The 7,327th Night of My Overnight Success

"I'd never do it again" - Brian J. Esposito www.eie.rocks

Today, the word ‘Entrepreneur’ has become a social media trend of its own. With society’s addiction to instant gratification, lavish images of the ultra-successful lifestyle, along with similar images posted by those who have yet to achieve any level of success, causes me to think deeply on what this life really entails. I often find myself saying, "I'd never do it again", and I truly mean it – well, most of the time.  The unseen grind, grit, pitfalls and speed-bumps are often debilitating, discouraging and depressing.  But the reason why I do it (and why others wired like me do it) is for the immense freedom and luxury provided upon reaching the levels of success I set out to pursue many years ago.

Conversely, I also find myself immediately fantasizing about a ‘normal, traditional life’ where I'd go work at a corporate job, get my two weeks off a year, and live the simple life. This is not a knock to corporate employees, or any employee for that matter. I just wonder what it must feel like to leave a job, go home, enjoy the evening, and not think about that job again until you go back the next morning. That's not the reality, or the privilege, that business owners or entrepreneurs get to live. Entrepreneurs choose the opposite way of life, which is a 24/7 war with yourself and your marketplace to perform, adapt and expand in what becomes a never-ending battle. 

Now, back to my point at hand and why I say "I’d never do it again." I have realized time is our most precious commodity, and with an array of failures, successes, trials and tribulations, the journey often does not justify the outcome. When you are young and "green" and decide to follow up on an idea and build a business out of it, your mentality is all puppy dogs and ice cream. You pull your buddies together, retain a lawyer and an accountant that you know, and you are all committed and fired up to make this work. Maybe that lasts a day, maybe it lasts years, but it definitely does not last forever. Most partnerships and business ventures end badly. Entrepreneurs reading this can use the "mad libs" theory to complete the rest of this thought as it applies to them; but for me, I would never in a million years have guessed nor been prepared for the nonsense, hurdles, heartache, and stress that I had to endure because I was so eager to bring in people to share in my idea, my resources and my time. Every entrepreneur reaches a point where they have to step back, assess the situation and start to hold themselves accountable. You must alter your ideas and disillusions of how things should be, and begin to execute and implement how things will be, for the overall success and best interests of the company. Most likely this was your idea, your capital, and your reputation on the line if it fails. You are no longer doing it for the reasons you originally had. Your motivations have changed depending upon what is now driving you. Is it motivation to prove someone wrong, or is it a form of jealousy now fueling you because you are watching the success of a competitor or colleague? Perhaps, which might be the worst reason of all, you are just going through the motions with all the joy sucked out of you?  These are the daily questions one must answer to get through this life with your sanity intact.  It’s not for everyone, but it’s the only way for a select few.

Why does society rarely post any of the tough moments? Personally, I do not have an interest in what someone may have in the bank, what car they are driving, or what image they want to portray to the world, but I would find interest and value in knowing that others may be going through the same struggles I have, and figure out ways to help each other get over those hurdles. It might be refreshing to go onto one of these platforms, especially LinkedIn, and see one of my buddies say "Well, I had to find another source of capital today to keep my company solvent and get my employees paid" or "I took out another loan in my name and once again I’m not paying myself this week, so I could order more products, keep people employed and continue our company’s growth even though it’s really difficult". While not the most positive or motivating posts, they would be so valuable to your colleagues and business community.  It would allow them to come together and offer reciprocal assistance and advice. We've all been through trying experiences and it is not a sign of weakness to share such stories. I actually find joy in sharing them with my peers because I know the value it provides both them and myself. For me, it's therapeutic, it shows I am human, but more importantly allows me to help guide someone to avoid making the same mistakes I may have made. That’s how you can turn a negative into a positive and, for that reason alone, it is worth being vulnerable.  

I also firmly believe that everything, and I mean everything, happens for a reason. The good moments are just that, good moments, where you get to smile for a second and then on to the next, but the tough moments, or the bad people that infiltrate your inner circle, is where the real learning and appreciation takes place. Those situations are when real bonds, friendships and personal growth are formed. For every manipulative human being that I met or dedicated a portion of my life to, I found incredible opportunities and friendships in that experience. Some of my current closest friends and colleagues were met due to us both being burned by the same person. It is a way of both of you coming together, completely vulnerable and taken advantage of, and saying ‘Wow, I went through the same, exact thing!’ Do you know how good it feels to know you were not the only one that has been screwed, sued or robbed? And that there is at least one other person that feels the same as you? ‘Hey that’s incredible! Let's grab some lunch talk about it, laugh about it, get angry about it, and then laugh about it again.’  Think about how you actually go through the five stages of grief and loss when you get hurt, lose money, or are just blatantly used in business, and you get to now do it with a new buddy. Another great positive spin on what could be a terrible situation. Well that's how my mind works anyway, and sometimes it is very lonely thinking this way, but we just proved it doesn’t have to be. 

I believe people are inherently good, I really do. I force myself to wake up every morning as positive as possible and take on the day with good solid energy. If the world knew what I have been through over the last two decades, I don't think anyone would blame me if I were to rise in the morning and hate the world. I have been used, abused, stolen from, lied to, taken advantage of, and that is okay because pain and hurt has been going on long before I got here, and will continue to go on way after I leave this planet. The beauty in those experiences for me is now I can spot those people from a mile away. My mind, body, and soul reject it like food poisoning. I can be in a room, or in a meeting or conference, and when I sense something brewing that doesn’t feel right, I simply excuse myself to the restroom, and I never return. If I feel very passionate about the blatant lies or apparent deceit that I'm being force fed, I'll bring the situation to light, and call them out right then and there. Life is short, time is our most precious commodity, and there is no way I am going to give someone my time or energy if they do not deserve or warrant it. A one strike policy is a great tool to utilize as an entrepreneur or business owner.

As you can see, I had to go through the valleys in order to ascend the mountain. I have adapted and executed while eliminating the negative influences.  This is why validating reasons continue to pile up on this next chapter of my life and why it looks so promising on the financial side. Things are now on a powerful upswing, beautiful moments are being obtained, but I still tend to question ‘at what cost’? I am not the person I once was, as he is gone forever, and I accept and appreciate the better man I have become. I don't need or want for anything, and am not chasing materialistic possessions to feel happy. I am not depressed nor unhappy. I am just feeling an emotion in which I have no idea on what to call it. When entrepreneurs hit their toughest moments, I feel a switch gets flipped. Stress hits an all-time high and you often find yourself alone in this deep, dark place. You may be surrounded by dozens of people a day and 99.9% of those people have no idea you are even struggling, or have any issues at all (which is another amazing quality of the truly great ones). This can cause you to feel all alone. This is one reason why it's so important to be able to communicate this freely and openly with your peers. A true and genuine peer group needs to be a mandatory part of your life.  They will advise you and hold you accountable to change what needs to be changed in order to improve and accelerate your life and your business. 

As I type my thoughts out to anyone reading this, I am actually torn on this subject now. Is it going through it feeling alone and betrayed that fuels one to crawl out of despair and win? Might be, as it might be a needed step in Dante's 9 Circles of Business Hell, but I assure you if you do not reconcile something that may have happened to your mind, heart, and soul, it will become a problem at some point in your life. Dealing with it in the moment is difficult and awkward, but it must be done. Many entrepreneurs that are in survival mode store these issues and problems somewhere in the back of their brain and plan to focus on them at a later date. That later date usually never arrives. One needs to be able to trigger themselves to solve the issue before something inadvertently and involuntarily triggers it later.

I recall my sister once telling me something pretty amazing that ended up being the fuel to spark the little bit of fire I had in me during one of those rough patches. She said "if all you need is money to fix this, then you’re good". After those few simple words were spoken, I never felt more alive, while also feeling so ridiculously ignorant at the same time. I never felt sorry for myself, or ever threw a pity party during this chapter, but shame on me for letting myself feel defeated.  That’s not who I was, nor who I am. That realization allowed me to lose that temporary mindset forever. Once again, spinning a negative into a positive.

All you need to do is turn on the news and see the true devastation many in this world go through, and I think I’ve got it bad? What a limiting belief, what a complete quitter I was in that moment to ever, even for a second, dwell in the negative or feel knocked down. As the great Frank Sinatra said "I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.“ I spent 20 years building companies and relationships that have tremendous value. The maximum value was untapped, unlocked, and I just needed to be re-positioned in my mind and needed to focus on the real value at hand, which is me. I am an expert connector. I am an expert executor. I just needed to reassess who was in my inner circle, and needed to put measures and procedures in place where no person or entity would ever have the power to disrupt my life or what I had built ever again. I always believed that all of these companies, organizations, and contacts were put together for them to feed off of each other and grow with one another. If one was down, the others were there to pick up the slack and keep the machine moving. I was starting to strategize again, but this time with the goal of winning the war. I began to be very careful of whom I spoke to, shared progress with, and started really focusing on thinking ten steps ahead. That's when my personal growth isolation started to take place. I am very adamant with people, no matter who you are and if you are not adding positive value or energy to my life right now, then I cannot have you in it. I was uncomfortable feeling I could not trust anyone, nor did I think anyone had my best interest at heart, especially since I always liked people. As your success level increases, your inner circle contracts. This is and was the opposite of how I grew up, as I was the President of my senior class in High School, and that is not to brag, just an example of my abilities to connect on a wide level.

I always felt I could relate, communicate, and be part of any group although I never enjoyed group settings then, and I avoid them even more now. I always sat back and analyzed everything in order to figure out how to create a more efficient and valuable system. For example, when a teacher would ask the class to split up into groups, all you saw was like minded people and friends getting in their own little circles. How does this spark any different thoughts or understanding in the wonderful differences and experiences we all have? The overall concept never made any sense to me. Whether you have a different skill set or background or upbringing than someone else should have no bearing on whether that is a person you can speak with or hang out with. Wouldn't it make more sense that people that have weaker skill sets interact with those individuals of varying levels? Is that not how we continue to evolve and improve ourselves? I believe this mindset (whether I adopted it or was born with it) actually became a detriment because it wasn’t reality.  Making people feel important, including them in what I was trying to accomplish, working as a team all for the greater good - I'm sorry, but it is actually a fairy-tale in most situations.  Sound cold?  It just might be.  The truth is there is a fine line between fear and respect. You can do great things, and you can do it with great people, but you need to have detailed roles, functions, and expectations with everyone you bring into YOUR team. This is ultimately your show and if you make good on all your obligations and responsibilities to them, then they need to support your vision and add value.  So, while you may be the boss and be solely responsible for the liabilities of the company, you should invite collaboration with key members of your team. But they should know that you are the eventual decision maker. Once again, a fine line. The second you, or they, feel otherwise, they have to go. When your reputation and capital is on the line (and if you go down), most of those people you wanted to benefit, win, and be part of something great, will just leave and go find other jobs. You'd be extremely lucky, when things go the wrong way, and they often will, that you would have anyone in the trenches with you.  That's the person(s) you can build an empire with.

Obviously, I am far from perfect, I do not have all the answers, and every day I try to be a little more understanding, patient, and just a bit better than the previous day. We are flawed and can attempt to be perfectionists, but that's probably never going to truly happen. We will continuously be introduced to new issues, threats and problems. The people that know how to adapt, react and execute in a productive manner are the ones that will survive and win. I hope some of you who are reading this can relate to where my head is and where it has been. Those of us that have prevailed through these temporary setbacks can accomplish anything. We can solve any issue or problem we face. Each day be a little better, a little smarter, be the best version of yourself and work your ass off to never let any one person or any one moment change you. Enjoy the journey, because while it has its incredible ups and really tough downs, the destination is worth it, even if I continue to tell myself ‘I’d never do it again’.  Or would I?