As much as your mother feels relief that she doesn’t have to dress you or watch you crossing the street, at the same time, she very likely also feels like she matters less than she once did.

Human beings are created for significance. It is essential for all of us to feel we matter in the lives of other human beings. So, though you’re past the point of leaping with joy when your mother enters your nursery, your mother still needs to know that she matters in your life, and the life of others.

Here are nine ways to let your mother know that she matters to you and to others.

1. You See Her

In the movie “Avatar,” the Na’vi greeted one another with the phrase, “I see you.” It is a clear acknowledgment that there is something worth noticing and appreciating in everyone we meet.

One way to let your mother know you see her is to intentionally put the word “you” at the heart of your sentences.

• I hear you, Mom.
• I appreciate you, Mom
• Mom, I remember that time you....
• I realized how lucky I was to have you as a mom when...
• Mom, It was great to spend time with you.
• I couldn’t have done it without you, Mom.
• Mom, you made my day
• I am so blessed to have you as my mother.

When you were five, this was probably automatic for you—nothing made you happier than seeing Mom walk into your room in the morning. This is probably not so automatic now, and it may not seem important to your mom—but it is.

2. You Listen Earnestly

“More and more I’ve come to understand that listening is one of the most important things we can do for one another.... It can often be our greatest gift. Whether that person is speaking or playing or dancing, building or singing or painting, if we care, we can listen.”

- Fred Rogers, “The World According to Mr. Rogers.”

Listening means more than quietly nodding your head while waiting your turn to speak again. It means opening your ears and heart and making the other person the sole focus of your attention. But sadly, as Stephen Covey says, that too often we “listen to reply, rather than to understand.”

With our mothers, it often also means listening patiently to unsolicited advice. In a brilliant piece, Mary Schmich wrote, “Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.”

Be patient. Listen to understand.

3. You Ask Meaningful Questions

Questions are a window into our minds and intentions. We show our mothers how much they matter to us by the questions we ask them.

Do you ask meaningful questions that show a sincere interest in your mother?

• What’s on your mind these days?
• What was the best moment of your day?
• How did you make a difference today?
• What are your ambitions for this year?
• How can I help you achieve your goals?

You may think your mother may be past the point of having ambitions and goals. How sad would that be if true? Your questions may bring her back to creating goals.

4. You Believe They Can

“All you really need is one person to show you the epiphany of your own power and you’re off. If you can hand people the key to their own power, the human spirit is so receptive...if you open doors for people at a crucial moment, you are educating them in the best sense. You are teaching them to open doors for themselves.”

- Aimee Mullins, “The Opportunity of Adversity,” TedMed 2009

When we believe in others and encourage them to believe in themselves, we hand them the key to their own power. We help them stretch their thinking, envision success, and open the door to their true potential.

Words are contagious. Hopeful words infect people with energy and enthusiasm. Cynical words unleash energy-sucking negativity, doubt and fear.

The words we speak to our mothers may be the catalyst that send them into an emotional tailspin or the spark that spurs her to great achievements—by igniting the belief that she can.

5. You Dwell in Possibility

I dwell in Possibility—

A fairer House than Prose—

More numerous of Windows—

Superior—for Doors

- Emily Dickinson

When we dwell in possibility, we help our mothers to do the same. If people cannot envision the possibility, they cannot achieve the outcome.

Imagination is our mind’s eye. It enables us to make the mental leap from present facts to future possibilities. Our mother’s capacity to dream, hope and plan for a brighter future depends on the extent to which we use our imagination to dwell in possibility.

6. You Celebrate Her

Do you know anyone who talks relentlessly about his own accomplishments? Of course you do; these people are difficult to avoid.

Humble people are far more interesting.

When you celebrate the exciting things your mother is doing, the strides she’s taking, the goals she has  met, it reinforces her will to keep moving in a positive direction.

Now, that’s an accomplishment worth talking about.

7. You Do Small Things With Great Love

Give me your hand when I’ve lost the way

Give me a shoulder to cry on

Whether the day is bright or gray

Give me your heart to rely on

Send me the warmth of a secret smile

To show me you haven’t forgot

For always and ever, now and forever

Little things mean a lot

“Little Things Mean A Lot,”

Edith Lindeman and Carl Stutz, 1953.

A smile.

A “hello” that lingers.

A note of praise, a pat on the back that says, “Job well done.”

A phone call that says, “I’m thinking of you.”

Small things mean a lot.

Can you imagine how small actions you take today might make a difference in your mother’s  life tomorrow? Can you imagine the ripples those actions might make?

8. You Show Up

In a post on NPR titled “Always Go to the Funeral,” Deirdre Sullivan explains that the title of the article expresses a broader philosophy that,

“I have to do the right thing when I really, really don’t feel like it.... I’m talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy.... In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn’t been good versus evil. It’s hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.”

Most of us fight the same battle.

Let doing good triumph over doing nothing.

Show up for your mother.

9. You Choose2Matter

Mattering is a choice.

Make the choice everyday to offer, thank, encourage, inspire, and let your mother know you notice and believe in her. It could be and often will be the most powerful thing you do all day.

Ready to get started? Send Mom a Mattergram!