8 Abandonment Issues Great Leaders Understand

This week I was working with someone and during our time together, the issue of abandonment came up. But what was interesting is the person didn't think of it as abandonment. They considered abandonment as purely physical. And this was an emotional feeling.

As we worked through the experience, I pointed out that there are, in fact, at least 8 types of abandonment. And they are all far more common in the workplace than you might expect.

As leaders, we often focus on strategy, vision, and execution. We plan, set goals, inspire, and motivate.

Yet beneath all the frameworks and objectives, leadership is ultimately about people. And people are complex. They are shaped by experiences that often remain unseen yet profoundly influence behavior.

One of the most powerful and overlooked influences of human behavior is abandonment.

It’s not often talked about in boardrooms or leadership trainings, but understanding abandonment is critical for effective leadership.

Why?

Because, it can help you connect, empathize, and make decisions that take into account the whole human experience.

That's why I believe it's worth exploring and being aware of the different types of abandonment, how they manifest in our lives, and why recognizing them can transform your leadership.

The Many Faces of Abandonment

When most people think of abandonment, they think of someone physically leaving. But abandonment can take many forms, often more subtle and pervasive. These experiences leave imprints that carry forward into adulthood and shape how people relate to authority, peers, and themselves.

Here are the 8 types of abandonment and what they mean:

1. Physical Abandonment

Physical abandonment is the most tangible form, where someone—often a caregiver—is absent when they are needed most. This could look like a parent leaving the family, frequent moves that disrupt stability, or even being left alone for extended periods during childhood.

In a work context, physical abandonment might show up as absentee leadership—a leader (at any level) who is physically present but otherwise unreachable, leaving the team feeling unsupported and directionless.

2. Emotional Abandonment

Emotional abandonment happens when emotional needs are consistently unmet, even if the person is physically present. You may have experienced this if you ever felt your feelings were dismissed or ignored by someone you depended on.

As a leader, emotional abandonment could mean being emotionally disconnected from your team—failing to listen to them, acknowledge their challenges, or validate their successes.

When employees feel emotionally abandoned, they disengage and operate in survival mode rather than thriving.

3. Mental or Intellectual Abandonment

This type of abandonment happens when someone’s thoughts or ideas are routinely dismissed. As children, this could be feeling unheard or ridiculed when sharing ideas or struggling with a different perspective that’s not acknowledged.

In the workplace, intellectual abandonment occurs when leaders disregard the voices of their team members. A culture that doesn’t value contributions, dismisses suggestions, or shuts down creative thinking fosters an environment of mental neglect.

People stop sharing, innovation dwindles, and fear of judgment takes hold.

4. Spiritual Abandonment

Spiritual abandonment is a disconnection from a higher sense of purpose or meaning. It could arise from feeling betrayed by a religious community, being rejected for one’s beliefs, or experiencing a crisis that shakes one’s spiritual foundation.

In a leadership role, it’s about acknowledging that people seek meaning—in their work, in their teams, and in their mission. Ignoring this need can leave employees feeling empty, disengaged, or purposeless.

Leaders don’t have to be spiritual guides, but recognizing the need for purpose is essential in guiding people toward fulfillment.

5. Relational or Social Abandonment

Relational abandonment involves rejection from social groups or personal relationships. It may look like bullying, ostracism, or the pain of feeling excluded.

In a professional environment, it manifests in cliques or workplace politics that make some team members feel like outsiders. This can destroy trust and cohesion, ultimately hurting collaboration and the overall culture.

Great leaders make it their mission to foster cooperation and an understanding that belonging is fundamental to engagement.

6. Self-Abandonment

Self-abandonment is when we neglect our own needs and boundaries to fit in, avoid conflict, or please others. It often stems from early experiences where self-expression led to punishment or rejection.

Leaders who have internalized self-abandonment might struggle to assert their own needs, leading to burnout or resentment. They may also fail to recognize when team members are silently over-extending themselves to their detriment, applauding the "hard work" that is actually self-sacrifice.

7. Cultural or Ancestral Abandonment

Cultural abandonment happens when individuals are cut off from their heritage, traditions, or ancestral roots. This could be the result of forced migration, colonization, or generational trauma that severs connections to one’s cultural identity.

A lack of cultural understanding in the workplace can inadvertently perpetuate this abandonment. Leaders should be sensitive to and celebrate the diverse backgrounds of their team members. Doing so acknowledges each person’s whole story, fostering greater respect, creativity, and trust.

And no, this is not about another DEI initiative. This is about getting to know the backgrounds of the people on your teams.

8. Energetic Abandonment

Energetic abandonment refers to a disconnection from one’s own energy or life force. Chronic stress, misalignment with one’s values, or persistent trauma can cause this feeling of disconnection.

In the workplace, leaders who ignore the mental and emotional wellbeing of their teams contribute to this abandonment.

A team that is overwhelmed, overworked, or consistently demoralized is cut off from its own potential and vitality. Leaders need to ensure that boundaries are respected and that people have the time and space to recharge.

The Leadership Opportunity: Recognize and Reconnect

We all have one or more of these wounds.

And every one of these wounds affects how people show up, how they engage, and how they connect.

As leaders, we’re not therapists, nor should we try to be. But understanding these issues can be transformative. Here’s how:

- Increase Empathy: When you understand that someone’s resistance, detachment, or overreaction might be rooted in abandonment, it’s easier to approach them with empathy rather than judgment. You see the human behind the behavior.

- Address Disengagement: Many forms of abandonment lead to disengagement—a person’s inability to connect deeply with their work or colleagues. Recognizing the signs allows you to address this proactively, whether through support, new opportunities, or simply acknowledging someone’s feelings.

- Foster Psychological Safety: One of the greatest gifts a leader can give is creating an environment where people feel safe. Safe to speak, safe to be heard, safe to fail, and safe to be human. When you understand the impact of abandonment, you become a guardian of that safety.

Moving Forward: Leadership with Awareness

Leadership isn’t just about what you do—it’s about how you make people feel. And while you can’t control every element of a person’s journey, you can choose how you show up. You can choose to be present, to listen, and to connect.

Start by reflecting on your own experiences:

Have you felt any of these forms of abandonment?

How might they be influencing the way you lead today?

Understanding our own stories allows us to connect more deeply with the stories of others.

As Leonard Cohen wrote, "There's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

The more we understand the fractures—our own and others’—the more we can let the light shine through.

In leadership, that light becomes the beacon that guides, inspires, and empowers others.

If this resonated with you, think about how you might bring more awareness to your team or organization. Leadership begins with understanding, and it transforms through action. Let’s lead in a way that recognizes every human experience—the visible and the invisible.