7 Ways To Create A Love That Will Last

Lasting love… How do you feel when you hear this phrase?

For many, it’s an ideal and a hope. And for others, it’s an elusive vision.

Finding such love is what most of my clients desire and are working toward.

I have the privilege of helping my clients have better success, not only to find their true love but to also create a relationship that’s a love that will last the test of time.

Unfortunately, reality tells us that over 50% of relationships and marriages will not last ‘til death do us part.

So how do you increase your odds of building a love that will last forever?

As I’ve witnessed time and time again, there are several things that need to line up for true love to last:

1.?????Your life goals need to be aligned.

I’ve coached clients in relationships where there are tons of chemistry and lots of shared interests between them. However, they wanted different things out of life and, in the end, the relationships didn’t last.

One of my 40-something female clients was dating a man for two years., She had hoped they would get married and start a family. Through the coaching, I empowered her to have that important conversation about her goals. Sadly, he wasn’t interested in marriage and a family. Such wasted them!

Then my client broke up the relationship and began her search for a life partner who did want the same things out of life.

The good news is that the next man she dated (within a couple of months of the breakup) did desire marriage and a family. And now they’re happily married with children.

Where do you want to be in 5 years in terms of life vision? Where will you be living? What will your life look like? What will you be doing with your time? Can your potential partner truly be on board with this and even happy to be a part of that vision?

2.?????Your relationship values need to be honored by your partner.

When your values aren’t aligned, this causes friction.

For example, you believe in generosity and giving back to your community. You take a guy you’re dating to a fundraiser for an organization you believe in, and he signs up for the silent auction.

When it’s time to go and pay for the item he won, he wants to bolt. This is very embarrassing for you. You decide this isn’t something you can live with nor the kind of person with whom you want to build a life and break up with him.

It’s very important that your core relationship values be supported by your partner. This is the glue that keeps a couple together with a love that will last.

What relationship values do you need to have met in order for a relationship to go the distance? (One of my secret powers is helping clients really know their values.)

3.?????There can’t be any deal-breakers.

You have them – those make-or-break items for your relationship. They can be anything from financial stability to no smoking or no recreational drugs. There are many more t my clients list out – no cheapskates, no hoarders, no couch potatoes. And the list goes on!

You get to decide what goes on your list.

If you’re dating and see anything on your list, it’s curtains for the relationship!

However, there are usually some gray areas. And it’s in these areas that you get to choose if it’s really a deal-breaker or something you can actually deal with.

I help my clients be careful to make sure that their deal-breakers are really things that they can’t tolerate.

For example, one of my female clients had “Has to be over 6 feet tall” on her deal-breaker list. She was only 5’ 2” herself! I called her on it and asked her if she could live with 5’ 8” or shorter if he was the perfect man for her. Ultimately, it was her choice to use this limitation as a deal-breaker!

4.?????Your physical needs have to be met.

We all want to be loved and adored. For many people, affection and physical intimacy are very important. I find that if one person isn’t on the same page in this area, the relationship won’t sustain. So, it’s important that your physical needs be similar.

One of my clients was upset her boyfriend was too uncomfortable with PDA when she really liked it. When she discussed with him why he wouldn’t kiss her when they first met or other times when they were in public, he said, “My parents never did that. They know they love each other; they don’t have to show that they do.”

This was very different from her family where her parents were openly demonstrative. And, as a result, she decided to leave the relationship.

How can you know sooner than later that your physical needs are similar and will be met in a relationship? When is it appropriate to have this conversation?

5.?????You need to respect one another and treat each other with kindness and understanding.

How you argue or deal with conflict is very telling of the future of a relationship. There will be misunderstandings and conflict. Expect it.

How you fight matters.

Being respectful, listening to one another’s perspectives, and finding ways to find an acceptable solution for both parties bodes well for your relationship.

Being mean, critical, sarcastic, giving the cold shoulder, and hitting below the belt won’t get you any kudos. Instead, it will do the opposite. It will push your partner further away.

Think about how you want to be treated. Follow the Golden Rule! Fight fair and your relationships will be even stronger for working out any conflicts that arise.

6.?????Your partner appreciates you for your talents and interests. (Instead of resenting you.)

We all come into a relationship with differences in interests and talents. We’re not going to both want to do everything together. However, couples that share interests have a better chance for success than those who don’t.

As an example, my husband loves sports – especially baseball. Now watching a baseball game isn’t what I would normally choose for a Sunday afternoon, but on a beautiful day, the baseball stadium can be a fun experience. And I’ve gotten a better appreciation for the game over time. I may ask annoying questions, but my husband gladly shares his knowledge of the game. He also knows that I didn’t grow up going to sporting events with my family.

Although, there are some sports I’m not particularly fond of (hockey and football). I’ll occasionally go with my husband to one of these games. And I used to encourage him to go to these games with a friend. However, now my son goes with him instead!

What are you willing to try that may not be something you’re used to doing? Are you open to expanding your interests? Can you appreciate your partner’s talents and enjoy them too?

7.?????A couple needs to put the effort into keeping the romance flame going.

There’s something to be said for making time to be a couple. Have regular date nights. Get away for a weekend or even a week’s vacation. Remember and make an effort for birthdays, your anniversary, the end of the year holidays, and Valentine’s Day.

We all want to feel special and that we matter. By making a continued effort, and knowing what’s important to your partner, you’ll fan the flames of desire. Some people love gifts. Others find heart-felt messages endearing. And others are impressed by doing something nice for the person that helps him or her out.

If you follow this prescription for creating a love that will last, to increase your odds for a long and happy life together with your newfound love.

And you’ll be one of those couples others admire and look to for inspiration.

If I can help you find such a person or give you the skills as your coach to create such a love that will last the test of time, then let’s talk!

Limited slots available for a Meet Your Mate Strategy Session. Let’s get you going in the right direction! Love is out there waiting for you.

Sign up for a Meet Your Mate strategy session at: https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ so I can share how I make dating for a serious relationship easier and even fun!