The 80 steps invite 20 steps

A very intense message I heard today from a great TCS leader with such simplicity made me ponder over the words again and again. I thought about it as I was returning back home from office, in the lift and as the lift opened, my neighbor aunty waved me a big smile from the balcony and asked her usual question, "it is so late, did you have food?". And I smiled and told her, "will have now aunty". That moment took me to few incidents in the past. A week back, I was home alone for three days, in a complete workaholic mode and the bad habit that I have is, I cook when my family is home, else I survive on maggie noodles. So, the neighbour aunty who knows this, asked me if I am busy and I said I have many calls that day. By 5 PM, I got a whatsapp text from her, "are you having office call?" and I was tensed as aunty is not a whatsapp person. And yes, I was on a call, but thanks to mute button, I immediately called her and asked, "is everything ok?" and she said, "can you keep your door unlocked, I wont disturb you". I had no idea and just unlocked, went back to my call and work mode.

Within 5 mins, aunty came silently with a cup of coffee and some snacks, placed it near my table and we both mimed "why this aunty?", "its okay, you are busy I know, eat" and she left. Over the weekend, I decided I need to spend time and went to their home. I was so uncomfortable that a 65 year old aunty took extra steps to take care of me. And I told Soumya , her daughter, "why re?". Aunty said, "3 years back when we came to this Bangalore for the first time, we did not open up to anyone, because we were scared of the city culture. You were the first person to come and make friendship, tell us that its okay to be ourselves. When our toddler grandchild was cranky, you played hide and seek with her while we tried taming her. During Soumya's second pregnancy, you were taking care of her emotionally and also cooked her favorite food, handled the mood swings. One coffee cannot compensate all this but atleast give me the chance to care for you back"

I thought about the incident as I entered home, with a smile , was able to relate to the intense message I learnt from the leader. In one of the leadership forums, speaking of Culturally diverse teams, Sapthagiri Chapalapalli, Head of TCS Europe shared a beautiful message with his signature calm smile.

1. Basics are the same. Everyone is human , we should remember and value that part
2. Respect for Individual is a TCS Value. When we have any group of people, there will be diversity, which means there will be majority and minority- can be on any factor, gender, language, culture etc. So, if there are 100 steps to find the mid line, I make sure I take the 80 steps to invite the other person for 20 steps. This basic respect for individual will be very important
3. Psychological safety is very important for everyone in the team. Creating a culture where team can openly disagree, have uncomfortable conversations on the topic, with respect is the culture a leader has to create.

My next blog will be on #3 but this one is on #2, which made me think a lot. Can I take 80 steps for someone to come 20 steps ? At work? With team members? On personal front, with my parents? with in laws? with friends ? living in a community? Is this even possible? How did Saptha tell this statement so easily? And he is known for a lot of success, the first one for how much of a people person he is, who values people. While I thought about it in the lift and the incident of my neighbour's care reflected, that is when I realized that it is possible.

Beauty is, you wont know or plan for the 20 steps intentionally, when you genuinely take the first 80 steps. The leader's words made me realize that it is possible and we have it within, but we have to allow ourselves to prioritize the respect and care as first step with stakeholders. Few points I was able to derive (converting into a professional scenario) based on the introspection on the 80 steps-20 steps model :

• Smile - The first interaction leaves a big mark on the memory map. A simple smile makes a lot of bridge smooth for future interactions
• Listen - Being a good and true listener is an important part & listening without judging / listening not to provide solution but to understand is the key
• Clarity - Setting the right clarity of expectations / future collaboration / working style during initial stages will avoid scopes of misunderstanding the the journey will be together
• Intelligence / Competency - Display the competency during the right and required time of the conversations which will benefit and build on results not to prove a point
• Guide - The confidence comes when we create the trust and we are available to guide when required
• Space - We live in a world where everyone has the personal and professional space. Giving the space and maintaining our space is also a beautiful chemistry to develop in any relationship

Dear readers, ask yourself the same questions as above and this will trigger interesting introspection within ! Enjoy finding the answers about your 80 steps, just like how I am enjoying the introspection.