9 months that changed my life

I still cannot believe 9 months ago this little person entered my world and I had no idea he would transform my life to what it is today. 

Every day he amazes me. Whether it's with a funny sound (loves to beat box), facial expression (when he tries new food) or a milestone like rolling, crawling or clapping - I really can't believe I made him! I feel so proud, yet, when people ask me 'how is it going with motherhood?' I tend to respond 'it's hard'. I won't sugarcoat the feeling. On days when things go smoothly it really is great but then there are days you're low, feel frustrated and it's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. 

Nothing can prepare you for parenthood. I never thought having a child would change me so much. I didn't think I'd struggle mentally. I honestly don't know how people do this alone, as I know for sure I wouldn't be able to. We often hide our true feelings and show all the great moments on social media but behind it was a day full of a rollercoaster of emotions. The early months with sleep deprivation and constant feeding were definitely the toughest. I'd like to think it's getting easier with time as I'm learning how to deal with each situation better, know what each type of moan and cry mean so can quickly turn them into a smile and have a daily routine established but it is still hard.

I sympathise with mothers and even more so with working mothers. I am in awe of anyone who manages their day to day life with a full time job and juggles this with parenting. I am yet to return back to work from maternity but I do feel anxiety thinking about how I will manage both! From spending every hour of the day with my son to only seeing him a few hours a day will be a daily battle of guilt. Many choose not to return to work after having children which I think is absolutely fine if you feel that's right for you or have the financial capacity to do so. I personally don't think being a full-time mum is what my purpose is. I'd like to think I can manage a professional career as well as care for my boy. The new norm for many companies is to offer flexible hours and with the ability and technology to work from anywhere across a number of jobs, we shouldn't have to sacrifice our careers. Unfortunately, many traditional companies still lack an update to policies and systems to cater for the modern world to support working parents. Consequently they will find it difficult to retain and attract diverse talent.

People ask me if I miss work and I do. I miss having a purpose in the workplace and using my knowledge, experience and skills in marketing within the technology industry. But most of all I miss the people - my work family. I've managed to 'keep in touch' whilst on maternity but it's not the same. I struggled in the early months as I had no schedule or routine. I was programmed for years to wake up at a certain time, be ready to tackle the day, meet other adult humans and interact to solve important business challenges. I felt my new role in life of feeding, changing and putting my baby to sleep was repetitive, mundane and frankly I didn't feel I was me. I lost my identity and over night this changed into being a full-time mum. The overwhelming feeling of responsibility and providing for this tiny human who seemed to know who I was but I was still adjusting to him being a part of my life. 

I used to think being a mum was just another job but it's so much more than that. You can't log off or take a break whenever you want to. Each day is different. You wake up with a smile hoping for the same in return. You pray the nights are quiet just so you can recharge yourself ready for the next day. It takes strength, courage, persistence, patience and a whole lot of love to get through the day. I've definitely changed as a person and no longer stress over the small things. After all, I now have other important matters to worry about such as if he eating and drinking, napping or if he is chewing on the phone charger again! And who knew passing wind would be celebratory? 

Since he was born in 2019, he joins the Generation Alpha or iGeneration. Considered as the most technologically infused and savvy generation to date. They have a curiosity in tech and not afraid of interacting with Artificial Intelligence. This is the generation that will go where no other generation has gone before. I do wonder what the future will hold for him. With the technology we are building for a better tomorrow will he live life the way I have? Will he need to work or will there be an AI he sends to work on his behalf? Will the physical workplace even exist or will working from home be the default vs a luxury as some traditional businesses view it today? Whatever is on the horizon, I will ensure I do my very best to prepare him to thrive in life.