8 reasons you might NOT be ready for a mentor?

As the uncertainty rises, more and more people are looking for a mentor. The question you need to ask yourself is, are you ready? If you're looking for a mentor, but haven't had much success, let me speak from experience about why many of us say no, 95% of the time. Ever wonder why? Have you considered that it is because you are not ready. Mentors have developed keep senses and know when you are unprepared for growth. I promise you these eight knowledge nuggets can change the game on how people respond to your "ask”.

Let me start with an analogy, every successful athlete prepares for training mentally, physically, and spiritually. They know the intensity of the next level of learning and training they are choosing to embark on. They get ready. They do not show up for training out of shape and mentally distracted. They have preconditioned and prepared themselves for greatness. They are already committed to the commitment needed to advance their skills. However, most people looking for a mentor are NOWHERE close to being ready. They are hoping the mentor does this preconditioning work for them. We see this evidence in our quick fact-finding and, in most cases, nip it in the bud before scheduling a conversation can even take place. Hence, you may get rejected before the first introduction or fact-finding dance begins.?

Mentorship is a two-way street. We have all heard you get out what you put in, but make no mistake in this type of relationship, it is very intimate and can become the most important decision you make. Yes, it's that important. Think about it for a minute: a mentor guides someone through some of the most difficult situations of their life. Your mentor is climbing into situations and facing challenges in the depths of your hell with you. This means you must be prepared.?

Before there is action, there is thinking. This happens to be one of my areas of Genius and part of the impetus for our? Designing Genius tools. Part of our mission is to guide development towards an alignment between personal and professional growth.?

Here are the eight biggest mistakes I see when people embark on this mentorship-seeking journey. Here's what mentors and board members are looking for in the evidence or demonstration from you as a mentee you are ready.

#1 Release

Have you been released from defending your position, and are you at a place to welcome in PEACE to this process? This doesn't mean you are happy with the circumstances; it means you are at peace with yourself and the idea that you are open and ready to hear different perspectives, knowledge exchange, and approaches to problem-solving. If you are still married to being right, you are not prepared.

?#2 Clarity

You can not achieve what is not defined. The start of anything is always defining the end. If you are building a company, then defining the exit is a key part of the process. If you begin a relationship, part of the discussion is what we call "rules of the game" that address how things will end. This step is CRITICAL in healthy relationships. When everyone knows how things begin, grow and end, you REMOVE more than 80% of the uncertainty and raw emotion most people have to dig their way through. Please don't create a crisis and suffer; define it and use the planning tools to move you through.

?#3 Respect

A great article I read a number of years ago spoke to what people value more than love. The answer was overwhelming, respect. When you put into practice to respect people's time, energy, and the journey to mastering the knowledge they share, then the exchange of their knowledge imprints that much more impactfully. Nothing of value is learned without some struggle. When you step into this journey and respect the journey of your mentor, then the experience increases greatly.

Let's not forget that one of the most valuable assets your mentor brings to the table is ACCESS. You will get so much more back in return if your energy is of gratitude and not from the grudge for the position you find yourself in. The value of the doors your mentor can open for you is 10x, so respect and be gracious of what it took them to build those relationships that you can now benefit from. What a great mentor can do for you is priceless. Never forget we are on your team.

#4 Be Prepared

These means be on time, DO THE DAMN WORK. We, as mentors, spend countless hours preparing, researching, and tapping our network to move you through wherever you are. Let's be clear if we are spending more time and taking it more seriously then you are, to get the actions and tasks done.....well friend, we have a problem. We can not be more committed to your success than you are. Do the homework or action steps.?

#5 Be Vulnerable

I know everyone is uncomfortable with this word, and leaders are still figuring out how to bring this into business. As mentors, we get it, but let's keep in mind both sides of the experience can be uncomfortable. That is part of the work. Mentors onboard the responsibility they hear. I do not know any mentors who do not understand the responsibility to the people's problems they are serving. That is why we are in the people business. We want to see you win!!! We need your truth about what's going on for you. Remember, whatever you are going through, we have been there, and we remember! Oh boy, do we remember. So get yourself aligned with a new relationship with the word "ALL."

When we ask questions, we look for ALL the information. Hiding information or part of the information hurts YOU! We need everything you know or think you do to guide you away from potholes or avoid more pain. When you provide PARTIAL information, this means we will need to work that much harder, after the fact, to unwind what we could have avoided. Almost every mentor I have worked with says that their clients hide key information or share part information that costs them more time, money, energy, and resources. Please, please do not make what is already difficult and make it even more difficult. I promise you the more vulnerable you can be, the faster you will get the results you want from mentorship.

#6 Become Teachable?

The best mentees are those who are open to learning. They're not afraid to ask questions and be willing to lean into a different perspective. Great mentees are hungry to improve. If you're closed off to new ideas, think you already know everything, or are married to being right, then you're not going to be an ideal mentee. You can not learn and lead well at the same time. Allow the space for your mentor to be in the leadership position. We are not going to fight you for the position. If you want to be right, ok, you are right, but doesnt that leave you stuck in the same position you came to us with? Sounds ridiculous. Do you know how many mentors could do much more for their mentees if they stopped fighting the process? If your mentor was eager initially and started to pull back, I can almost guarantee it is because you suffer from one or more of these eight behaviors.

?#7 Be Coachable

There is a difference between teachable and coachable. This is where people go wrong and unintentionally create resistance and have their mentors pulling their hair out. Ok, maybe just me pulling out my hair. Many people can be teachable, which means they can be taught something new.

A coachable person is one willing and ready to receive "corrections." This means that you thought you knew the answer or the skill and now have to relearn or learn a skill another way. In many cases, you need to learn a different application of the information you know. This is where being a good mentee counts. When topics come to light that you think you know, it takes a coachable person who can bring objectivity to the experience, to be receptive to feedback and willing to change their behavior based on what they are learning from their mentor. If you're unwilling to listen to your mentor's EXPERIENCE and change what you think you know, you will hit walls and not get far. This isn't the goal. That is why many people can be teachable, but few can be coachable.

?#8 Be Motivated

Successful mentees are driven and motivated to learn, grow and achieve their goals. The more clarity you have on what you want to achieve, the easier it is to get inspired. See Step #2 on Clarity. A motivated mentee invigorates a mentor and that energy is contagious. Guess what happens? Your mentor looks forward to working with you and will work harder for your success. Isn't that what you want? Your motivation is what creates the Win/Win. If you need help leaning into being motivated, start with a gratitude journal DAILY. As your behaviorist, the truth I can share with you is that you will lose what you are not grateful for and value. Yes, people lose the things they love and care about because they don't value and care about them in their daily practice. Practicing gratitude for what you value breeds an energy source to be used in your motivation. Someone who values what they have creates the energy to attract more. This is fuel for motivation.

According to Designing Genius co-founder Scot Wooster, “Over the course of my career the two biggest challenges I have seen regarding mentorship are; those that don’t seek out mentorship and those who think the transfer of knowledge alone will get them their desired results. There are too many super talented people out there who are trying to figure it out on their own. Finding the right mentor is the shortest path to success. And although the transfer of knowledge is the first step, many mentees are not willing to get out of their comfort zone to take action on the advice and knowledge without conditions.”

So there you have it, eight mindsets and behaviors that will unlock areas of your life you have never dreamed of. If anything here hits home for you or someone you care about needs to hear this, can I please ask you to share or comment? We grow and lift each other when we share our Genius. You never know, someone might read this and get the answer to what they have been struggling to understand. What I know about life and leadership is if you're willing to work on the journey within yourself, you unlock the road you are traveling outside yourself. Together we rise in our Genius. Together we can serve more!

Your grateful behaviorist, Amilya