9 Lessons That Will Help You Learn and Grow in Your Position

Through trials and tribulations and lived experiences, I have been afforded the opportunity to learn, grow, and recognize that protecting your own light isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. What is your light? Your light is your strength–the inner motivation that keeps you going even when times are tough. Because some of the lessons I needed were hard to learn and internalize, I want to offer others some of the insights I discovered that have helped me protect my own light.?

1. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Even when I can’t quite put my finger on why, my instincts have almost always been spot on when considering new opportunities or navigating professional relationships. I have learned to trust a feeling of unease over my mind trying to rationalize and minimize that feeling.?

Sometimes, we don’t know why we’re uneasy, we just know that we are. Hesitation is not invalidated by an inability to pinpoint the source of that hesitation. When things happen that give you pause, listen to your gut, explore your reservations, go deep with the feeling, and allow yourself to be uncomfortable. There is power in allowing yourself to get in touch with your emotions as this connection allows us as human beings to discern why we are having a certain reaction. Even if you find it nearly impossible to discern where the emotion is coming from, do not brush it aside: it is there for a reason.?

2. Let go of the little things and be kinder to yourself.

Have you ever realized you have a memory of being mad about something, but you can’t remember what the “something” was? A surprising number of the things causing you stress today–annual reports, time-consuming tasks, difficult individuals–will be a distant memory in a handful of years. Letting go of little things will allow you to concentrate on the things that really matter. Prioritize yourself and your well-being. Stop trying to keep up with impossible standards that have been set by somebody else.?

If you find that this is easier said than done, start small. If you feel yourself getting aggravated by a situation, ask yourself whether it is in your control, if there is anything you can do to resolve it right now, and if it’s even your fire to fight. An answer of “No” to any of these questions can serve as your permission to let that situation go, at least during the time when you are unable to take action.??

3. A. Things do not have to benefit you for you to care.

Each of us is just one person in a world full of billions of people, and every decision we make every day has intended or unintended consequences on others. We can choose to take on that world from an individual perspective, celebrating victories and facing hardships in isolation, or we can adopt a social perspective that considers benefitting a large number of people–even if you are not one of those people–success. Thinking in terms of “we” rather than “I” may mean that you sometimes do work that helps others more than it helps you directly, but it also establishes supportive relationships in which you can seek assistance in your own times of need.

B. Values matter; you do not have to change yours to fit in.

There’s a reason that there are so many flavors in our world: everyone likes something a little different, and those variations are interesting. Shifting your beliefs to match those of the people around you takes away some of that interest.

More importantly, no job, institution, boss, or colleague supersedes your importance as an individual. The beliefs you hold are part of who you are; you should not sacrifice or temper yourself to make others happy. Living for others may seem the most diplomatic approach in the moment, but when all is said and done, it is our adherence to our own beliefs and values that will, in part, dictate how content we are with the course of our lives.

C. Balance is key.

Both traits above may seem like they cannot coexist, but they keep each other in check and are absolutely vital to have together. Keeping in mind how your actions will affect others shows compassion, but demonstrating compassion should never go so far as to erase who you are and what you value. So, stay true to the innermost pieces of yourself, and keep sight of how your actions might impact others. We shouldn’t ask people to change who they are fundamentally for our own benefit, so don’t ask yourself to change fundamentally for other people, either.

4. Authenticity matters; be true to who you are so you don’t get lost.

Give yourself permission and acceptance to be who you truly are. If you change too much of who you are to fit in, you will get lost and may not recognize yourself anymore.?

Changing to fit into the crowd may help you navigate a temporary position or stage in your life, but what happens when you move into your next stage? You have to define yourself all over again. On the other hand, if you remain steadfast and true to yourself, you may not develop a community as quickly, but you will cultivate a community that will grow and move with you as you encounter new opportunities and challenges.

5. Define yourself by your character, not your reputation.?

Character is who you understand yourself to be; reputation is who others understand you to be. We cannot control anyone’s feelings beyond our own. Even if someone has developed a false understanding of you, there is little we can do to change that understanding by force.

If your character is consistent, people will see you for who you are. They will know you and understand you from the way you carry yourself in everyday situations, not from the way you project yourself when you’re in the spotlight. If someone insists on still ignoring who you are even in these circumstances, remember that it says more about them than it does about you.

You’ll run yourself ragged trying to chase the expectations of others. Be who you are, trust in who you are, and people will see who you are.?

6. The right thing is not always the easy thing.

It’s great when the easy thing and the right thing are one and the same, but we can’t always expect things to align this way. Only you can decide which path is the right one for you in a given situation.?

Here especially, I’d like to acknowledge that right is not necessarily better than easy. You may find yourself at a point in your life where “right” is unachievable, and “easy” is all that you can muster. If survival in that moment requires choosing “easy” over “right,” then “easy” is “right” for you.?

Try to anticipate what it will feel like looking back on this situation in hindsight. Will you be happy with your choice, or will you regret the path you took? The best news, too, is that either way, you will have an opportunity to learn and grow.

7. Own your mistakes and learn from them.

Try as we might to avoid it, there are going to be times when we mess up. That’s okay. Don’t lose sight of the mess: it’s not a sign that you’re a failure, it’s a sign that you’re human.

It takes a lot of growth and self-recognition to both admit and own your mistakes. Learning from the messes we make is how we grow. If you find that you’ve made an error, use the resources and supports around you to not only address but also learn from that error. And think about Lesson 5 in these moments: your character in acknowledging and cleaning up your mistakes may take longer for others to recognize, but it will ultimately earn you the perpetual reputation of being trustworthy and honorable while still being a human capable of making mistakes.

8. Let people know they matter.

One thing I have learned by working in my field is that tomorrow is never promised. If someone has made a difference in your life, let them know that, and let them know it now. You never know the impact that email, phone call, or text out of nowhere will have on them. Just consider how it’s made you feel when you’ve received messages of gratitude or support unexpectedly. Take the time to recognize and thank people as soon as possible; let them know that you care and that their efforts are not taken for granted.

9. Never stop learning.

There are new things to learn every single day, from something as small as your colleagues’ favorite cake flavor to something as big as the hurdles they have overcome to be where they are. Take these new lessons in stride; you never know the importance they may hold in the future, the connections they may allow you to make, and how they may help you develop into who you’re meant to be.

Take chances. Take time to smell and even ask questions about the roses. Curiosity about the people and things around you will allow you to see and fully appreciate all the beauty this world has to offer.?

Every day, we face choices and decisions that will determine the brightness of our light. Some days, you may need to give some of your light to others. On other days, you may get to keep your light all to yourself. You alone can keep track of your light and choose what you are or are not able to give. The most important thing is that you never let your light go out.