It was a year ago today that I resigned from my job as a Solution Designer. I remember it was 3 days before my birthday, and I was feeling frustrated. I wasn’t happy! I had this 6 figure salary that was enabling a lush life of world travelling, luxury hotels, designer bags, Michelin star restaurants and chartering yachts etc., but deep down I wasn’t fulfilled. I wanted a family, but my life was too busy to make space. I wanted time to spend on my well being, but being chained to a desk for 8 hrs + was only creating more imbalances. And on top of all that, I was burnt out, exhausted, and completely zapped of energy. My life needed to change. Staying in the status quo wasn't an option - I knew I couldn't heal in the environment that was making me feel ill.
I have previously shared a few posts on why I left my job. This article is a consolidated list of those reasons, plus reasons that have yet to be shared. When reading this, please note this is my truth, and it is written from the perspective of my unique journey. This article is not intended to shame my last employer or my colleagues. I will always be grateful for the experience - If I didn’t have the experience I had, I wouldn’t have had the courage to go bravely in pursuit of designing a vocation that is better suited to my values and desired lifestyle.
- Preserving My Life Force Energy: Energy is everything, and our most valuable currency. Our life force energy is our vitality, and we must protect it at all cost. As an empath, it's natural for me to give. I believe it's our birthright to share what we know with others. But that can have its downside if we're the ones who are always giving. Working long hours was the norm in my industry. One of the reasons for my long hours was because I was always willing to help others. I don't claim to know everything, but as a typical Gemini, I am a bit of a 'jack of all trades'. I could easily step in the shoes of the sales lead who wasn’t confident in presenting or putting a pitch deck together, or the ops lead who had a client call but didn’t know how to structure the call. My desire to help was born from my passion to be & do the best, my high standards, and my need for things to be perfect. Looking back, I didn’t help myself or my colleagues. I was pouring? from an empty cup which depleted my energy, and caused frustration. And helping my colleagues was only helping them cover up their weaknesses, which meant I wasn’t giving them space or the organisation to realise that maybe this job isn’t for them.
- Our Network is Our Net Worth: In the entrepreneur world there’s a saying that your “network is your net worth” OR “you are the average of the 5 people you spend most time with”. Energetically, I felt like I was vibrating on a different level to my colleagues - and that’s not my ego talking. I am a visionary, and I like to think outside of the box. My unique career experience, coupled with my ￡20k+ investment on personal development, meant I had unique expectations, and a unique thinking style. My mind would suffer when an idea was shut down simply because it hadn't been done before. My soul would hurt watching colleagues call in sick because they feared leading a project outside of their comfort zone. Or watching individuals on high salaries come in and do the bare minimum with zero passion, and add little to no value. Watching outdated or inefficient processes being deployed because someone wanted to protect their job, or give their ego a boost. And the worst - spending time with subject matter experts who could talk the talk, but had very little substance behind the fluff. Jim Rohn said “your circle should uplift you, inspire you, push you and challenge you to be the better you everyday and in every way”. That’s what I wanted. I craved an environment that inspired me, that scared me. I wanted to discover what else I was capable of - I wanted to swim in the deep end. My soul & mind needed expansion, and the lack of it, made me feel like I was deteriorating. The CEO, and some of the senior leadership team were truly inspirational, however my role didn't allow me to have the exposure I needed.
- If You're Not Growing, You're Dying: I spent 6 years in solution design, and a total of 10.5 years in the Managed Service Industry. I had done everything from designing global, complex MSP solutions, RPO solutions, Business Process Outsourcing solutions, Cross Border solutions, Payroll solutions, Freelancer solutions, Total Talent Management solutions etc. I also managed a global team of 10. Whilst I was getting a buzz from designing challenging/complex solutions, overall, I wasn’t learning a lot of new stuff. There were some new ideas & innovations that sparked excitement, but in the main, the new products and strategies weren't anything I hadn’t seen before. I remember meeting with a new Business Function Manager, and I was so excited to hear about their planned strategy, only to discover it wasn't any different to what competitors had been doing over the last 10+ years. The?Workforce Solutions industry is accustomed to a ‘rinse and repeat’ culture. And I benefited from that culture, since I jumped from one MSP ship to another. However, I think this culture has a risk of bringing in people who are simply deploying the same product they deployed at the competition - only this time with a sexy new wrapper. This is why today, all MSPs look and feel the same (my point of view).
- Feeling Out Of Alignment With Personal Values: I was designing solutions that didn’t align with my values. As a solution designer, my job is to design the best solution for the client, but the client wasn't always getting the best solution. Most MSPs are born from their parent staffing company, and therefore want to maximise their profits by including as many in-house services as possible. This is totally fine, however I didn’t feel comfortable putting forward MSP solutions knowing it was 1) more expensive i.e. compared to a payroll partner and 2) it wasn’t the best solution for the client i.e. rather than the client having a single payroll provider contact with standard global processes - instead their program had multiple staffing contacts with differing processes, and different payroll rates. I'm a very spiritual person, and I believe that when we serve with value and integrity the money will come. It was hurting my soul presenting solutions knowing there were better options available to the client. I don't believe this is service based culture, I believe this is outcome based culture - focusing on the money and maximising profits ahead of client needs.
- Solution Design Wasn't Valued: I remember working on a solution where I had to fight tooth and nail to be part of the client presentation team. I wasn’t alone, my colleagues experienced the same - although some were quite happy since they didn’t like presenting. I had never seen anything like this! In my previous employment, Solution Design was a critical and default attendee to all client presentations. But here, for some bizarre reason, the head of a function (outside of sales & solution design) decided who would attend a pitch. It wasn't a companywide process, just an EMEA process. I felt like I was taking a backward step in my career, and I was tired of fighting to be seen, and to serve value. As the saying goes "You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served".
- Community: I was part of a global solution design & bids team that sat in a separate organisation to sales. I personally felt the team lacked community, and we didn't have strong relationships with sales (with the exception of a few). In solution design, everyone worked in their silos, and there wasn't a culture of sharing knowledge. It was so different to what I was used to. I missed that community feeling, I missed having a design community that I could bounce off ideas with, or tap into for a wealth of knowledge, and best practices. One of the benefits of being employed is being part of a team. With no sense of 'team', coupled with the reasons already outlined, I no longer saw the value in being employed.
- Freedom: I recently did a google search on the meaning of my name: "Rawshanara is a free spirit, always seeking change, adventure and excitement. The nucleus around which life revolves is freedom. Just like a bird needs its wings to survive. Rawshanara needs freedom for survival". I guess this explains why I've never been one to follow the norm! My desire for freedom expands from wanting to show up on conference calls just as I am - in my gym clothes or loungewear, to wanting to work from anywhere in the world, and to work the hours I want to, and choose to. I want a life where I get to wake up and decide what I want to do that day. I want to have time in the morning to focus on my wellbeing practices of meditation, breath work, yoga and qigong. In my last employment, I was given the opportunity to work from the beautiful Grenadine islands in the Caribbean for a month - it was one of my happiest moments in my career (so grateful!). But one month wasn’t enough, I wanted the freedom to get up and go whenever I want to, without asking for permission, and without the hindrance of HR policy rules. For me, the goal has never been money, the goal is to live in flow & in alignment with my highest self. And to be free to spend my days how I wish.
- Wellbeing: If you're making thousands but your health isn’t in the right place are you really free? If externally you're crushing it, but internally your feelings are crushing you, are you really free? If you love who you work with, but have no time for your family, are you really free??We are nothing if our wellbeing is out of balance. I learnt this the hard way 8 years ago during my journey with alopecia - the money, the fancy convertible, the designer handbags meant nothing when I didn't have my wellbeing. Organisations can write all the fancy articles about wellbeing, but the reality is, a few care. I was burnt out. I told my manager a week or 2 before my resignation that I had thoughts of resigning. When I realised my manager wasn't going to do anything, I realised I had to take control. I don't blame my manager for not doing anything - we should all love ourselves enough to put our wellbeing first! I had served over 10 years in the MSP industry, and to be honest, I no longer wanted a lifestyle of working ridiculous hours. I want a lifestyle that gives me time to enjoy the things that are important to me - my mind & body, creating a family, and living in alignment with my soul's purpose. I'm not a mother yet, and kudos to the women who work in this field with families (I honestly don't know how you do it!), however, I don't want that life. I want to have sufficient time to be present with my family. I want time to nurture my future children, so they don't grow up with attention issues because I was too busy attending to work! I want to create a lifestyle that allows me to homeschool, so my children are given the space to discover their unique talents rather than be brainwashed (and distracted) by what society wants to feed their mind. I have lived in the matrix long enough to know it doesn't bring out the best of humanity.
- Live In Alignment With My Souls Mission: I believe we are all born with a unique blueprint of gifts and talents to showcase to the world. Some recognise their talents at an early age i.e. singers, actors, but most of us have no idea, because we are living a life that society imposes on us. And because we have so many external distractions, we can’t hear the whispers from our intuition guiding us to our unique talents. I know my purpose is to be a healer of some form - using my words and voice. After my journey with alopecia, I knew I'd eventually leave my professional career to focus on my vocation - which is my soul's true mission. I was even upfront about it during the interview process with my last employer. When I resigned, I had a good idea of products and services I wanted to create, but, since leaving employment in December 2022, rather than rush, and follow the same blueprint as others - I now just want space, and time in solitude to quieten down the daily noise, so I can discover my vocation through my intuitive guide. By the way, although both vocations and occupations involve work, they are different. A vocation is more about using your unique talent to make the world a better place, while an occupation is more about making money. Money no longer motivates me. Making a positive difference in the world motivates me. Living in alignment with what I came to do on earth is what motivates me.
I didn't have an exit interview - in fact I've never had one in the MSP industry! I hope this post serves as constructive feedback. It is not my intention to make anyone feel uncomfortable. However, through my truth, it is my intention to get you out of your comfort zone for your own growth.
