8 Steps to Getting It Right

Your life. Whether you are an entrepreneur, a manager, a non-management professional, an educator, a preacher, an artiste or of any other occupation, you have one of it that you'll know in this lifetime. And that life, is pretty much the sum of everything you have. It is your story. It can be good, which is good for you, or it can be bad, which is bad for you. For it to be good, you need to get it right. In a world where so many get it wrong, the question is then, how do you get it right?

My name is Harish Shah. I am a Professional Life Coach. I don't teach people how to live. I help them live better by guiding them along the path of life. That does not answer the question one may think, of how do you get it right? Well, my answer to the question, is what I know of the "path". The path, involves 8 steps, in necessarily, the exact order, as you'll read ahead.

Step 1: Be Human

Whether you are rich or poor, highly educated or illiterate, you are a human being. Whatever your ethnic heritage or religious subscription or spiritual stance, you are a human being. Whatever your values or moral standards, you are a human being. Whatever language you speak or cultural preference you hold, you are a human being.

When we identify ourselves by race, religion, language, nationality, economic class and occupation, we tend to box ourselves into segregated identity confines, drawing distinctions and divisions, separating ourselves from others. In doing so, we create reasons for ourselves to discriminate or be condescending or dismissive or even hateful towards others. What we are effectively doing, is limiting our horizons and potential for building social capital. Thus in turn, we are incurring opportunity costs we do not even realise, by forgoing opportunities before we afford ourselves the opportunity to know them.

By not starting from the basic, that even if you were born to a millionaire and sit at the top of a generations old established family business, you are as human as the labourer in a Third World backwater, we are forgoing the opportunity perhaps, to be humble enough, to learn from persons of all walks and backgrounds. If we see the world, through the eyes of others who are different from us, we learn what books will not teach us. And that is not even nearly as important as the ability to lead a meaningful life, of connecting with as many people as possible, to enjoy those connections. We deprive ourselves of that happiness.

Step 2: Be the Good Guy

The world of today is "dog eat dog", vicious, malicious, a rat race, "it's a war out there!" sort of place. Who makes it so? There is a reason why sayings such as "what goes around, comes around" have survived through the human story for so long.

Yes, there will be bad people out there who lie, cheat, over-sell, manipulate and exploit. If everyone joins them, who'll remain the good guy? Close your eyes and think of the most evil persons in recent history. Osama Bin Laden, Mullah Omar, Adolf Hitler and so on. If every human becomes that way, and after all, if everyone is bad, and it becomes about being worse than the next fellow, what exactly do you think will become of the world? Look at your children if you have any. What will be their future? You best do it consciously, because this will be playing out as a thought in your sub-conscience anyway if you do get about by twisting, bending and breaking the rules at the expense of the greater interests of others. And that is a lot less healthy for you. It can turn you into a grouch and I can write a pretty long discourse on how that can happen alone.

So let there be bad folks out there in the world, why don't you be the good guy? Be on honest on your resume and job application. Be honest in your interviews to get jobs and to hire people. Be fair to your employers, colleagues and subordinates. Be fair to your family and friends. Ask the litmus question before each action; is this going to hurt anyone? Then ask the next litmus question; is this going to help someone? If the answer to the latter is no, then ask; why do it?

Be towards others, the way you'd want others to be towards you. Being that way, in time, you will likely attract the sort; hence the saying, "birds of a feather flock together". Choose your feathers carefully.

Step 3: Be Non-Corrupt and Resilient Against Corruption

Being the good guy is not enough. Remaining the good guy is more important. And it is also more difficult. The reason most people depart from the state of being the "good guys" is corruption. Corruption does not have to mean offering, giving or receiving bribes or kickbacks and so on. Corruption also means decay or contamination of the mindset, the values, the principles and habits.

Keep your habits reasonable and practical. Manage your expectations and thought processes. The difficulty in doing so often comes from external influences. You need to guard against the influences that will take you away from being the "good guy" and lead you to becoming the "bad guy".

One way to be non-corrupt is to avoid bad company. That is easier said than done. More importantly choose principles that will help you be a good person and commit to maintaining those principles. Then have the courage to maintain that commitment. Vices can be detrimental to you, for an example, and if you are in a situation where you are being persuaded to try a vice, you need the courage to be able to walk away, even if it means burning bridges. There is no drawing lines to making compromises on principles. Once you start, its a downward vicious cycle.

I have worked in the Rehabilitation Sector (dedicated four years of my life to it) and the most basic thing I have learnt, is that most people take the wrong path, because they lack the resilience to resist the influences that lead them astray, from all the good that the education system, the society and the family ever tried to inculcate in them. What that resilience really is, is the courage, to stand and walk alone, just to stick to what you know, is good for you and which is going to keep you a good person.

Step 4: Be Unconditionally Loving

Yes. This is mushy. And it sounds idealistic. Really though, it is practical. You can't hurt the people you love. So love people. Do so regardless of who they are and how they are. Just love people in general. It will help you connect and build relationships, and then maintain those relationships. Just don't expect anything in return. When you expect something, your attitude is transactional, superficial. And others will see right through you. You have a lot to lose that way.

Love be-gets love. If you are sincerely caring, kind and considerate to people including family, friends, colleagues, customers, neighbours and anyone else that you come across, there will be those out there who will see it and appreciate it. And you'll get reciprocation. Makes waking up in the world a rather pleasant experience, to have people who would want to greet you, wish you well, support you and help you.

What goes around, comes around.

Step 5: Acquire Knowledge

You are what you know. Your life is shaped by decisions you make based on what you know. To be best able to make decisions, as good as possible, you need to know, as much as you can. What you know, is knowledge. It is the most important commodity you will ever have. You can acquire wealth using that commodity, to build your home, a lifestyle and inheritance for your children and whatever not. Knowledge as counters ignorance. Ignorance leads to mistakes. Knowledge therefore reduces the propensity for mistakes in life.

To acquire knowledge, learn. Learning does not mean simply taking courses or reading. Learning means exploring, investigating, discovering and questioning until there is no logical room to question any more. Keep at it. Without limits. Without conditions.

How you ever worked for a boss who isn't knowledgeable? Would you want to work for one? Just an illustration.

Step 6: Acquire Wisdom

Knowledge is good. Wisdom is better. From the knowledge you acquire and in the process of acquiring that knowledge, seek to build a perspective. Enhance your sense of judgement and improve your ability to think sensibly.

Step 7: Act on the Wisdom

Wisdom is the ability to know when you see a well, that if you keep moving in it's direction, you will likely fall into it, with the risk of either drowning or injuring yourself. Use the wisdom then, to avoid falling into the well.

If you foresee a problem with the direction your company is taking and do nothing to oppose that direction or to jump ship to another company to save yourself because you do not have the power to change what others are doing, than what is the benefit of acquiring the wisdom that you have acquired which enables you to foresee the consequences ahead?

In short, be wise, by using the wisdom. In fact do as much as you can to help, to enhance and to improve, the conditions for others, with the wisdom you have. That is after all, the real end reward; the ability to benefit others with your wisdom. It gives you purpose and relevance.

Step 8: Only Preach What You Practice

Do not expect of anyone what you would not expect of yourself. This including of your children, grandchildren, spouse, friends, colleagues, employees or anyone else.

Remember, you are as human as everyone else and everyone else is as human as you, regards the differences in the stations in life. Keep what you would expect of yourself and what you would need, in mind, when offering advice, ideas, suggestions and offers to others.

Having your interests in view, in the shoes of others, is the best way to be sure, that you will have the interests of those others in mind, when you say things to them. When people feel you have their interests in mind, they will listen to you and value you. 

Ask of others no more, than you'd be able to offer, if you were in their positions. If you are a manager or a leader, would you want to work for yourself? You need to ask that question. For example, leading from the back is easy. Leading from the front requires competency.  So if you are a leader, do you have the competency to do what you want your followers to do? If so, do it, and lead from the front. It will result in respect for you and add meaning to your life.

Money can't buy you happiness. The right mindset can. Think. Be human.

Harish Shah is a Professional Coach helping clients with a wide variety of professional and personal matters. He can be reached via [email protected] or at +65 94510637.