#11: 70% of Employees Avoid Difficult Conversations With Their Boss or Colleagues
World’s Stickiest Learning
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As it’s #NationalConversationWeek, we thought we’d focus this week’s newsletter on the art of conversation, specifically, the art of having difficult conversations. Very few of us enjoy or relish those difficult conversations, but they are part of working life. In fact, a part of life in general.
What Constitutes a Difficult Conversation?
The definition of such a conversation is one that is likely to be uncomfortable for you or the other party. Or one where emotions could cloud the issue. It could be a talk that you’ve been putting off, or one where you know you should speak to someone. But you haven’t for a variety of reasons. It’s human nature to avoid unpleasant situations.?
Sure Fire Ways to Escalate a Conversation
There are some things that are fail safe ways to escalate a conversation and take it from calm to nuclear very quickly. These are things to check yourself for, and to watch out for in the other person. If you notice these things in either of you, it's time to break and walk away for now.
3 Ways to Change Your Difficult Conversations
1. Change Your Mindset
This is, arguably, the most important one. If you go into the conversation expecting it to be difficult, then it probably will be. Instead, try thinking about it in a more positive light. Imagine the scenario in which the conversation plays out beautifully, and you come away feeling accomplished. Keep that as your 'end in mind' before, and during, the conversation.
2. Word on Head
This follows on from the mindset point, and encourages you to think about the conversation in a way that moves away from 'difficult'. Figuratively, you write a word on your head that relates to how you will approach this conversation. Some examples might be; 'calm', 'positive' or 'approachable'.
3. Language & Tone
This is a more practical piece of advice. Whilst we've all been known to throw out words or a sharp tone when irritated, nine times out of ten, we end up regretting it. Where possible, avoid emotive language and stick to the facts. To accompany this, keep your tone neutral and avoid sarcasm or quips.
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Now, sometimes this isn't possible because your emotions are getting the better of you. You can't expect to practice restraint at all times. However, at work, it would be in your best interest. So, when you feel the conversation becoming unproductive, utilise this phrase, 'I think this conversation is becoming unproductive. I suggest us taking a break and returning at a later time'. This way, you're not storming off, and you're refraining from saying anything you don't want to.
Extra Resources
Try those 3 techniques and you'll see your conversations remain calm and productive, instead of heated and problematic.
If you'd like to understand more about navigating difficult conversations, then check out our resources, all totally free.
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