7 Ways to Support a friend with Breast Cancer

In May of 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer after I found an almost undetectable lump during a routine breast check. I had not yet had my first mammogram. My story—or a similar version—is likely familiar to you. Last year, 2 million new cases of breast cancer were diagnosed worldwide, so chances are you know someone who has been impacted by breast cancer.

After 8 months of treatment (one of the most challenging times in my life), I learned a lot about myself. But it was my support system that really got me through my cancer journey—my husband, my family, my friends, and my Deloitte colleagues. Breast Cancer Awareness Month is about more than just awareness, it’s also about the actions we can take to show our support. Here are a few ways my support network helped me through my journey, and what I do to help others.

1. Find something you can do together. Perhaps the usual ways in which you spend time with your friend needs to shift for a little while. Brainstorm a short list of activities that you both can do—and will enjoy—while they’re going through treatment. Is there a TV series neither of you have seen before that you can binge watch? Maybe you can try a painting class? Or, plan a routine walk outside to get some fresh air?
2. Practice listening. At times they might just need to talk. She (or he) is experiencing some heavy and hard stuff and could use an emotional outlet. Be the person she’s comfortable confiding in, regardless of the topic, and simply listen without judgement. You don’t need to know what they are going through or solve it for them.
3. Make connections. Introduce them to someone else you know who is also in treatment, or is a survivor. When I shared my diagnosis, many of the people I opened up to knew someone who’d been through it, too—and they often offered to connect us. I ended up building a solid network I could tap into anytime. People who’ve been in similar situations can guide you, empathize with you, be there to help you or your family with the day-to-day, or even just answer your call so you have someone to scream and cry to, if that’s what you need. 
4.  Save the date. If there is a date that is important—the end of treatment or the day they were told they’re in remission—write it down and set yourself a reminder to connect. Whatever is meaningful to your friend, acknowledge them on that day. A simple “I’m thinking of you” goes a long way. 
5. Encourage self-care. Regular self-care can make treatment a little bit easier to handle. Encourage them to carve out time for self-care—and help them make it happen. That might mean giving them a gift certificate to get a massage, or coming over and tidying the house while they take a much-needed nap, or picking their kids up from school and feeding them dinner so they can have some solo time to do whatever they desire. 
6. Don't try to do it all. As much as you might wish you could, you cannot help your friend with everything. There’s a reason why the saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup,” exists. Focus instead on helping with one or two things that you do really well—it will be the most impactful for them and also it will make you, as the supporter, feel good about your contribution.
7. Keep the support going after treatment ends. When treatment ends, the cancer journey isn’t over—they may be physically and emotionally exhausted, yet many might assume they’re now “fine.” Also, the medical support they had at all of those doctor appointments wanes, too. Know this about your friend with breast cancer and continue to help.

You play an important role as part of a support network, but don’t overlook your own health. You can be proactive by using the Bright Pink assess your risk tool and ensure you schedule your mammogram.