9 Questions to Stop Asking and What to Replace Them With

9 Questions to Stop Asking and What to Replace Them With

Your questions are turning conversations to a dead end—here’s how to start asking the right questions.


Welcome to buildbetter, your weekly guide to understanding and building meaningful relationships in all aspects of your life.

Below is just part of the newsletter, read the full thing here!


Today at a glance:

  • Topic: Children ask 40K questions, and most are better than yours
  • Tactic: Avoiding bad questions and shifting towards the right ones
  • Quote on Asking Questions
  • Devin's Finds: ??, ??, ??
  • Commitments: ??


Over the last five years, I've been lucky to spend a lot of my time around my cousins' young children. Right now, all five are ages two through five. One thing that becomes clear after spending just a few minutes with them is that they are endless question-asking machines.

  • In the morning: "where did the moon go?"
  • On the subway: "where are the turtles?" (referring to those of the teenage mutant ninja variety)
  • In the car: "why don't I get to drive?"

Some of them make no sense at all…

I did my best to think back to when I was at that age. I couldn't remember any specific questions I asked but I certainly remember never feeling shy to ask them anytime and anywhere.

It turns out, the average kid asks over 40,000 questions between the ages of two and five.

But at some point in adolescence, that comfort with asking questions fades. Asking questions becomes a strangely vulnerable activity. Almost as if we're always admitting to not knowing something.

That becomes a bigger pill to swallow when society tells us

  • Don't show emotions
  • Don't get too personal
  • Only show the best part of yourself

Because if we do show who we really are or the knowledge we lack, others might not like us.

We then either avoid questions that don't show how well-informed we are, or we stick to the safe and boring ones like "what do you do?" or "what's up?"

In the worst case, we don't ask any questions at all.

How can we break free of these bad questions and refocus on the right ones?


Avoiding the Worst Kinds of Questions

"Perspective taking is untrustworthy but perspective receiving works quite well. I don’t get to know you by peering into your soul, it's because I have a skill of asking the sorts of questions that will give you a chance to tell me who you are." - David Brooks

The worst kinds of questions come from...

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Best of luck building,

Devin

Neil Danzger, CFA, ACC

?? Fast-tracking execs to $200K/$500K/$1M+ jobs | ICF?-accredited Career Coach | Resume Writer | Results in 45 Days | Serving talent from Meta, Goldman, BlackRock, and many more | Watch my Featured video ??

10 个月

Curiosity goes a long way in building relationships, Devin Keane. Most people's favorite subject is themselves. Asking questions is a key way to connect with others. But not through trite ones like "How are you doing?"

Devin Keane

Making meaningful connection a habit | Building the positive BeReal | Writing the newsletter for meaningful relationships

10 个月
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