8 Don'ts of Giving

Ask Avinash Ananda

This is a series of questions and answers where the questions are asked by participants of Avinash Ananda's "live" seminars and workshops, and the answers are transcribed from Avinash's responses.

Question from Akash:

I remember you said that the art of giving is the art of living. Are there any things that we should NOT do when we are giving to others??

Avinash Ananda Answers:

Excellent question! Let me share with you 8 things you should NOT DO, as a Giver

1. Don't expect to receive from those you give to.?

While it is true that in the long run, the more you give, the more you will get, please understand that you will not necessarily get back from the same place where you give.?

2. Don't give when you are weak.?

Remember, you cannot give what you don't have. Be happy before you teach happiness or try to give happiness. If you are empty, there is nothing much you can give. At such times give to yourself first. Make yourself stronger first so you can give more to others.?

3. Don't hesitate to take?

Please be okay with taking from those who give and when you can, you must be open to give back to them too. It is a strange arrogance that prevents people to ask for and even take help because they feel inferior to the person from whom they take help. Or some other twisted so-called moralistic conditioning prevents them from doing so. It's not good for you, for the giver, and for the economy. There is no one inferior or superior to anyone else. Interdependence is wiser than independence in the long run.?

4. Don't be a victim.?

Also, don't use this 'holier-than-thou' concept of being a "giver" to make yourself be a victim or sufferer. There is a difference between a giver and a door-mat. Giving at the cost of hurting yourself continuously or giving endlessly to the ungrateful is foolishness, not noble. Even Mother Teresa enjoyed her work.?

5. Don't indulge in self-pity or blame.?

Please don't "give" and then try to extract your "pound of flesh" with emotional blackmail or lament endlessly about how you have been taken for granted by people, and how unfair the world is. Self-pity and blame may help you build an identity in your own mind of how good you are and how bad the whole world is being to you, but people around you won't take it for too long... and this psychodrama will only make you bitter and unhappy.?

6. Don't be naive.?

Being a giver also does not mean being naive. There is a saying that if you go into the forest, do not expect that a lion will not eat you, just because you are vegetarian. Innocence is refreshing in a child but stupid and irritating in an adult who uses it as an excuse not to fulfill his or her responsibilities. So being a giver will not protect you from all negativity. You need protective skills for that. Giving will make you happy but need not keep you safe. Bad things happen to good people too because life works according to law not only according to how "giving" or "good" you are. You have to be smart. Along with being good. If you befriend a coward or selfish person, he may most likely betray or desert you also when things become tough for him. Even if you are a "giver". Choose the people you hang out with, carefully.?

7. Don't give at the wrong time in the wrong way?

Don't give someone who is not yet ready to receive. So giving is also about correct timing. If a person is in a negative emotional state, or if he is in an inappropriate environment, or unwilling to understand the value or intent of your giving, then don't give at that time. Also choose the appropriate way. Don't embarrass someone by giving in front of others to show your superiority, or by continuing to mention it after you have given, to make them feel obliged or little.?

8. Don't give too less.?

It is better not to give anything than to give something much less than what the receiver expects. So the quantity of what you give should ideally exceed the expectation of the receiver.

Hoping that I have exceeded your expectation with this answer, I will stop giving more here. ????