9 Things I Learned (or relearned) At My Dad’s Funeral

We all know families can be a mix of support, dysfunctional, loving, neglectful and everything in between. They are our first introduction to engaging with others, establishing relationships and boundaries, and how we will evolve from helpless children to hopefully healthy adults.?

Earlier this week I attended my dad’s funeral, after his long and painful battle with kidney cancer. This was the first funeral I’ve ever been to, and I noticed a few things. Things that not only will stick with me for the rest of my life, but will likely change how I see relationships with friends and family. Of course, I suppose deep down inside I already knew these things, but there’s something weighty about a funeral that makes everything a bit more finite. Is it the family you haven’t seen in 20+ years? Is it the mortality of it all that’s suddenly a bit more real? Or is it the realization that life is short, and you don’t have time for the bullshit?? Likely, it’s all of them plus a bit of drama sprinkled in.?

Step Away

Literally from anything you need to, whenever you need to. Work, certain family members, social media (including posting to promote your own business) all of it can wait. All. Of. It!?

You Have Shared Experiences

While yes, you are a unique individual, the experiences you have throughout your life are not. Use that to your advantage to connect with people that can help you heal, or help you progress in life.

Childhood Trauma Becomes Generational Trauma

The terrible experiences your parents and grandparents had will one way or another trickle down. Whether it’s poverty, immigration, abuse or some other life changing event, it will show up in how they parent you, and subsequently, how you behave and interact with others.?

Speak Selectively?

Not everyone needs to know everything! At best, you don’t want to come off as desperate or needy. Keep some things private and let people be a bit intrigued by you. At worst you can come across as negative, petty, or just plain whiney by constantly talking about everyone and everything.

Boundaries Are Healthy

Having (and sticking with) healthy boundaries is good for your mental (and sometimes physical) well being. Boundaries help you improve self esteem, understand who you are, what your goals are, and develop independence.?

You Will Not Click with Everyone (and that’s OK)

We all have different backgrounds, goals, education, emotional intelligence, and personalities. So naturally there will be some people where positive healthy communication just won’t happen. Don’t dwell on it, just move on and find the people you do connect with.?

You Might Connect With The Most Random and Unexpected Person

Life changing conversations and relationships can sprout up when and where you least expect. Keep an open mind, and notice those that are excited to engage with you.?

Pay Attention?

This can range from being a great listener, to noticing who is showing up for you. When you are a great listener, you are not interrupting, one-upping, or chiming in with your own related experiences. You are focused solely on what they are saying and occasionally asking a follow-up question. Some people show up more than others, when you never had to ask, those are your people! Notice who they are and cherish them!?

Everyone Needs an Obi-Wan Kenobi

Whether it’s your job or just general life, we all need a mentor. Someone that is older (usually), wiser, calmer, listens, and gives great guidance can change the trajectory of our lives.?